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Decisions/choices Made! Can You Blame Others For It?!

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by BeingSoulful, Jul 18, 2017 at 3:21 AM.

  1. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    This question has been bothering me for a while. I am always watchful of what advice I give or opinion I pose on others. I know I can really influence my loved ones, I can empower them with my words; sometimes hurt them with my opinion too. There are times I regret suggestions provided by me to others, this is only because certain decisions made by individuals may lead them to different road of life, not a pleasant one. I don’t blame myself of course because there are always various factors contributing towards making some things work in love, career & others. And one’s advice may not be fully responsible for something to go wrong.

    But I always try my best to leave the conversation open ended so that the person seeking help is able to introspect as required.

    I recently saw a new member posting comments against this forum, blaming the suggestions given here. Out of curiosity I visited the complaints website link that he/she posted. There a MIL who posted that her DIL tried to take divorce because DIL was advised to do so by this forum and the MIL could view all her posts because she left it the laptop logged in to the site.

    I strongly believe each individual is different, perspectives, education & cultural backgrounds, the learnings from their own life & so on. Each decision made to change their life or efforts to make things better is individualistic & no one should place that blame on anyone else, this includes your parents, friends, well wishers, etc.., When someone takes time to listen & provide suggestions, it is purely to help out. But the final call is always made by the person dealing with the issue. One should own it completely.

    What are your thoughts on this?

    There are always two-sides to the coin, what do you think are factors one should be mindful of while providing suggestions?
     
    Vedhavalli and Sandycandy like this.
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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes.
    The person dealing with issues has yo make final decision.
    If a poster is lying about their issues, its not the forum members fault.
    advice is given as per their post.
     
    BeingSoulful, sindmani and Sandycandy like this.
  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Gold IL'ite

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    I assume most people here are mature adults . This is a forum just to vent out or seek others opinions but the final decision is of the poster , so no one is to be blamed ! ( what's the MIL doing snooping on her DIL's internet activities ??)
     
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  4. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    The OP mentions that the DIL left the computer on, logged into IL, with all the posts showing.

    MIL has done what she is supposed to do: Keep a watch on the new entrant to the family for suspicious behavior. [ :smirkcat: This is certainly not meant for the snooping MIL]
     
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  5. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    sometimes posters may not or practically paint the whole story in a thread. A thread running upto 1-2 pages cannot be read and thoroughly put through. We need to consider the factors such as difference in communication styles, lack of personal contact during communication, language and reasoning abilities etc.
    The suggestions are for reference only given the actual scenario may be over or understated at times.
     
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Gold IL'ite

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    In many cases, when a member posts their problem seeking advise, we are not aware of the whole story just one or few instances that they mention.

    And based on that 'one or few' instances, we give different views / perspectives / advises / suggestions for it based on our experience, exposure and how we understand it or how we feel may work for them.

    Even in real life, if one person talks about their problem to 10 people, all 10 will give their own view and suggestions to that. And you would pick and choose the points that may work for you out of that. N even then, it's upto that person to decide if they still want to follow through or not.

    At the end of the day, it's the individual's choice to follow all, any or none of the advise that comes their way.
     
    BeingSoulful, sindmani and Sandycandy like this.
  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Gold IL'ite

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    suspicious ! Is that a DIL or a hardcore criminal ! The MIL is being plain naughty !:nono:
     
    BeingSoulful likes this.
  8. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Well even if the DIL has proceeded for divorce then logically the MIL should be accusing her and not IL because it is ultimately her DIL who took a decision against them.

    But to me, it seems like their relationship will work because no matter what the MIL finds the DIL to be innocent and just being wrongly adviced by others:grinning-smiley-048:
     
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  9. Naari

    Naari Gold IL'ite

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    Op, I am going to draft a good disclaimer tonight so no Mil, Dil or any husband can blame me for the decision taken by a family member based on my high esteemed opinion on this forum!:tongueclosed:

    Even professionals who you pay for services disclaim responsibility from actual outcome saying things could go either way, talk of blaming ILs, nothing but hilarious :lol:
     
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  10. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    For many of the comments/complaints/whines of daughter-in-law posts on this forum, she must verily suspect her own MIL is responding to it on this anonymous forum. Perhaps from some neighborhood internet cafe or next-door geek's computer. MIL always recommends divorce. Her instincts drive her to protect her child/son. That is all there is to it.
     
    BeingSoulful likes this.

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