Divorce Or Not?

If you are serious about divorce, I went through it last year in US, I can say some things that helped me.

firstly you cant just take the children and leave to another city, until the court grants custody the kids have to live in the primary marital home. Your hubby can file a case against you for parental abduction and parental vengence. He is a dad and has 50% rights till you prove he is unstable and vicious. The court sees both as 2 normal parents until proven otherwise.

If he threatens like this calling cops and getting restraining order will really help with divorce and custody. Make sure your kids can tell the threats to the police without getting nervous.

Till you find a good job, ask for child support and alimony. 99% Indian men cannot digest that their wives filed divorce. But we are not robots to sit in a suffocating marriage. Being independent and mentally strong will surely liberate you bigtime

Please dont make any life changes without consulting lawyer, you will land yourself in trouble and regret a lot. Divorce is easy to get as its between you and your hubby. Custody is a whole other ballgame and people spend 100-200K dolllar and 1-10 years in court to agree upon custody.

Dont do anything rash and make it a battle and stress yourself out. Best way for all parties is to talk and agree upon everything and filing divorce jointly and finishing it in 1-2 weeks. if he gets custody then staying closeby is best for kids or they will be kicked around on a weekly basis from dad's house to mom's house and vice versa

goodluck

 

ultimately it will be your decision.

just spend a day in IL board, read different thread, it is same pattern. seniors will be able to suggest. but finally it is your decision.

otherwise you can vent for emotional support, which is good too but that would not change any

 

I belong to the camp whose members would say "let it go". After all these years I have come to the conclusions -

In-laws usually dominate and behave in a way which mostly irritates the DIL. Rarely, it happens that they behave aligned with her, try to understand her. They have lot of issues themselves and they are just not willing to compromise when it comes to her. In some cases she too won't be willing to understand or to even work in that direction.

The man of the house is lost in his work and cannot afford time to the wife. If he can afford time, he doesn't have money, if he has money, he has no time, if he has both, she is not his priority at all.

Added to the above factors, influence from the parents of the woman and family - how a good husband should be, if he asks her to change her last name, he is a villain, he may have his reasons, she won't discuss it with him, instead she will make him suffer, husband's insecurity, wife's insecurity, both their expectations not getting met. Same with in-laws. If a woman asserts herself, she is a vamp, how can she be so selfish!?

It never happens that in a family everything is perfect, everyone is happy, there is something somewhere that is a pain point - either in-laws, husband or wife or the kids. Life seems so complex. The only thing in control is the self, we could question ourselves what is right for us, what is acceptable to us. Think of your kids too before taking any decision. Remember at the end of the day, no man or situation is perfect. Think about it. Go to a counsellor, any person who can give you unbiased and practical advice.

 

Hugs to you. Dont know what to say..

No doubt, he is a winner who got kids( I remember your post on all those issues ) and a wife ready to sacrifice everything for him. Lucky man . Treating you like a doormat again, else he would have informed you about their visit.

As you like to continue like this, try to make your stay pleasant for you or emotionally detached from these or find ways to be happy. Go with your life usual, do basics, let him manage his parents. As they have not shown any courtesy of informing you, no need to give extra service. Anyway, it's up to you. Its tough to act normal, but try your best not get affected by all these.

If you are working in USA, employer cover free counseling sessions. ( ask about EAP). May be venting out to counselor may help you to gain more clarity.

"3. He will keep his mother away from me" -Now MIL is here. He is not able to keep promise.

 

I feel bad for you, its very frustrating to be treated like this in our own home.
But filing divorce is huge and not all can do it. But being sane in a bad marriage is an art. Develop that art. Make new friends through meetups, non Indians and explore new hobbies. You will forget about your life problems and will be thrilled. Once you see the problems others have, your problem can become small and you might even appreciate your own life