Divorce imminent

Tridev,

All this shows the venom and anger you have on all of them. See ...dont bother about what her mother does to her SIL or what goes in their house. Also dont bother why FIL is like that...let him be na. Maybe he likes being like that and he wants his wife to rule. Its their life and they have chosen to live like that.....thats it.And more importantly THIS is not the right time for you to sit and think about all that past and what happened when stuff.

What do you get by thinking about them like this? or by hurling something in anger at them, even if its just in your mind? Its only more and more agony for you...right? So just let go.......its not your in-laws fault on why your wife is acting like that. I mean she is a grown up, mature adult, a mother herself......I am sure she does not ask her mom on what to do on the stuff that she does to your DD etc....its just her personality thats all. It has nothing to do with her mom, dad or anyone...its just her. And it clearly shows that, her personality is not matching with yours and thats the sole cause of all the issues here. This does not mean that you are bad or she is bad...its just not a match btween your personalitlies.....so please accept it and let go of all the bad thoughts from your mind. You be the bigger person here now and take charge and do whats necessary please.
Keep your sanity and calm...and right now only think about what you should be doing to move on, since you have clearly decided on separation. Dont bother about the rest of the negative thoughts or even other people involved in between you two.

Also being in same junction as you are right now....I feel keeping so much anger on everyone around us will not let us take sane and wise decisions.

Regards,
NB

 

Tridev

I think the first thing you should do is introspect and ask yourself if you really do want to continue in this marriage. And if you do, introspect further that if you do manage to cross this bridge, if you will definitely be able to keep it strong with all the resentment from the past seeping in. Next, ask you wife too, to introspect and ask her for a clear answer on whether she is interested in living with you at all or not.

If both of you do want to continue, I think the first thing you both need to do is to undertake some form of therapy to control your respective angers. I see so much anger inside both of you that I feel anytime that you try to talk, you both end up raking the past and it just turns into a worse situation. Both of you need to realize that in order to be able to be work this out at any level, both of you should understand that you have issues that need to be addressed and you are the own judges of what your respective issues are. At this stage, it would be very tactless if you pointed fingers at your wife and said "this x behavior of yours needs to change". I think that would just feed her anger even more! For now, you just focus on yourself, fix things about yourself, that will probably make her see that you're serious about wanting to work this out and will flex a little from her stance.

Also, keep reassuring you daughter that none of this is her fault or responsibility. It is sad for a teenage child to hear the words your wife uttered, but all that is in the past and nothing can be done to take back those words. Hope you gain clarity soon and get over this phase quickly!

 

Hi Tridev,

I felt very sad after reading your original post. You must be really tired after all this fights and arguments and all..hmm..just a suggestion..try to just give it all up..leave everything to God or Destiny.. i know its easier said than done..all i want to say is don't hold on to people if they are so admanant to go away. Let destiny takes its own course..sometimes you cannot control everything..right! you have a huge responsibility to take care of your children. Make sure that they get love and affection from at least one parent.

Hope your problems will solved soon.

ds

 

Hi Tridev,

Are you sure you want a divorce or work on the relationship? You mention both here. Divorce is not an easy way to put problems to rest. Give yourselves some time. Your wife is naive or too good,not to want anything from you.
I know a couple who got back together after 6 years of separation and are very happy now. Do not be in a hurry to end the relationship.As you mentioned you both need to think about your son .
I hope you work it out properly.
wishes

 

Tridev,
I feel sorry for u nd ur wife. To separate from one's spouse must be very painful.

Somebody mentioned here that why don't u ask ur wife to join IL. I am telling this from my own experience. Till recently i used to fight with my dh over issues concerning his family (his parents nd sister who treated me badly, i did go for counselling as well). Then i joined IL. Believe me i have not discussed my problems here but whenever i read the trouble that other people are facing i feel that i haven't been thru even half of it. sometimes i realize that all our probs r so similar nd wen i write them down they seem so petty. I feel that there r so many people with so many probs that my prob seems minor! I do not remember wen i last fought with dh over his parents now.

Another thing...wen i had gone for counselling i was told that i have a certain perspective on the probs. but did i ever stop nd think that maybe my in laws have their own take on things. Maybe in their own way they r right. Sometimes this also makes sense to me. That might be the case with u nd ur wife. I will not say who is wrong nd who is right, just that sometimes it is just a matter of perspective.


Believe me ur wife is probably suffering as much as u. Don't rush into a divorce. Keep meeting her. I think she will melt. She needs to be told that u really care for her nd not just the kids nd ur mom. Maybe she is the kind of person who needs to be reassured that u care for her.

Take care...

 

Tridev,

hope u r doin gud..
jst read ur post..its quite painful..its really tough when one receive a life partner lke this...they never use to hear to wht other person is saying..they never respect ....have you ever spoke to her alone..i mean make her sit down and speak calmly to her...if she is quite confident on her divorce ...does she has any other relationship...
when i read ur post i jst felt lke u r in my situation..the thing is u as husband facing prob and me as a wife facing prob towards my hubby...
its really difficult to leave the kid whom u luvmuch...
i dont think i vl be giving u the right thought..but since i read all ur posts i jst wanna say things vl be okay and u vl be fine in the future..

takecare

 

Hey Tridev,

As you cannot save your marriage, atleast try to save your self before your wife files any criminal cases against you.

She might blindly listen to her parents.

go to PS/DCP/Human Rights and Court and give written complain that you have threat of false dowry case. Inform all the PS near your home and wife's home.

file a conjugal-rights petition and interm child custody if she does not joins you.

You are seeing true colors of your IN-LAWS now.

Infact, when I went to my In Laws home for negotiations, my FIL never came in front nor he attended my calls and my brother-in-law (just 18 yrs)said why did you come to my home, when my dad is not there, I am the head.