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Diplomatic And Adjustment Battle With Father In-law

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reesha, Nov 15, 2019.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    I and my husband are dreamed for our individual home from start of our marriage life(9th year now). So finally our 4 years search ends at some point in last week. we found our dream independant house in comfortable location to office & school, specially which will come under our budget. I thought we are going to relaxing very soon with this. My husband and I are solo contributors of this house. Still final works are going on from builder side.

    But now new problem has started. we are living with inlaws in our own apartment from 8rs. i took care interior before they came. later there no much chance to do customization because it is apartment. but until now i bared my FIL changes at home because those are removable and i am not at all intrested to current apartment decoration because i didnt get feeling that it was my own due to various reasons.

    coming to our next house i am kind of got grip on my husband with several reasons, so he is moving ahead with my push and neglecting my FIL influence.

    1. First major problem is FIL having vasthu madness. So he bluntly opposed that villa at starting itself. but still we moved ahead because i and my husband dont care vasthu much if that is stoping our dreams home with in our limited budget.

    2. Now he started to do possible vasthu remedies which are irritating me a lot. for example we loved a big sized 2 trees in front of our villa much due to its coolness and comfort during summer. but my FIL asking to cut those due to vasthu issue. it will take 5 more years to bring up tree to such height. i am like :smilingimp: inside. but diplomatically said "It is easy to cut, but hard to raise" we will get 40 degrees heat in summer. those trees only our life savers by that time" and left that room.

    3. Need to add extra steps unnecessarily to satisfy vasthu which may dangerous to my small kids and to every one at main entrance.:facepalm::BangHead:

    4. we have bit open space which i am planning to put garden, but he is planning to cover it with cement.:rage:

    like this in every case he is irritating me a lot. He is 70 yr and i am 30 yrs. I knew he is also going to live in that house. but what about me? when i will get chance to complete my dreams for which i am earning. :weary: i dont want to involve my husband. because he is also frustrating with his dad but not able to oppose him like me in diplomatic way. because he is sravana kumara right... so escaping from his dad.

    now i am afraid because dont know how many problems my FIL is going to introduce like this in my new house? it will take minimum 2 yr to solve all kids of interiors and problems there. but because we neglected his vasthu belief, he seems to be going to create problems and may say "due to vasthu issue only we re getting conflicts now so on...."

    i am adjusting and ignoring inlaws action. but now i felt that house should be as per my wish because my next 30-40 yr life is there. ma be they raise vasthu issue for every problem occur in that ouse. My dad also warned about me after observing my FIL behaviour.

    dear ladies....how long i should face this diplomatic battle:weary:. i am going to depress or blast which are unhealthy to my life seems to be.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2019
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  2. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Buy that house but don’t move immediately. You may give it for rent. And maybe down the lane alter according to your wishes and then move in.

    I can understand your situation some in-laws are so nosy that they try to interfere in everything There are no limits :BangHead:
    God knows when they will get that common sense to stop interfering in everything.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2019
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  3. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ask me about it. Just had an argument about this for 1 hr with hubby.

    Phew!! Never ending. How I wish everything were simple with no arguments .:rolleye::rolleye:

    To keep my cool so that my points are heard is soooo difficult. I am "work in progress" always.

    Sorry OP. Using your thread to vent.
    I'm also in something similar.

    To do one Grihapravesha function for our house daily me and husband ending up in arguments :roflmao:

    I feel we should have simply brought the house and moved in!!
    100 places there's difference of opinion between PILs and me. :facepalm::facepalm:
     
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  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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  5. winterhue

    winterhue Silver IL'ite

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    Been there done that. In-laws were constantly butting in and my Mother in law, who has a superiority complex and thinks she is the best in everything, would draw pictures and make craft work out of scrap and then insist that we hang it on our walls!! It was so horrible! I would let her hang them, and once she was gone (they lived 3 hours drive away, but would visit VERY frequently) , I would just throw them away. She would visit in a few days, do the same, and i would repeat. Repeated till we moved to the US.
     
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  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    This one made me laugh so hard.
    Ufff. If only they understood our taste!!
    Life would be simpler . Isn't it??
     
  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hats off to your patience :worship2:
     
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  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    :roflmao:
    For some reason it reminds me of a Telugu movie named Oopiri where Karthi would paint something and expect it to sell for lakhs together
     
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  9. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Since he seems to be targeting the open space like the front of the house n the garden area, tell him that you don’t want to ‘destroy’ the greens but rather ‘create’ it by adding positive things like tulsi madam or a nice god statue. I am not sure if it’s the right term for the tulsi.. you can suggest any positive addition of more ‘holy’ greens.

    This way he might get off your back, a middle compromise.

    Don’t let your dh get involved, it’s not gona end well for you.

    And yes your fil would say that it’s all because of vaastu for any lil problems. So let him add something positive that you like.
     
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  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    Is he an vaastu expert? I feel sorry for. Hurting someone who worked hard to buy a villa. They don't have a heart??

    1) tell him the house is as per vastu , you checked with prominent vastu expert in your city.
    2) in real check with a holistic healer, Gardener for aswagandha, tusli, Krishna tulsi, and lemon grass, sage and other nice smelling flowers plant them. Pretend you didn't plant somehow they came.
    3) fil wants to poke nose discourage you for not moving there. So never disclose that openly.
    4) lastly tell you believe in hardwork and God.
    God will help you.

    Small rant.
    In my housewarming ceremony mil said house faces east that's okay, but kitchen not facing east infront of all guests.
    She said at least Stove should face east, I was mad. I told her that's fine. She placed my induction stove facing west to east. Couldn't change gas stove. I know been there done that.

    I know it's extremely irritable still don't listen. Pls give positive thoughts to house
     
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