December and one grey hair...

The mountain's head is white
And mine is too
December dies, the year
Runs out its string as all things do
- Yuan Mei (1716-1798)

So another year has passed. Oh, and yes, I acquired one (yes, just one ) grey hair too. Like rivers flowing faster and faster as they reach the ocean, it looks as if time is flying by faster every year as you approach your destination (or another beginning, as how you look at it). What with annual reviews, performance appraisals etc (in the work front), one tend to think about an appraisal about one’s life too L. Funny, every new year brings out a flash back of things undone, conflicts unresolved, love withheld, books unread, knowledge not acquired, goals not set, etc. But then as days fly by we tend to get caught up in day to day matters, till another new year and another post mortem.

“Kairos is an Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While Chronos refers to chronological time, Kairos signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens. In our busy world, it's important that know and practice the difference. Cultivating our sense of Kairos allows us to make space for and appreciate the special moments in our lives....”

The above is an excerpt from some book I was reading recently (or was it in some webpage I was browsing? I really don’t remember). I just stopped here and thought about it. Of late, I am realizing my fast approaching senility and the sudden panic it unleashes “oh-god-what-have-i-done-with-my-life” or rather “oh-god-what-all-have-i-left-undone”. I hope you understand the feeling. So when I read the above para, I really had to look back for those special moments or Kairos – the time in which something special happened.

And I realized that my life is full of such ‘special moments’. Those moments where nothing great (according to others) happened but then it’s etched on your heart. Which gives you pleasure whenever you recall it. A moment where time stood still and you lost sense of yourself. A moment in time where you were content. Where there was no hunger.

And those moments are all insignificant and normal. Easily attainable. Like the moment when I was a child and was racing my uncle to a village 10 kms away – following a path on the banks of a river. Or the first time I caught the gaze of a boy in my class and realized that he’s been doing it often (oh, nothing happened – it’s just part of adolescence). Or the moment I used to sit with my father on the terrace talking about anything and everything. Or the moments, early in the morning, when I just cuddle up with my husband, doing nothing. Or just looking at my son sleeping… Oh, there are countless moments like that which fills our life. Those are times we don’t need anything further. We feel secured. Like we are inside our Mother’s womb. May be that is why we don’t remember them often. Because they don’t cause havoc on our emotions.

I realize that we tend to carry those moments and emotions which disturbs us emotionally and which leaves us so dissatisfied that we tend to feel that that is the sum total of our life. I wonder why is it so? When our entire life is full of moments which are filled with contentment, why do we dwell on all those disturbing emotions? Or is it that every moment is a Kairos if we accept it as it is?

I don’t know the answer. I read a Russian saying in a book recently – “It does not matter where you live, just so long as you are not hungry”. It is true. Hunger is not only hunger for food. Wanting anything is hunger. If I could remember all those moments when I was sated, I could look back at a life fully lived. I guess those moments far outweigh the hungry moments in my life.

Thoughtfully,

 

Pallavi,
thanks for the first feedback. i wish to write regularly. Rest is inshah Allah.
bhagya

 

thanks viswa for you kind reply.
i have read 'power of now'. and yes, i did enjoy it. I still remember, it was the year the book was released and Mr Eckhart Tolle had come for his promotion to India and gave a lecture at the Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan auditoriam, Mylapore. I attended that too and remember being impressed.

 

hi,
thanks for your encouragement
bhagya