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Dealing with Toddler/Preschooler tantrums, especially outside the home

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Pavarun, Oct 12, 2008.

  1. Pavarun

    Pavarun Silver IL'ite

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    I am interested in any tips you mommies may have for dealing with tantrums, especially outside the home (stores, etc). I am noticing that Pavan is more likely to have these when he is hungry but sometimes they happen even otherwise.

    For example the other day since he was feeling lazy and did not want to go to daycare in the morning (wanted to go shopping instead) I promised to take him shopping in the evening. As promised I took him shopping on the way back home from daycare (he loves to sit and "drive" in the shopping carts that look like little cars), we went around some aisles and I bought him a chocolate milk (he usually has one on the ride home most days). When checking out he saw some candy/chocolate and wanted to buy that. I said no, we do have some candy at home and he could have that after dinner. But then it started. We ended up waiting for half an hour waiting outside in the parking lot since he refused to get into the car.... I think one reason was his usual schedule of coming home from daycare was broken, and he probably go too excited...

    But any of you face these situations? Any tips to deal with this?
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2008
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  2. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    it sure is testing. You cannot just threaten to leave the child there and drive off too, he may not feel afraid. You can only try to distract him, say that the candy is waiting for him or something like that. You can also tell him that you will not bring him again if he behaves like that.

    My son was a very good child that time and would never throw tantrums at all. He can talked out of a situation, even now. I always used to tell him the truth only, no poochandi will come or bootham will come or any such thing to try to scare him.
     
  3. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    I tend to agree with you. I go back to Dr Sears for this too... Here is something interesting to read. This para esp...

    Like you said, I often note this when K's eating schedule is disturbed. The only thing that's worked for us, as Varloo said, is distraction and removing K from the spot. Though I do not generally believe in forcing the child to do anything, when he throws a tantrum, I ask him if he is upset, take him out and tell him we can do more fun things. At home I just hold him till he has finished riding out the tantrum/crying. I am also curious to hear what mothers do generally.
     
  4. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Krithika, that para about blood sugar levels and hormones going whacko, I think that's true even with adults. :crazy It has been researched and proved that you should NEVER go grocery shopping in an empty stomach, you are more likely to make unhealthy choices.

    Pavarun, didn't mean to hijack your thread, but I thought that was interesting what Krithika shared. Looking forward to hear how mommies handle though.

    Raj
     
  5. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    oh dear if someone gave me clear solutions to tackle this i'd be indebted to them lifelong.

    My boy is never taken to supermarkets/shopping on empty stomach. But still he throws such tantrums esp for candies and toys. Toys I have somehow reasoned out with him that he gets only on special occasions. But candiesRant. Some days reasoning helps, there are days i cry when he goes non-stop 'i want, i want', some times i leave him in that idiotic counter and walk away and he comes to me, some times i say no shopping today, let's go home. It's damn difficult to have a consistent way to handle his tantrum. But atleast now he has stopped screaming (twitching his face oh god!!!).

    One thing i have learnt from experience. Never take the child's tantrum personally in the first place. That's what, i realise, makes me get angry at him. I try to think that he simply wants to make his decision (though this is always not possible) and i have to respect his wish but tell him nicely that too much of candy is bad for him.

    He had this habit of picking up smarties evertime he went to petrol station with his dad. One day DH just left a screaming him in the car and after that he knew he can scream his throat out but he'd not get 'it'. Most of the times i think only strict discipline works:(

    I'd like to emphasise Varloo's point though... never lie to a child.

    There is one other aspect on which i want some guidance. In germany it's very common for shop-keepers, clinics to treat kids with gummibärchen (i think they are called gummi bears in the US). Once his ped gave him one after an injection. That's it! everytime i take him to the ped (even his sister's visits) he'll start 'amma gb, amma gb'... i've even told him he should ask the doc and not me. IT is embarassing. How to tell him not to ask like that? are am I being too fussy?

    Latha
     
  6. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Latha, maybe you can try telling him not to accept anything from strangers or anybody else for that matter and refuse politely? I don't know just a thought...

    Raj
     
  7. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Raj,

    Aniish knows and does take my permission before accepting anything from strangers. In fact people here check with the mom discreatly before offering the child. I only want him to know that gifts or treats are not to be asked for. May be he can understand this only as he grows up. His mind simply connects candy with clinic/shops/saloon.

    Latha
     
  8. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    In that case, yes, I think he's too young to understand that. Maybe you can 'ration' the number of times he gets candies from these people, so he doesn't think he'll get one everytime he sees that person? You can just discreetly say 'no' to them now and then so he'll stop expecting it every time and then it will just a surprise treat when he does get a candy from them.

    Raj
     
  9. Pavarun

    Pavarun Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. In general I avoid taking Pavan to the grocery store on an empty stomach. But in some cases, my best efforts fail (got only 2 days to do all the chores...)

    I also try to reason with him that it costs money to buy things and he cannot just pick up stuff, but I'm not sure how much he can absorb at 3 years. This is especially the problem with these character licensing where they throw on kids' favorite character on anything (there is even a cereal box with a big picture of Clifford the Red Dog - and Pavan loves Clifford!) and charge 300% premium for it. I wish I could strangle those marketing folks, they sure know how to market to children.

    I am now leaning towards doing grocery shopping by myself....

    I think the other issue is also that he is not completely verbal yet, so I'm sure it adds to the frustration. Hope it passes.

    Latha, maybe you can tell him that the gummy is for being brave (after a shot), so he has to wait for his turn for his own appt?

    -Sindhu
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2008
  10. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    Here is why I love reading your posts, Latha. It has been a challenge to me not to take it personally when K has a meltdown, especially at bedtime. I end up giving him to R to put to bed and cool off with a brisk walk. Bad Mommy!!!

    I am actually surprised that docs do that, bribing for cooperation LOL. Can you pre-arrange with your paed to give him something healthy, take a snack bar or cookie yourself, slip it to the paed. If it is the asking that's embarassing you, can you just validate his needs without his getting his treat. "So you want a gummy bear because the doctor gave you one last time. But he does not have any this time." or something like that. If Aniish still wants one, you can always say he cant have one yet, but at home you can bake something interesting together (given how much he enjoys it) and have that as a treat!
    K wanted some greasy Channa Batura that I was eating, not the Ragi dosai I was feeding him at a restaurant. He started insisting on eating my food, got off the seat and was about to grab my food. So I got down to his height, told him without shouting "He wants what amma eats, but because it is deep fried and not healthy he cant have it yet" He did calm down, now I am waiting for the day he will ask me if 'tis unhealthy and I cant eat it, how can you?" LOL.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2008
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