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Desperate for your advise !!!!

Discussion in 'Return to India' started by manu2007, May 5, 2014.

  1. manu2007

    manu2007 New IL'ite

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    We are living in US since 2007 and I have been working in IT since 2010 with two kids(8 & 1 yr).Even though we are having peaceful life here I still feel lonely all the time. Unfortunately I was not able to make much friends here. Even when we get close friends they either move away or change jobs then we lose connection. Myself and my husband both work for US companies so we don't have any Indian friends at work too. When I was in India,I always used to stay connected with my parents and friends. Now a days, I am having strong feelings about moving back to India. I feel like I cannot continue living in this lifestyle forever and I am writing this with much heavier heart. Since my first one is getting older I think time is nearing for us to make a decision soon.


    My husband prefers living here and he says that it will be difficult if we move back to India now. His reasons are


    1) Kids education will be difficult( My 8 yr old doesn't know to read or write in Tamil)
    2) Finance (We are thinking that I will not be able to work in India, so we have to manage with one salary)
    3) Tight work schedule ( Here for both of us it is only 8 hrs work, but while in India we used to work for 10-12 hrs and even sometimes during weekend)
    4) I am not sure how to describe this and some might feel this is very silly. My daughter has dark brown complexion and in India they always promotes that fair complexion is good ( even in ads for face cream etc). So my husband feels that she will be facing more issue regarding this if she is in India). I don't completely agree with this but cannot completely ignore this also.
    5) City choice( Bangalore or Chennai). I prefer Bangalore because of the climate. But he says that again Bangalore will be like another US( not many friends or relatives or Tamil people).


    But still my reasons for going back to India are:


    1) avoid loneliness(especially during winter and here winter is for almost 7-8 months)
    2) social gatherings
    3) active Indian life
    4) close to parents & in laws
    5) Since I have been away from India for more that 7 yrs, I feel like some distance have come between myself and my family & friends in India too. I don't talk to them much often or share many things with them as I did when I was in India. So now I have no close friends either in India or here.
    6) Even though, I hate traffic, dust, uncleanliness, bugs in India I still feel it will be worth moving back once I cross the initial tough stages.


    I have not accepted for buying house in US thinking that one day we will move back to India. Buying house is like a big commitment for me and my husband wants to convince me all the time.


    Sometimes I even feel like my decision about moving back to India is selfish and my kids & my husband (love marriage and he has given so much for me) will suffer because of me. I really don't want to trouble them but it is really getting tougher and tougher for me now a days.


    And I feel like I am left without any air to breathe some times.


    Now I am really confused in choosing which way to go.


    1) Kids & myself move to India and see how it goes. Husband joins after 1 yr.


    2) remain here as of now and be satisfied seeing my kids and husband.

    I cannot ask my parents for advise about this because they are one sided and wants me to move back to India in any case.

    Friends could you please help me by giving your suggestions. I am really hoping your advise and thoughts would guide me through this tough stage....:drowning
     
    3 people like this.
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  2. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    This response purely from my personal view.
     
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  3. Swethasri

    Swethasri Platinum IL'ite

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    This question is always in our mind. though i am unable to suggest you anything now but wanted to share that we are sailing in the same boat with different reasons. Hope to see more suggestions from our friends.
     
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  4. manu2007

    manu2007 New IL'ite

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    [FONT=Tahoma, Geneva, Arial, sans-serif]Thanks for you reply [/FONT]Priya4oct[FONT=Tahoma, Geneva, Arial, sans-serif]. My reason for not working in India is mainly to take care of kids. We feel that the daycare wont be that much good in India. Again I don't have any personal experience in this , just what I am hearing from others. Since we have been away from India for a long time, we are really not sure exactly how things have changed/developed in India during these recent years.[/FONT]
     
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  5. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    Manu,

    I'd suggest you to talk to some one with first hand experience. My DD went India daycare for 6 months and was very happy. She had been in USA daycare before and after. I felt daycare where she was going earlier was not very good as compare to India one. Now many schools offer after school program which is also a good option.

    Honestly, I am sick of those so called NRIs or Abroad return peoples who says this is not available or this is not good in India. They never wants to say what is available or what is good. It's same everywhere, you will get what you pay.

    Again, In india there are many women who works full time and send their kids in a daycare.
     
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  6. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I was in USA from 2005-2011 and moved to bangalore.
    Here is my take..


    1) avoid loneliness(especially during winter and here winter is for almost 7-8 months)
    You will hate summers in India..Its getting soo hot here and with long hours of drive even to go to a mall..its frustrating..need Ac\coolers with Inverter for electricity..My face got spoiled very badly because of the heat...so, am still waiting to get adjusted to Hot Summers in india
    2) social gatherings..married life with kids will make you hate these social gatherings..esp at your home...u will literally be working like a maid with a little or no help...and everyone judging you around
    3) active Indian life..yes..very much active..even at 10pm relatives drop in for dinner without prior notice.
    4) close to parents & in laws...it feels sad that I had been to parents house only 5 or 6 times since i moved to india even though i stay just 500kms away(a 6 hr journey by road or 1 hr flight)..living with in-laws is another chapter all together...either u will love it or hate it the most.
    5) Since I have been away from India for more that 7 yrs, I feel like some distance have come between myself and my family & friends in India too. I don't talk to them much often or share many things with them as I did when I was in India. So now I have no close friends either in India or here...Being in India, i haven't made any new friends and only met my relatives only twice that too in weddings...my old friends have dispersed to different city or country. I am talking on phone very less than what I used to in USA to my relatives. All because, i am super busy managing home,in-laws,kid and work.
    6) Even though, I hate traffic, dust, uncleanliness, bugs in India I still feel it will be worth moving back once I cross the initial tough stages...If you love to move back..nothing will hold you back..even a small positive point among many negative vibes will make you land in india very soon.

    But understand that you were young(a teenager\kid) when you were last in India..and now you are married and have kids.I used to love all festivals as a child, but I dread them now...and hate any holidays now.
    Its tough to get this R2I bug out of the brain after it hit you. Just be prepared before you make a decision.
     
    anika987, amihere, vidyavisu and 2 others like this.
  7. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    A very difficult decision and a very personal one. What applies to one, wont apply to other.

    I am on the side to go back to India. First couple of years will be hard. Then, you will get used to India.

    If you are lonely now, think of how it will be when your kids go to college and only your husband and you are left at home. You will never have the kind of involvement in your kids life as you would, if you were in India.

    Dont drag on this decision. It will be difficult to make a decision in the future.

    If your kids get older, they are never coming to India.
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    great reply yogirl.Love the way you put things.I am also hit by the R2I bug and now am waiting for a cure:(
     
  9. anurinesh

    anurinesh Silver IL'ite

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    hi
    I am on the same boat . I am also feeling lonely as here my DH has all tamil frnds and i dont know how to speak tamil
    second their are not manky kids same age as dd
    third whole day i am sitting at home only watching tv, eating and cooking, cleaning
    thats all
    I started feeling very lonely then I realized why I am feeling lonely their is so much to do
    then I make a decision an planning daily.
    i started jim for fitness and discard the loneliness
    summer I go for a walk and winter play ball with my lil one peek a boo and she enjoys a lot and while watching her smile I enjoying
    sat-sunday family fun day
    You are a wroking lady
    you are busy in yourself you go to office you had two kids also enjoy your family time
    cooking, cleaning, organizing and decorating, learning new things also makes you busy
    once a day dancing makes your mood refresh
    listen music and do kitchen chores, talk to your hubby
    sat -sun in winter you if its not too cold or no snow at all
    you can go to chuck e cheese, play games have fun
    library they have many rhytm for kids acc to age for 1-3 year they have story time and rhymes time with mom you can enjoy a lot
    going bonkers is another
    talk to your family once a week or twice a week
    indian frnds same tooo so that you can be in contact with them
    have a skype session
    once a month go to hotel with family you will enjoy a lot
    frnds -you can make it on indusladies replies to indusladies post is also a fun you can play games also , start writing short stories if you are interested, painting if you prefer, start reading novels while listening music
    Their are many options if you change your mind
    I have change my mind and making myself busy in many activities I am not feeling alone and daily talk too mom on skype also for a time pass
    watching tv , reading doing some extra stuff and enjoying family life together
    for a change for 2-3 months leave and go back to India.
    you feel better
    enjoy your family fun life
     
  10. Lavanya30

    Lavanya30 Silver IL'ite

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    I agree to what FromMars says it's a personal decision., but it has to be sooner as your elder one is already 8.

    Well few things I would want to say is, we will for sure miss this comfort and standard of living there., but again it's an emotional decisions between your comfort and happiness. As we get older we really feel lonely here, in India you have family and friends.

    On kids education I have know friends who have gone back and felt that their kids are doing very well in all areas including the other activities.

    TC
    Lavanya
     

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