Dil

It's really sad that they tried to provoke your DH against you. Yes, if you get too close and if they try to do that again, you are putting your relation with your husband in jeopardy. Thankfully in my case, we stay in the US and the in laws stay in India. It has been 10 years since we got married. But even, a simple phone call from them or every visit to India leads to many fights, drama and extreme turbulence between me and DH. We almost feel like we are going to be divorced by the end of the visit! Thankfully, me and DH love each other a lot, but the whole situation gets shaken up even in those few days, forget about living with them.

Sometimes the idealistic side in me turns me crazy and pushes me to make things right or atleast workable with them. But, the moment I try to talk to them or jump into DH's conversations with them, I realize that they hate me too much and have no place for me; anyway, I never felt fully accepted by them. They started by being conservative, dominating, imposing in laws. But, I wasn't going to take that and would refuse, oppose things they asked me to do, which I did not want to do. The fights and the distance between me and my ILs continued and we reached a stage of broken relationship!!

 

Sometimes when I analyze the situation, I feel very burdened, as being a daughter in law you feel you are not doing your due but at the same time you know even if you try to fix it, it is going to be a big mess. So, I feel overwhelmed in my heart and head seeing no solution to the whole situation. Sometimes, I feel marrying someone itself is a big mistake as it will always bring its baggage which you cannot undo. I was professionally doing very well, what is the need to get married? These are kind of thoughts I play with!!!

 

Lol , sad but true! I don't know when all countries advanced by thought and culture, what was India doing? And contrast the status of DIL with son in Law, no matter what the son in law does he is treated like God by the wife's parents!! My parents talk to my husband with so much respect and admiration. He never calls them but still he is a great son in law in their eyes. Why?

 

by the way, I think the name of your post DIL (daughter in law) is such a wonderful play on words as it also means Dil heart in Hindi. And I feel like this topic is so close to our hearts.

 

Hi @sindmani,
it doesnt matter even if you are good looking earning in lakhs, give everything to them and listen to every whim of theirs still the same abuse. life seems to have no hope and they are not tired of what they are doing.

 

Yup all the above points are sooo true...If husband has a married sister then also rules change if sil's mil treats her queen still they are torturing her but what they do yo their dil is culture. ... spending lakhd or crore on wedding and still complain that this or that was not up to the mark, they don't realize that whether their son deserve the extravaganza in wedding or not just cause they are from male side they have to be treated like kings and queens and still after marriage dil doesn't do this and that ...I think it exists only in India

 

Something I learnt ( a little late), once you say something negative to the husband about his family he will always assume that you don't have their best interests at heart.Blood runs thicker than water , so it's best to keep out of their " family " business. My FIL is always treating me like a second class citizen , but the husband is convinced that I am delusional so don't be upset , this seems to be the norm.