Divorce On H4 Visa.

I feel bad when we want to take charge of our lives finally but surrender to the circumstances. Most people imagine that being in US is a blessing. But not in my case. I'm on H4 too with a toddler who is US born. I had the same fears. I did some groundwork and talked to few lawyers. So with the information I have, I can say that filing divorce in US is pricey but a quicker process and decides the custody based on whats best for child.
Though you are on H4, if you want to continue staying here, you can file for U visa(which takes 2 yrs but can stay while under process). But I think you should show income that you can support your child. You can't completely depend no the child support or alimony.
If you have a supportive family, going back to India and filing is better. GO to www.avvo.com, search for family lawyers near you and select the "free consultation" check box. Jot down the questions and get them clarified. You will be more confident after talking to few lawyers on what decision to make.

 

Whether or not you want to separate, it is definitely good to start working and be independent. Apply for EAD. Not sure how long it takes before they finalize whether or not to take out EAD for H4s. But try.
A lawyer told me that we can work on U visa. I don't have much details on it but as per lawyer, U visa allows us to work and apply for permanent residence in US.

It is completely safe. You can definitely share your concerns and get an idea how much it is going to cost here. If the lawyer is desi(who are mostly commercial) can tell you differences between filing here vs india. Others wont have that knowledge I feel. But american lawyers do have good knowledge on other aspects like custody, taking the child to India with or without husband's consent etc

I understand that your major concern is about your child. I am in the same boat and your post reminded my state of mind a month before. Now I am in a better frame and more confident as I know what my rights are and what I cannot do. As your child is 2 yrs, it doesn't matter what national he is. Even your husband is not US citizen I believe. If he is working on H1, it means that he has to leave once his visa expires. It doesn't mean that if you have US born kid, you or your H should be here your whole life. So custody won't be effected based on that.

 

There are some questions in my mind -
1) how can I work on H4 ? With EAD , right? But once divorce gets finalized , I will lose H4 status and will have to go back.

YOU CANNOT work after the D day. Plan well for different VISA.

2) I can talk to lawyers here but none of them will ask me to go back and file from India since the child who is a US citizen is in the middle of everything.How safe is consulting lawyers ( even for free consult ) without the fear of getting reported to the authorities that I am planning to take a US national with me ?

No one will report you. You are not illegal so far.

3) if I somehow get back home and file from there, will Indian jurisdiction be considered as a good enough authority ? Also what are the chances that I will get the custody?

90% OF time mother will get custody, unless you have a serious emotional or abuse issues. he has to prove a lot .

I know that you are not a lawyer but these are the main points perturbing me . Any idea on these?


that said. Please try for couple couselling, or living seperate. or like some members giving an ultimatum.

hope you have good plans for job in india if you are planning to go back.

 

Deborah,
I knew of someone that left for India on vacation with the kid and filed for divorce there. There was a lot of drama and it wasn’t easy but she got custody of the child in India. I would not recommend this route unless you are undergoing severe emotional or physical abuse.

Why not apply for a EAD and start working irrespective of whether you stay or leave ? Financial independence changes a lot of things , also skews the power balance in a marriage. Specially important when the spouse is disrespectful. You will also have some savings if you have to move to India after separation. So focus all your energy on that for now.

Take a deep breath and take it one step at a time. Start volunteering and build connections while you wait for a EAD.
Try couples counseling if you haven’t tried it already.

Also once you have a job consider temporary separation before you file for divorce. your husband has a lot to lose if you go ahead with a divorce. So who knows he might change once he realizes you have a way out.
I wish you lots of strength , peace of mind and clarity. Please take care.

 

In order to get a U visa don't you have to prove that you were the victim of domestic abuse or violence? This will destroy the chance of an amicable relationship with your child's father.

 

is there physical abuse vinvolved??