1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Diplomatic And Adjustment Battle With Father In-law

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reesha, Nov 15, 2019.

  1. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,489
    Likes Received:
    4,074
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Loved your post. It is like a Raymond (American sitcom) episode called "Marie's Sculpture:
     
  2. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,164
    Likes Received:
    10,157
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Problem is not Vastu, not your FIL but yours and your H's failure to draw a line for the extended family to interfere.
    They can interfere, but with certain limitations. The last decision about anything related to your family should be taken by you two. Period.

    You may let go of this Vastu & interior matters for now. But something will come back tomorrow to irritate & the cycle will repeat again.

    Put your foot down. Even if that means conflict or misunderstanding for now.
    Don't fight or argue, but convey your displeasure and the reasons to your H clearly.
    Make him understand not just your concerns, but the importance of keeping his better half happy & peaceful in the home.
    Prove him by all the possible ways that how a an unhappy wife & her lack of cooperation can affect a man.
    And let him decide whether he wants such a life forever.

    Speak through your actions firmly than through words. If not today, one day your H will understand you. Till then be consistent.
    You need a lot of patience & self confidence to get in there. Good luck.

    Forget about PILs, even my own mom creates fuss about certain matters concerning our family... Like interior decor, gardening, parenting, finances etc...

    Some old people are like that, specially if they live with you.
    It is how they are.

    But we shouldn't let them ruin our life & future.
     
  3. deepthivinayak1

    deepthivinayak1 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    236
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Understand your situation but in India you can’t buy a house which don’t have vastu . We may not believe t but when it is time to sell, the house with no vastu won’t be first preferences. Just think your kitchen has no light, in vastu it is may be important but in reality the person who planning to rent or buy your house in future, won’t prefer this house. Instead of arguing,both of you sit and talk with in laws. This is the budget and kids are growing,we need to buy a individual house with this budget and we can’t alter in name of vastu. For their satisfaction, you can say we can have puja or something for vastu. For gardening, you can talk to them that kids need space to play ,you to garden and them to relax in evening.
     
  4. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    289
    Likes Received:
    183
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi @SGBV thank you so much. You are always giving workable solutions. Surely I will set boundaries again by displaying my displeasure. I lost those may be because of my career break and staying 24/7 with in-laws. I will set again.
     
  5. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    289
    Likes Received:
    183
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks @deepthivinayak1 . I can understand your concern. But getting an independent house near to IT hub in metro city is big achievement for us. None of our and our relationship don't have land in city. So even it is having vasthu issue, due to its location, rental income in long run basis, and for daily commute we are moving ahead. Coming to lighting and air flow it is perfect peace. That is main point which attracts me in that. I don't want to get situation to sell it. Even if we get, surely we will get profit based on future land rates
     
  6. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    962
    Likes Received:
    1,047
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    When you live with inlaws keep your top 5 things which you don't want to compromise but somethings you can let it go. Even they have to live in the same house. For example according to vaastu sastra if somethings cannot be accepted at all from their perspective think how they will feel when they know that constraint and still have to live with it . If I were you, I will compromise on somethings like adding steps but not cutting trees. Believe me nobody knows who is going to live longer and who is going to die sooner . When it is house or family function not everything can go according to one person wish. It doesn't matter how many years you are going to live in that house.
     
  7. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    60
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male

    I agree with this advice

    1) Do not compromise on what really matters to you such as trees
    2) Agree to compromise on minor stuff like stairs, and do it positively and not with a grudge
    3) Make it known, loudly, and in front of others, that you did so and so (e.g. the steps) because your FIL felt it a good thing to do (but do that in a positive tone)

    As for who is going to live how long, look at this way.

    Assuming PIL's dont have long to live (a big assumption) , wouldnt it be nice to let them have some things done their way in whatever few years they have left, than someone like you who will probably get other chances to buy/redesign homes later on in your life
     
    mangaii and nakshatra1 like this.
  8. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    289
    Likes Received:
    183
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    :clapclap::clapclap::roflmao:I LOVED THIS SHOW. It reflects situation in my home. any how i started setting boundaries by avoiding my FIL in my new house things. i am saying that " i will take care those. dont worry. please take rest" then moving away. i knew my inside nothing will happen.
     
  9. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    538
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    They have to live in the house as well. In that sense, it is not just YOUR house but THEIRS too, so make balanced decisions.
     
    Amica, mangaii, Sunshine04 and 2 others like this.
  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    817
    Likes Received:
    1,388
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I understand your frustrations to some extent ... but if you all are going to live in that house, then he too has right to give his opinion on something so important to him- so try to reach a balanced decision-such as keeping the trees but making other adjustments , so that everyone is happy and live happily together and avoid a life of resentments and complaints. Counting people's lifespan is not right(also using slangs for elders is not right either) ...don't get carried away in frustration.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2019

Share This Page