Decoding The Encrypted Message

Hi all,
As I was going through my turbulent recent past events, getting advices from all the experienced beautiful ladies out here... i have tried to self analyse myself as to why I am so depressed and how to get out of this phase and help myself.

So while analysing, I realised that I have turned out too bitter because of all the wrong done to me (professional dirty politics and personal dirty politics of in-laws, etc).
I have become too short tempered and bitter from inside that I am retreiving back myself into shell and not wanting to deal with the people who caused mental trauma to me.
Plus all the other issues together kept brewing anger, resentment and hatred inside me like a pressure cooker which could burst out anytime.

But off lately,I realised that I cannot change the people around me but I can change the way I deal with those people.
I started to be more calm though still I get aggressive and defensive sometimes when I feel like someone is hurting me bad.
By default my nature is that of naive, honest, straigtforward yet strong woman who doesnt take anyone's crap n one who goes out of her way to bear any amount of pain, any suffering make 'N' number of sacrifices to help the needy.

But I realised very late that I couldnt "DECODE" the hidden messages that life was giving me through these bad people (after all the damage done and me wondering why am I suffering despite doing good all my life and never thinking bad for anyone nor did I ever lie, cheat hurt others or mistreat n abuse others!).

Like the professional dirty politics where I worked hard sincerely, did overtime, night shifts, study n work without interfering into other colleagues or seniors lives nor gossip about them unlike all my other colleagues and even the superior n senior most docs who is involved into gossiping back bitching about others and showing partiality etc .
So it happens that my juniors will maskafy the seniors docs, get theor way through, not work well nor are sincere...but i like a fool refused to decode this encrypted message of the world that being sincere n honest wont get u anything unless it is accompanied by smartness and some acting infront of the senior officials to gain fame and "praises".

At personal level, called spade a spade with inlaws and dh...led to multiple quarrels... Almost the relationship and marriage were at the verge of breaking....somehow survived through the major storm.

Lesson learnt and hidden message decoded- some manipulation, assertiveness and smartness is required to deal with inlaws.
And so is needed with dh too along with lots of patience, lots of sex and love and pampering to turn him to my side.

I would have never understood these hidden coded messages of life....these are not taught to us...nor life comes with a manual of dos and donts.

Till few months back, my way to live was - tell it as it is and not take sh*t from anyone.

Now after decoding the hidden messages of life - i learnt that we cannot survive if we are raw and honest. Some amount of pretention, manipulation, assertiveness is required to survive in this cruel world.

Ending the post with this quote that I have seen many times but the dept of the message I have understood only now -

 

Hii, i disgree with you here. I don't know about others but I had been way too mature ahead of my age from childhood due to lot of past issues which made me to grow up mature in childhood itself.
I from childhood have always maintained good relation been fave for everyone be it home, relatives or school, friends and I was the most polite and most fave student for every teacher and even my school principal that even now she remembers me and praises me for my mature behaviour and for veing her one of bestest students in her lifetime.

Im not the one to cut off people and end relations easily just because something unpleasant happened. I'm always the one who puts myself in others shoes 1st n think y they did what they did and if the person is close to me and cares for me genuinely...i would go out of my way to sort out matters even if the other person is wrong n shows ego.

What i am talking about is different . The usual tiffs and misunderstanding n fights between our loved ones or friends is a different thing. Each thinks differently and the difference of opinions and some communication gap, use of wrong tone and wrong words in anger is enough to create rifts in any relation.

But what i mean is when the person is not genuine with u and is manipulative , lie knowingly just to manage some fake image of ''good' while their deeds are all wrong...thats where i dont give a crap about such people and would get defensive n will never let them mis treat me to show their power or to bully me or take wrong advantage of me.

My post is to refer these dishonest, masked people...who get their way as they want despite hurting lieing, manipulating etc to get into the good books of others or misusing their status/position to bully people ike me who are honest and straightforward n who dont understand the games of manipulation and the dirty politics get to suffer the worst.

Initially i didnt care a damn as i believed if imI good and honest and doing my work sincerely, not hurting others nor gossiping about others then God will never let anything bad happen to me.
But I was wrong. That is what i DECODED in my life... That no matter how good you be.... You cannot survive at work place or marriage with raw honesty. There has to be some manipulation, some wrong things happening which has to be ignored even if its wrong because that's how society functions.
In short, I learned to pick my battles rather than fighting for justice for every small wrong done to me.

 

I'm so glad to get a response from you sir.... Previously too you had given me hope and wise advice when i was newly married and was going through worst battle with dh n inlaws.
Yes i totally agree with all your points and that's what I am realising now.

That my anger / reaction to others wrong may or may not hurt or affect them but it will definitely consume my energy and make me bitter.
Hence, I promised to myself that I would try to be assertive and calm as much as possible in any situation irrespective of the actions of the other person.
Its very difficult to be calm when the other is hurting you...but still I'M learning.

 

Agreed ...yes management it is....but the word manipulative i used for my scenarios bcoz putting your words/thoughts in a twisted manner so as to make the other person do what they want you to do is called management or not being blunt or too honest....this is what u mean right...and i totally agree.
I used the word manipulation for the people who tried to step on me wantedly to suppress me and dominate over me by showing me in bad light amd acting as if they are the only good ones when the reality is opposite...for that i used to the word manipulative.

But yes i totally agree with what you said about survivng and maturing.... I'm still learning a lot on how to deal with the bullsh*t with a smile on face hehe.
Now a days i tend to laugh whenever i think about the people who did wrong to me...i laugh at myself for getting defensive and fighting over m showing my anger over the wrong said n done to me... Bt now m at peace...learning to let go....learning to not give them importance nor power to disturb my inner peace.