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Debating Event

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Mickey, Jan 4, 2017.

  1. Mickey

    Mickey New IL'ite

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    Hello everyone,

    I hope this is the correct forum to post this thread. I am seeking opinions on whether or not I should attend an event, and since it is a desi family event, I figured this forum would be an appropriate place to pose the question. It may seem like a silly issue, but it is causing me quite a bit of anxiety.

    Currently, I am trying to finish up a course which is quite stressful. I am also married with a young toddler. We have no immediately family nearby, as we are living overseas at the moment and most of my family/relatives are in another country. However, I do have some relatives here in a city that is a few hours away. Due to numerous issues, I have gained a lot of weight over the past few years. Easily over 50lbs. I know I need to lose weight, and I will do so when I can, but at the moment I just have to make peace with this fact. My family has made it no secret that they are disgusted by my weight, I need to lose weight asap, I look ugly and hideous, this is not normal, I look like an 'aunty', etc etc. Like many Indian families they are very frank about this matter. However, I am very sensitive about it and feel awful when I have to hear this. I have taken to avoiding taking pictures, avoiding family events, avoiding taking trips because I'm so ashamed about my weight.

    We have been invited to attend a family occassion being held by my relatives who live a few hours away later this month. The family hosting this event is perfectly lovely and I am on good terms with them. However, there will also be 100 other guests at this party, and we will all be required to dress up in traditional attire. I would normally love to go, but I'm dreading it because of my weight. I wouldn't put it past some of the people there (who I don't know very well and haven't seen in years, when I was a much lower weight) to actually say something to my face about it. Everyone there will probably be pretty slim (I'm guessing) and generally among this crowd being overweight is viewed in very disparaging terms. I know I should not take it to heart but this is such a stressful time for me in general, and things in my personal life/marriage are already going so badly, that I feel this additional stress will affect me very badly.

    On the one hand, If I go, I could end up feeling totally humiliated. I will also have to spend a lot of money on a new outfit (one that fits), a car rental, a gift, etc. I also need to just focus on my course at this time, and this trip would take up 1-2 days, not to mention all the energy I will have to expend beforehand getting everything ready. I already feel utterly depleted, and can't afford to waste precious energy.

    If I don't go, I could potentially offend these really lovely people who have invited me. I've also cancelled on these people several times in the last few years making one excuse after the other (but the real reason was my ballooning weight), so I think they're getting a little tired of my excuses. I genuinely like these people and they're very close to my parents, so I would feel bad about damaging my relationship with them.

    So, should I commit to going or not? I'd appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Not exactly life or death matter here, but I would like to get the perspective of other Indian women.
     
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  2. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Don't let them get you down. Go to the event, enjoy and have a good time with the hosts
    Mean people will always try to put you down.
     
  3. Mickey

    Mickey New IL'ite

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    Dear Vennella,

    Thanks. I agree I should just go and stop caring. The hard part is the execution of it. Let's see how I do!
     

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