Dialing Down A Friendship Is Ghosting?

When others responded with "I can take a flight and come now", "OMG so sorry to hear that.. How can I help?", "Let me know any time of the day or night if you need to talk or any help", she said:
" ... It happened to xyz, they did this. Hope .. better soon. Take care. Keep me posted."

I was speechless at that response from someone who could complete my sentences, an 18 year friendship that we laughingly compared to a marriage, and countless monthly/2x a month lunches. For some reason, the "Keep me posted", and the absence of a "what can I do to help?" cut me to the quick. After an hour (the longest of my life), I responded back by quoting the message (I never quote the message that is just above) and said "Will do."

Of course that was hint enough, and I got the requisite, "Do you need help, shall I come now, <husband name> can come. Don't worry..."

I am done with maintaining the friendship at that intensity. That small interaction caused a friendshift. I looked for ways to dial down the friendship, and started that process - cut down on the frequency of texting, did not tell about stuff I'd have otherwise shared with her, less proactive about setting up lunch meetings.

The alternatives were:
- discuss it with her frankly,
- let her know I was hurt,
- give her the benefit of doubt like maybe she was not available that day for some reason
- maybe she thought we are so close she need not say in words, "how can I help"
- let it slide, why ruin a ~20 year friendship for one thing
- tell her I care for her/us but need some time-out or need to devote more time to other things, so might not meet/chat as often.

I ruled out all these alternatives without much doubt. I see no benefit to her or to me if I discuss it with her.

Question: Letting a friendship fade out from a deep, close one to a much lighter one without sharing the reason - is this equivalent to ghosting? A slow ghosting?
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I asked DH.
Me: Do you think going easy on contact with "friend" is ghosting.
DH: Hmmm
Me: Do you know what is ghosting?
DH: Something like ghost-writer?
Me: : ) : ) No. It is not giving a reason to end a relationship.
DH: All relationships have a life cycle. You are close, then drift apart, maybe get back closer or lose touch. It is fine.
Me: But is fading out without giving a reason like ghosting?
DH: It is fine.

: ) as you can see that was not conclusive. I need to know if dialing down a friendship is akin to ghosting. Now that I am over the rawness of the whole thing, but sure about fading it out, posting the question to read a wider opinion about it.

 

I wish it was possible that she may not have realized the gravity. But no. I can only give a totally unrelated example: a "my kid hasn't reached home, late by 3 hours, not at any friend's place, not hanging out with any friends I know of, front office says not at school, cell phone is off" from one parent to a friend.. the friend might not realize the gravity of the situation and offer possible reasons for kid's lateness and say keep-me-posted. A "my kid was seen getting into a white car, hasn't reached home, late by 3 hrs, cell ph off, have called the police.. his friends already searching around school" would make any friend realize that I am in a "my heart is in my mouth" panic state.

Thought of that option for quite a while. Any outcome from that won't help either of us. How to proceed is decided. Whether this a slow ghosting is what kind of bothers me now.

 

Hmm... possible. So, they are not available to help a close friend due to their own feelings of fear, anxiety, worry that it might happen (or happened) to them, and that they might spill their anxiety, worry etc. to the friend who needs help. Sounds possible. But, in my book, that is inexcusable.

That seems like the right thing to do, but my heart is not in it. She had ample opportunity and moments to herself bring up the topic.

: ) I am imagining a slow walk backward by a lanky teenager dressed up as a ghost in just a white sheet.