Dil

Blessed are the ones who have good ' in-laws'

 

Hi Noidea,

First of all, I feel happy that your DH is all loving you. This the greatest plus for ladies like us. I have been in the same situation, but once my DH is the way supportive to me, I felt so happy. PILs will always like this, none can stop their mouth, unless you close your ears. I suggest you to ignore them. Put them in a state that none of their words will affect our day to day routine. Also dont tell all about their tortures to your DH as this may impact in our shade of nature. Instead tell in a way that he can understand not directly but in a hidden way. This actually works for me. Even now I get scolds from MIL & BIL. Still I nevermind it. I never bother their talks. This is how my days are moving, yet very loving with my DH.

 

my SIL brother's wife and myself have similarities in handling MIL.. But MIL is better than my mom as MIL.

 

We have no option than to stay strong. If they call us less beautiful , then its not our problem. My mom In law tells me many times I am not pretty but I told her one day with a smile on my face , " yes I am not pretty (I am a good looking too , but wheatish colour) , but my husband likes me as I am. Then that taunt stopped. Now I don't care what any one tells about me. For me I am good. My life is good Acording to me. I don't Need others approval. But to reach this state I went through tremendous bad days, depressed , low self esteem thoughts etc. Because I believed my mother in law's words that I am not pretty, I don't earn in lakhs , Iam worthless. She has given me life by accepting me as her dil.according to her I am a dog , a buffalo( she calls me that), and many more . But now She herself does not call me now by those names . So our maturity is everything. Once we become matured things will fall in line. My view. That's it.

 

But good MIL and good DIL is also possible. In that way, I am blessed with best PILs.I don't expect anything as I know there is a difference between ones own parents and pils.. I treat them with respect and love and they too..so far so good..

 

Yes, i agree. I have 2 daughter in laws. I dont expect the same love and affection they have towards their parents with us PILs, but there is love and respect in their relationship wih us, and we are happy to have them as family. Differences will always be there, the essence is to let go to the extent possible and maintain harmony.

 

There is no 100% good or bad in human beings. We are human, and we have a package of both good and bad qualities.
So, it is all about compatibility between the two persons.

Sometimes both MIL and DIL have same qualities and gel very easily. But it doesn't mean both are good.
Sometimes MIL and DIL have differences, which have nothing to do with their character as a person
Eg: Religious difference, cultural difference
Some rare times their greediness and bad qualities be the reason to problems. Either both can be bad, or sometimes one can be bad.
Mostly, as persons both MIL and DIL will be just average, with both good and bad qualities. But their circumstance such as financial, insecurity, health issues, other family members' influence etc make them angels and evils.

In our case, the differences such as religious, cultural and traditional were the major reasons for the friction.
She was too possessive of her son, because of her insecurity and fear about his manliness. Hence interfered too much in to our wedded life.
I had very little tolerance to this kind of drama back then. I too had no clear understanding about the differences, rather I felt she was being too much orthodox.

It took us a few years to understand the differences, and accept each other as who we are.
While, I've earned so much patience in this marriage, she too have gained some confidence in her and in her son.
So, somewhat we clicked somewhere and found a middle ground.
Since that time, we both are good to each other.

 

Hi Op
The question is not how to be a good dil or a bad one ...dil by default are made bad ..that's the prejudice our society has....When a boy comes of marriage age.ppls start saying "wait for some days u r wife will come and you will forget your mum" or " you are not liking your mum cooking now only what you will say when wife comes" .I'm general this picture has to change (there are exceptions to every case my intention is not to hurt anyone lucky are those who have great mil and vice versa)

So from the moment u r married power game starts mil will think whom will my son support. ...dil are expected to thin PIN as parents from day 1 but PL hide many things from them (my case I was asked to give all my gold to my mil she said am like u r mother give me when I restricted all he'll break loose, they had hidden lots of stuff to me even bow they lie blatantly even when I know the truth. ...so no solution for this problem..If we as dils bend at beginning they start demand in everything be done in their own way by own baby shower was done how my mil like they dint even bother asking me what I want sad truth is fil and hubby support mil only

 

You are wise that you havent let your MIL's taunting affect your self esteem.
Honestly if my MIL called me a buffalo, i would have sweetly called my husband Buffalo's husband ...

Just to wanted to say, please do not say
I am a good looking too , but wheatish colour
Please change that to
I am a good looking too and have a wheatish colour OR
I am a good looking too .period.
A healthy /even complexion looks beautiful - doesnt matter fair or dark or wheatish...

 

I can understand ur views .thanks sunpa. I like my colour but maybe I felt low about my colour after such taunts.now My self esteem went for a toss but some how I should handle it. So i became bold . i thank my inlaws for that.