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Depression After Husband Cheated On

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by HHj, Aug 23, 2019.

  1. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, Calm down.

    Like others suggested, test for STD if any. Staying or leaving in this marriage is equally challenging. But it will be foolish to waste your precious life for a *#$%?!. You are going through a devastating experience. It is hard to forgive and forget. Be a fighter. Is there any chance that you can talk to a counselor to vent. That may help to get clarity.

    Harsh reality- your dh dont love or respect you. For him your are a kid-making machine, servant, nanny or someone to show in front of society as wife. For him you are a female body living with him as wife. There is no bonding or emotional connection or anything. He will keep on having physical relationship other women. But will find ways to hide it. He proved that he is addicted to cheating. He dont care whether you are unhappy or sad , for him his sexual pleasure is important. He is very self-centered . He is taking you for granted. Can you accept his immoral behavior ? What message he is giving to his kids? What message you are giving to your kids? What if your son do the same thing to his future wife citing his father as an example.

    He is anyway away from you for months, thats a blessing, as you dont have to see him. If I were in your place, I wont allow him ever to touch my body, even if I decide to live with him as roommate till I finding an exit. Its better to be single than having a husband like that. Living like this is hell & will affect your mind, body & health. You have to be healthy and happy for your kids. Try to tell your mind that this marriage is over and stop thinking about him. Invest your time and energy on kids, you and your future life.

    Separating or divorce, doesnt mean denying him as father to his kids. Both of you are equally responsible for kids even when you stay together or live separately.

    Ask yourself, what you want. Do you want to continue in this life with him. Will you ever be able to love or sleep with him? Will you be able to believe or trust him ?. If you dont have any feelings and done with this marriage, then, plan an exit.

    Be practical. I wont suggest you to jump from the frying pan into the fire. If there was any physical abuse, I would have suggested to get out as soon as possible and seek help.

    He is using you. So be smart and use him.For the time being use him as a provider. Stay in the same house. Build friendship circle and support system, try for jobs or think about starting some business (Do you have any skills (cooking/sewing/anything?), fine tune it. even starting a youtube channel can be a businesses, even giving tuition is a good way to earn money). You need to be financially independent and should earn well to lead a comfortable life. Otherwise, there is a chance that you repent your decision later.(search for business ideas in IL, plan , research and execute)

    If you want to leave, take your own time (decide that time frame). Now your kids are small, it will be difficult to manage everything without any support. Open a bank account and start saving. Have you inherited anything from your parents. Manage and invest it well. Plan and execute. If you file ask for child support and alimony. Even if he gave less(if you are in India), your financial independence help you to move on with life.

    I remember an old post here about a lady with three small kids and how she plan an exit from her abusive/cheating husband [Actively Thinking About Divorce - Any Positive Experiences? #11 and #13]

    No one is going to tell you what to do do. You are your own. Write down plans that work for you. And decide what you want and work for it. Be strong
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2019
  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Ok

    U don't have to move out of your house. You stay in that house with kids. Remove all thoughts about him and focus on your health and kids. Let him pay for all family expenses. Try to meditate and keep calm. Divorce him and take good alimony. Kids grow very fast and this phase shall pass. Just remind yourself it's not your fault. Take care
     
    BhumiBabe likes this.
  3. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    Be strong ... And think practically..
    No needs to stay with him because his moral side spoil your kids future also.. but don't leave him like that.. if he can pay laks for call girls, then he has to pay good compensation for u and kids.. try to think about some small in-house bussiness for the time being and later once the kid grown up develop it further..
     
  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    First, hubby won’t change n his family won’t help. Only you can change and only you can help yourself and your kids.

    Second, separating / divorcing applies only for the spouses. Kids n parents relationship doesn’t stop after this. He will always be their father no matter of your marital status. The kids can speak over phone / spend quality time with him during his visits even after the divorce.

    Check yourself n kids for std. Its a serious issue.

    Financial independence is very important:
    Continue living in the same house, he isn’t there anyway.
    Save money from whatever he gives for house expenses too - ask him for more, it’s not like he doesn’t have, he will anyway spend it for his “fun” only.

    What to do:
    Go for a job or start a home business. Women go for full time work 3 months after giving birth so it’s possible. Find an economical helper or place for babysitting. It’s extremely hard to start something, yes, but not impossible.

    Business: start cooking at home n sell out meals or snacks, even speak to local shops n you can sell something.
    Or home tuition or teach art n craft.
    Whatever you are good at, you can sell product or service.

    Your focus right now should be to rebuild yourself especially your career n the money for your sake and your kids.
     
    BhumiBabe likes this.
  5. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Have u checked support services for military and defence support families where u can report in confidentiality, speak to a counsellor there and get support?
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Her husband is in the merchant navy.....not the Indian Navy.
     
  7. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, read every word of advice given by @DDream ... The best advice I guess.

    N not just reading, you need to apply the given advice. You have to start somewhere.
     
  8. HHj

    HHj Bronze IL'ite

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    U understood the situation and him so well...thanku so much for all d guidence....
     
    SinghManisha likes this.

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