Disrespect Toward My Parents

Is there any surprise in his behavior? A man who disrespects a woman cannot respect elders either.

 

Op. I understand ur problem.ur husband need not have to talk about ur parents unnecessarily. U r very patient with him. I am really proud of u. You r a smart woman who knows that ur husband has self esteem issues I think only that is the problem. If that is fixed ur life will become beautiful. My response is based on this thread only. Marriage counsellor can definitely fix his inferiority complex and insecurity. Maybe he is really feeling u r too good for him and u r highly educated in USA. It happens . every husband n wife has issues.

 

my experience from my own marriage.

When your husband feels insecure about your love towards him then those issues arose in the marriage.
because of compatibility issues and whatever may be the other issues, we don't put our soul into that person.That's where they feel insecure and try to fight against your own people.So agree that we have some blame to take and don't try to pull him into the same page.
even after married for 15 years, my husband is very insecure about my sister and he thinks I value my sister more than him, so If I try to have some conversion about my sister he all works up.So, I try not to go to that topic.

 

I disagree.

Please introspect yourself honestly.

I have been following through all your threads silently and patiently.

In my perception you are extremely angry towards him. You don't want to give up that anger. Your real interest in reconciliation With your husband appears to be not genuine.

In my view, your subconscious mind keeps finding a reason to be unhappy in the relationship and with your husband. I am here with reproducing ditto the same words of you :

" Truly, I'm a bleeding heart, and I want him to be successfulin his life. I have been his substitute cheerleader. I just can't live with this uncertainty of being kicked out of my house or have my son taken away because I don't want to move to India. I can't have this shadow ofdepression every month when things get rough. I can't compromise on being a good mother and role model to my son.

I need the anger, I need the outrage to remind me, that my leaving is necessary- for my sake, my son's life, and even for my husband."

Go through the above highlighted words of you. They are from your real deep mind. You are so convinced that leaving is necessary.

Now tell me.......is your resolve to save the marriage REAL ?


Your conscious and subconscious minds are at odds with each other.

Your conscious mind wants to tell your own folks, especially your dad that you did everything possible to save the marriage

But your subconscious mind wants to throw your husband out and quit this marriage

Please correct me if I am wrong. Sorry if I sounded too blunt.

 

It takes a fraction of a second to suggest something like this but it will cost an entire lifetime for the OP ( specially her kid ) to live with the consequences. We are talking about divorce here where in a kid is involved , not some random replacing players in a cricket team to win an IPL!!

 

I quite agree with the member silentlistener. It seems like you have already made up your mind to go your way . I do not know much about your married life but the last few posts of yours makes me think that you are just looking for reasons to justify your decision . Nothing wrong with it as ultimately only you, your hubby and your kid will have to live with the consequences.

Fighting over parents is such a trivial excuse in the grand scheme of things like marriage and divorce . Almost all couple that I know of ,including myself , have fights and usual bickering over in laws and parents. Obviosuly, we don't cross our boundaries but all of us vent our frustrations every once in a while . Heck, couples even fight over who gave what during the wedding ( I do ) even after years and years of marriage and you are complaining about something that just happened recently . I am not saying one must sit back and let someone hurl abuses over our parents . There are ways to handle it.people say things in anger doesn't mean they always mean it . You should work on a strategy on how to walk away from such situations .

Thing that you mentioned like him lazing on a couch while you do all the household is also quite common in most household . There are ways to handle these things . Divorce is not a solution for everything . And you maybe strong or matured enough to live with the consequences. But please think about your kid first and ask this question to yourself whether he deserves to live with this for his entire life ? Nobody except the three of you will suffer , not the parents you are fighting for . Parents won't be with us for a long time and they themselves are so busy in their own life that you need to think if it's worth justifying your divorce because someone said something to your father.?

And what friendship are you talking about ? It only happens in movies and books . Get real please! Once we have kids , life itself gets quite serious. As long as there is mutual respect and trust which according to me are 2 strong pillars of any marriage, this rosy concept of friendship and honeymoon can take a backseat for a while .

Again , I am not completely aware of your background . But according to me , unless there are serious issues like compatibility, physical or mental abuses or something that cannot be fixed and you cannot imagine living under the same roof with this guy, I dont think divorce should be a solution .

 

BB,

I agree with the previous posters about you want to quit, looking for reasons.

It is very easy/simple to get your DH out of your way. I am sure, you are young and will find someone, soon.
Let me guess, who will walk out happily! Definitely not you, and have to deal with young kid/tag of the 'D'.

His family will find him a bride in no time and probably, he will live in the same town, right in front of you. Requesting for custody of your kid.

How would you change someone's basic character? You cannot. It is that simple.

For some reason, I am not convinced about counseling, it might make the wound deeper by thinking too much about the differences. Only time is the healer, you need to be more calm, ignore him for the time being, instead of nagging to change. If he really wants to make it work in this marriage, he will come down on his knees by missing your company. If not, he will move out by himself eventually accepting the silence/gap. As a lazy bum, he may take an advantage of it and enjoy himself (with no questions asked attitude), who knows! Only you can predict him?

 

Here is an unwritten rule we have at home as far as parents are concerned. The respective adult child would handle their needs and issues. If some tough talk needs to be made, it has to be done by the adult child of the respective parents. The spouse will always be nice to his or her spouse's parents. Even the needs will be evaluated by the respective adult child and addressed. When my father died, I was the one who talked to my mother about her future. She felt comfortable staying with my brother and I let her do so. I talk to her frequently about her health and fulfill all her requirements. My wife will never interfere with my decisions. Similarly, when my wife's dad passed away, my MIL had to migrate to the US as she had no other child. I supported her decision. My MIL lives with us for the past four years. She is a green card holder. Being disrespectful to each others parents is simply not acceptable and we both know it is unfair to ask either one of us to choose between the spouse and parents.