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Do I have any rights over things in In-laws house?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Grihani, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    My husband, the only son gives his family a lot of money every month, has bought them car, sends them on frequent trips and takes care of every major expense in the family. In addition to this, he does a lot to his sister and family, takes care of their expenses when they visit, sends them gifts during festivals and other such things.

    My in-laws do not expect much from my family, but they do not think I have any rights over any property, and items in the house. They have never bought me anything, not even a saree or a dress even during festivals or important occassions. They think it is a custom to buy their daughter though, and expect me to do so. They have already given most of the Gold, silver and other expensive items to daughter, and nothing to me. Simple things like books, showcase dolls, kitchen items etc also she takes from our home.

    I have felt bad many a times because I clean and maintain all the items but they are not mine. My question is, is it wrong for me to think that some of them can be mine too as I am part of the family? If not me, dont they at least also belong to my husband? I am very hesitant to even say that in case they think I am being petty, but I do feel bad that my job is just to keep quiet when everything is done to only daughter, in most cases from my husband's money, and I get nothing.

    If I am wrong to feel this...please tell
     
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  2. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    because you are indian DIL, you need to give some thing to SIL all times but will not get any thing back. be prepare yourself for that situation.

    but you can vent out your feelings with DH in your bed room, so he can decrease his providing to them or else he can discuss with PIL about your priority levels at home.

    finally, take charge into your hands & put a gate(like i like this...so i want this) for SIL to take things from your home.

    if things are coming from your earnings, you can feel like this. if it is from DH earning, you cant feel bad because before he became your's DH, he is SIL brother * PIL's son. so they had their own rights on his earnings compare to you.
     
  3. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Do you live with your PILs or separately? If you live with them you have right over everything in your house right.Also if your PILs depend on your husband for money what's the point in taking money from him and gifting you?
     
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  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    You have a right over everything in your house - whether you live alone or with your ILs.

    If you live with ILs in the house that your SIL grew up in, perhaps she has some attachment towards stuff in her former home. If you are attached to something, enthuse about it. "I love relaxing in this chair" or "Just gazing at that laughing budda makes me happy".

    As far as jewellery goes, well, it is the mum's wish to do as she pleases; in most cases I see it going to the daughter. My MIL wishes to give me NOTHING; doesn't bother me. My mum, on the other hand, always shares stuff between me and my SIL; both my mum and SIL ask me to choose which one I would like. If it is a family hand-me-down (heirloom is too snooty a word for our stuff) it goes to my brother and SIL with a caveat that they could give / sell it to me should they ever wish to dispose of it (and vice-versa).

    Now not getting gifts from ILs is not a strange thing. It shows their lack of generosity and their small-heartedness. I assume you are otherwise leading a fulfilling life. Why let their petty-mindedness ruin your peace? (Despite abundance of wealth, MIL has a very petty attitude; I've been there.) That they are mean doesn't reflect on you. Snigger at them and move on.
     
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  5. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    About the right... you have the rights, its your home too.

    On the spending, its unfortunately little you can do. May be you can ask your husband what you want " i want a grand saree for our daughters birthday".. If he wont do it , then its another issue.
     
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  6. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    as time will fly home will be completely urs...ur husband will start spending less on his family when your family will grow and ur kids start going to school...he himself will see tht he needs to save for kids future , for house , for retirement etc etc...
     
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  7. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for your comments....few times I have tried to convey that I like something like a saree or an item in the house, and though my MIL doesnt say much then, she has made sure its very soon given away to my SIL. I have felt very bad at those times... I have to add, that they do not expect anything from my family, just that they think anything in their family is not mine too, not in words, but have shown in their actions.
     
  8. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Say that you like some thing when DH is around. Make DH keep it in the house for you.
     
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  9. abla

    abla Gold IL'ite

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    Stop gifting SIL especially sine she has never returned the favor ! A gift is something someone gives with full heart at free will not something your Mil should be making you do and SIL feeling entitled to .
     
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  10. katsb

    katsb Silver IL'ite

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    Just gift them some cheap stuff.

    My PILs have not gifted me anything good till now, apart from a 20Rs hair clip, 1 set of glass bangles and an umbrella bought by my MIL.

    And worst of all, when I moved out of that hellhole into a new house, everyone from my family gifted me expensive electronics, cookware etc, my MIL practically dissed me when I told her who got what for me. And what did they give us as a gift for the new house, used plates/cups and glasses from her crockery collection. Not to mention that they were worst of the collection!

    It is not that they dont spend. My MIL buys clothes as expensive as a new bride, every few days she buys a new gadget for the kitchen which goes unused after a while.

    Huh. My blood just boils thinking of it. How petty and cheap people are with their own sons who sends them money every month (excess than what they need) by restricting his own expenses.

    When my hubby is out of job, it is my salary which was given to that bunch of selfish clan! GAWD! Just remembering this ****, I feel dizzy and angry like mad!
     
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