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Dilemma- Leave Or Stay

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rosegarden, Feb 9, 2018.

  1. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    OP

    You should start therapy as soon as possible. Start with any therapist and they will recommend more. I can feel your depression and pain. Your kids will be fine. Tell your husband to rent apartment near your house. Your husband will to help you around to raise kids because its his fault not yours. Tell him you have all the proof and if he want to keep his image in front of kids and society he has to work on separation and mutual agreements. You both can be good parents living nearby and you will get peace of mind after therapy and separation. Also hypnosis is one option to forget painful memories, gain confidence etc. Please don't suffer, its not your fault. There is life after divorce.
     
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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Gold IL'ite

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    no therapy unless the husband changes, or op seperates from him
     
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  3. lavani

    lavani Silver IL'ite

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    There is no such thing as secure fiNance after you are married . Because if a divorce is filed in usa it will be 50 50 asset and liability .

    This is a mental disorder . Need a clinical pyschologist.

    So much great input is given. You have to decide
     
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  4. Rosegarden

    Rosegarden Senior IL'ite

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    Will properties in India will also be shared or only usa properties. Will transferring my savings to India help?. Look like he will gain more .
     
  5. lavani

    lavani Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry I don't know that much.

    Check avvo.com for details
     
  6. kalpas

    kalpas Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi

    First clearly write down a plan of action for you.

    1. Do you want to go for Divorce?

    2. If so, do you want to take full custody of your kids?

    3. After Divorce, do you want to continue working in US or return to India and work in India?

    4. If in US, take assessment of your movable and immovable properties, whether you jointly own and is it individual.

    5. About your properties in India, I am not sure. How is it owned, individually or joint?

    6. As far as the financial aspect goes, either you both need to discuss and sort it out. If not, sit with a mediator and get it settled.

    7. I think you should not worry about if he is going to get more. Leave that part. PEACE is more important.

    8. Try for an amicable financial settlement. Once the kids are fully with you, you will definitely find a way to manage your finances on your own.

    9. Only keeping the first step is the greatest FEAR.

    10. Plan and get into action. Don;t waste time.

    Good Luck
     
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  7. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Many have given you great advise and step - by- step what to do's . Don't take any action in haste. Go to a lawyer atleast for consultation . He /she will be able to throw more light on asset / financial distribution.
    There is no harm in consulting one just to see what are your options and what is the best possible way out of the marriage.
     
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  8. Rosegarden

    Rosegarden Senior IL'ite

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    Update : I have started attending counselling sections only for me. But I dont feel that she is giving me any suggestions. Is that what we expect from counselling? Only thing she said is that I am not at fault here and he has addiction. He need to change himself. May be I can work on marriage if he agrees on transparency or go for separation. You ladies are better than counselors it look like. I am in a very confused state right now & sad. Do I need to continue it. I attended three sessions.
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    From what I have read, counselors ask questions and gently push you to realizing what it is you want to do and help you come with ideas, rather than providing suggestions themselves.

    If you've gone for three, go for a few more. If not suggestions, you will get clarity of thought, confidence, and those will help you in taking a decision. You can also tell the counselor that you'd like the sessions to give you tangible suggestions. Ask her when that might start to happen. Maybe it is a slower process, and in future sessions you will find yourself coming up with more suggestions.

    Check out this post by @madras2018 on the topic: Marriage Counselling: Thumbs Up Or Down? Questions?
     
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  10. lavani

    lavani Silver IL'ite

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    counselors , are like dual edge tools. in america, a lot take a passive approach, where they never suggest anything. i guess it is required by law. at the same time, they need to keep the payroll running, so they also are empathic towards you.

    mostly what they are telling is based on their common sense. however if your consullor is suggesting you and dh to come and follow Cognitive behaviour therapy, then she is good. if she only talks . just cancel ASAP.
     
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