Depressed With Parents Reaction To My Advice

Well, I'm glad that you told them what you thought about their treatment of your grandmother. It takes guts to take a stand in front of your parents (especially since you already have a conditional relationship with them) and tell them that they have done something wrong.

Taking care of elderly parents/grandparents, takes a toll on families. It's not easy and I can see why they were offended by your remarks. It's easy to judge and tough to live with. You can try to empathize with them, to help them not see you as the "enemy", but for now, don't try to tell them to be "kinder".

Eventually, they might see the truth in your remarks, and follow your advice anyway. In the meantime, you can do your part to take care of your grandmother and keep in contact with her.

 

Dear OP,

I can understand your affection towards your grandmother but do remember your parents spend more time with her and would have their own reasons for such a behavior. Well, we all should be kind to everyone irrespective of age, gender, etc so what you did was right.

But I also feel you should have not messaged but should have had a direct conversation with your dad if you wanted to put forward your thoughts especially when your parents are very sensitive towards your comments and have always been like that (as indicated in your post).

My parents are exactly the same, as long as you go with whatever they do, they are super nice. But when you try to correct them they are not. I think there are very few parents of that generation who would consider your words & respond if there is any way of misunderstanding of the situation or take your feedback. Most of them just rebel like yours.

Yes you need a thick skin, do whatever best you can. When you have a POV to share about a situation, be mindful of the words, tone & content you use, try not to offend them. Yes its our parents and we don't need to be so formal but at times you should, its best for yourself & people you love.

With your current situation, give them time. They are parents after all, they wont be angry for too long. After a while try and talk to them & try to sort their negative emotions.

Good Luck

 

When people get aged they think that they are correct . They have seen more world than you ,so they are right .You will be always child for them . Never have any right to advice them.

Very few parents understand their child has grown and become adult now . He or she may have better idea than the parents.

Especially when you send message or even phone conversation won't help in such scenarios as there is slight chance of miss communication. You meant message in a different way ,they read it in a different way.. !! Quite possible. Even if you want to convey ,convey it in a polieted manner and they may understand.

One of my friend has been similar situation and friend's mom told her . "You come here once or twice a year .So you better enjoy your vacation and go back rather than interfering in unwanted matter ." She was in shock how her parents changed and then what is "family " ?? But that is the reality !!

If you are feeling sorry for your grandma ,if possible you spend quality time with her visiting once in a week or month or so ..

 

As you said, you went home for a short trip. Your parents are the ones taking care of your grandmother 24/7. It can be very difficult both physically and emotionally to take full-time care of an elderly person especially if they are not in good health. Older people can also get very demanding and unreasonable sometimes, reverting to child-like behavior. Your parents are not young anymore and it is likely a strain for them too.
That is probably why they did not take kindly to your advice. My parents went through this for almost 25 years with my grandmother. In her later years it was very difficult to care for her and my parents had to make many sacrifices. No one would offer to help, but they would always be quick to comment, criticize or offer unnecessary advice about my grandmother's care. Try to put yourself in your parents' shoes.

 

Forget about the equation between your mom and grandmother. You cannot force someone to love. It should come naturally and she may be having her own reasons and history for her attitude and behavior now.

Whatever be the case, it is the younger generation's duty to take care of the older one. This ,your parents are fulfilling. Apart from that, dont dig into the intricacies because they are living with her 24*7. And old people tend to be more emotional and throw a lot of tantrums. So dont judge by what you actually saw for a few days.

 

You were wrong to message them.
Your parents must be getting old too and it is not easy being a caretaker to very old people.
There must be some history between your grandmother and her children if they are reluctant to take care of her.Your mom is doing what she can.
Instead of messaging,you should have taken over the caretaking while you were there and given your aging parents a break .That would have been a better message.
If I were in your place...I would apologize to them.