Divorce Or Not?

As others pointed out, even I feel you are no where close to ready to go for a divorce. You probably waiting for the worst to happen that would give you courage to divorce but your MIL visiting you after he promised to keep her away unfortunately isn't the right deal here but you seemed to get mad about it. From his shoes, its right to think its cruel for you not to let her in even after few years. It could be they are aging and he doesn't want to feel guilty that he din't let them in to bond with their grand kid in their last few years. If it bothers you, why cant you go to your parents house until they leave, this way your dh can't plan to keep them for long fearing you may never come back. Let them have some time with your kid, you can ask him to bring your kid to you once in a week/month. Or if you are bold enough, simply stay in your own place and give them cold shoulders if they be mean to you. Make things tough for them and they will think multiple times to visit you guys next time. If you dare a big step just because you MIL is visiting, he may not care a dime again. He may even failed to understand that lack of intimacy was a backbone to all this issue and simply blame you that you are trying to blackmail him by not letting his mother to stay with him.

Well, on your intimacy issues, is your dh at least emotionally dependent on you. You said he was desperate to bring you back home when you guys separated, so does he respect your feelings otherwise? Does he help you with chores because he thinks you need help or simply because he likes to handle things on his own and be independent. To me, it makes a difference. Without you asking, does he bring any of your favorite stuff on a random day, like it could be a chocolate you like or anything? And do you know if he loves you or he wants to be with you only because he may fear social status? Well, if there is love and respect for you, and if there is emotional dependency then you should not think about divorce. Yes, it isn't easy at all to stay in marriage without physical intimacy and I can imagine the frustration it builds up. You may just want him to struggle for the life he has given to you and that too after a love marriage. Its understandable. Every thing around you isn't peaceful and even if you have all the richness/or whatever you want, you may not be able to enjoy them happily. The feeling of being wanted by our spouse is just another world. Honestly, I feel you. If he hasn't worked on this issue even after giving him ultimatum of separation, he is probably never going to work it out again. Why can't you just sit and talk with him about Open marriage in a soft tone? I hate to give this suggestions but talk to him and understand what is his thought process. I'm not asking you to try open marriage but talking to him may help your dh understand your state. Will he let you do it or will he try to possess you after that talk? This talk should not be like accusing him but genuinely letting him know that how much you have been depressed by lack of intimacy and its not crime that you expect it from your DH and lost it all after trying several times. I believe you have a daughter, and somewhere he should start thinking if similar problems happens to your DD tomorrow how has a parent he will react. He has to be accountable one or the other way. Anyways, please relax your mind and try those suggestions if possible.

 

@snehalJoshi
Despite how upset you are with him - even at the point of considering to divorce him, you could frankly state these things about him:

You did not say he was a "good" father, or an above-average father - does his duties as a father. You could say he was great father.

This makes me feel like there is something *special* about him - that is still something left here - for you to try and make it work. I am at a loss for how - but I hope the previous IL responses will help you think through your options.

 

Nice post. No wonder you have 900 facebook friends.

 

Why do you want to move to another city to get a divorce. Is it because you fear him? If you don't fear him, why give up a job that you like and uproot your children? Unless you really fear your safety, I think you should stay in your city and find a place of your own and then after moving out file for a divorce.

 

Op,this is very serious.
Threatening to slit throat is threat to life.
Saying this infront of a child is child abuse.

With this ,he has lost the only redeeming feature he had. Any parent who does this can not be called a good parent in any book .

If you are wanting to move away because you are scared of him,then it is time to report him to some kind of authority. This is no longer about protecting the peace for kids. This is not about protecting your child from this person .

Inform some women and child protection cell.
You should have called 911 when he threatened you .
You are not living in bihar op....
It is time you pulled the plug on this farce.

 

Your kid is witness that he talk about cutting your throat. This is good proof to get u restraining order from him. He has to move out or u move out with kids. Police will ensure your safety till custody settlements. Don't be scared. It's better than living in fear for many years and loosing all energy

 

OP, I think this threat alone is enough to get full custody. Consult a lawyer and inform police if you are worried.
Good that your have support of your parents. Otherwise, joint custody would have been the best option for kids.