Divorce Or Not?

co-parenting is very a good idea. it will sound like a bad to kid but after some time when kid sees that both parents are peace and involved deeply in his or her wellfare it settles down well.

just your spouse should be ok with that. my neighbor who is in an abusive relationship tells my DH he wants to co-parent, but his wife does not want.

 

That is very sweet of her......

Or another con to make sure you stay in this convenient marriage for her son."
This is the same woman who had no sympathy for your plight earlier.

My guess...her son told her that you are contemplating divorce.They discussed this .

This is her way of saying ' too late girl....now you are stuck being in this situation ,which works fine for her son and her '....."Now it is two late" .....so they take the decision out of your hands....

A few kind words and some sympathy and she gets be a regular part of her son's life without disrupting his married life.She also comes out looking like a kind and sympathatic person whom you should now have no problems with. This could also explain her changed behavior compared to earlier.

Call me a cynic ,but people do not change so much .

Mil is only looking out for her son and herself.
All you get out of this is a few kind words of sympathy.
This should keep you calm and quiet and feeling guilty ( for thinking about seperation despite having kids) for a few more years till you get restless again.

My suggestion....
Try telling her that divorce is pretty common these days and children adjust well and can still have two happy homes ....so you are not looking to be stuck in this marriage for long.

See her reaction and also her son 's reaction.

At best...she is being genuine.....but does that make your life any better?
Is this enough to keep you from questioning this marriage and the unfairness of it?
Is this enough ?

Sorry for being a wet blanket .

 

Be careful, this is a trap to keep you in the marriage as she knows her son is never going to change so she is making effort to keep you in the marriage.

If she really feels sorry for you, she could have said " when the kids grow, you should file divorce and find happiness. Dont miss out on life staying in this empty marriage"

 

If your kids are 10 and above they are good. They will understand and adjust fast. Even if step father is not good, they will be able to communicate that to you and will not suffer. You can always rectify the situation.

Not sure how old your kids are. You DH is not going to change, thats a constant. You need happiness in life. So wait till kids are a certain age and then go for it.

 

so true. no one changes, people change only when they realize that not changing will cause more pain than pleasure.

 

I agree with everything that @yellowmango said but I would not recommend telling your future plans to your MIL or you DH, it will definitely backfire they will immediately start making your life miserable. Whatever decision you make keep it to yourself, till the day you have successfully executed your plan.

 

OP, go with your plan, whatever it is. Your MIL is not going to suffer for you. Good that she acknowledged your suffering. I agree with @yellowmango here . I cannot imagine (see your #1, condition 3) is it the same women who created many issues in your life. Don't fall into that trap. I wonder if their visit without informing you is part of any plan. They want a care giver for her son in old age. No need to reveal your plans to her. But you can tell her now a days divorce can happen any age and no one needs to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. See then her behavior changes or not. You deserve better. Your kids will have both of you. you can stay single or go for second marriage , it is your decision. But you dont have to tolerate his tantrums like a wife, when he is not treating you as his wife or keep his promises. He is not going to change.

 

One more person here that agrees with Yellomango. It makes sense for your MIL to sympathize with you , to keep the facade of her son’s marriage going. She is worried that you are talking about divorce. She cannot understand your pain , it is her son after all. Unless your FIL had intimacy issues, she is clueless. The pain of being in a marriage with no intimacy is something that a normal healthy married woman cannot imagine or understand.
You are the sacrificial lamb here .

 

one more wet blanket with @yellowmango .
This is totally a ploy or a last ditch desperate attempt to get you to stay. Heard the term "good cop bad cop?". While it may seem vile, physical relationships are very important to a good marriage (not the ONLY one, but an important one) and they form the basis for a mental connection when you are old. I would definitely say stick to your plans.