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DH doesn't accept reality of life!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swasa, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. swasa

    swasa Senior IL'ite

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    First of all, no... I'm not complaining...

    The other day, I read thru a post in life without spouse, so moved, and tried to speak to my DH what to do with our kids if I die. As soon as I started the first sentence, DH brushed it off saying that I'm a big pessimist! I say he is a big escapist (is that a right word in dictionary?) and doesn't dare to think of worst case scenarios.

    He doesn't want me to save for myself exclusively , saying that he is saving for me already (he is genuine about it). Now I can't tell him what if I have to fight for it after him?

    I say there is a monster in every dark corner (while cautioning my kids), he says I don't see light beyond darkness. he says I don't trust people.

    Ok, I know many of the couples who face the same thing. When I ask the so called pessimist half (realist half) how they make their spouses realize it, they just shrug their shoulders!
    Any suggestions?
     
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  2. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    Imagine a glass half full of water. A optimist will see it as half full, a pessimist will see it as half empty. A realistic will know that if he sticks around, eventually he will end up washing the glass

    So you decide if you want to be an optimist, pessimist or a realistic. He probably brushed it off because in our busy lives no one has time to think what will happen in the event we die or if the spouse die. I understand your point as well. We should always be ready for the worst case scenario. But why spoil the present thinking about the future? That too about death. It takes just 1 sec for someone to die. So I don't think he is an escapist and I don't think you are a pessimist either but take 1 day at a time and enjoy it
     
  3. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    Maybe DH loves you and doesnt want to think about what he will do if you are no more????? You says he is caring so maybe he doesnt want to think of a life without you
     
  4. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    oh dear!Did you ask yourself the same question which you have asked your h??
    just out of curiosity asking you:)
     
  5. swasa

    swasa Senior IL'ite

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    Ofcourse, I already thought of what to do... You see, I have many friends who are in insurance field, so we friends always talk about such stuff like claims, custodies etc... ha...ha... But I can't do that with DH because the second I start it, he becomes deaf or brushes it off. For him, writing a trust is only for surely dying man with over greedy wife!
     
  6. swasa

    swasa Senior IL'ite

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    Yes, DH loves me n kids alot that's why he doesn't want to think bad. And I love DH n kids alot that's why I want to make sure everything goes well for us.

    Let me make clear it again... I'm not worrying... I'm just thinking. Since we don't have any serious issues between us, touchwood, we just argue/debate just for the sake of it. But only thing is we never agree to disagree!

    Anyway maybe that's the way a couple should be so that one can have an opposing point of view free of charge at home.
     
  7. aaral

    aaral Silver IL'ite

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    Do you ever imagine a loved one dying??????????????? Neither does he , that's why he brushed it off.Nothing to take seriously.
     
  8. GMReddy

    GMReddy Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    if your DH is already saving for you, just be aware of those details and procedures/processes to be followed in case of necessity.
     
  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP,
    Why are you rocking your boat unnecessarily when things are fine? Trust your DH when he says that he is saving for you and kids.
    Maybe you are worried about the nominee thing , just have a look at the papers and see for yourself. Generally after marriage wife is the nominee . Or ask him to start some savings for kid's education, future.
    Say it in a positive way , not in a depressing way.
     

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