Dealing With Family

Hi Elsa,
I can able to understand your pain.Because one of my friend's sister ttc for 10yrs with all type of treatments.She decided to stop treatments for 3months.She moved to new place and met new people...You know that she conceived in the second month naturally and now she have 9yrs old daughter.Never give up dear.

 

dear plz don't get low be positive n u will conceive soon.. my older sis conceived late n my mom had to face the problem like ppl would not give my mom the babies wen I got married one lady came n asked mom is ur younger daughter having good news but luckily I was that lady just walked away angrily not saying a word bcz they wanted to taunt as they did during the sis time..
dont let anyone make ur day bad..

 

i was in similar situation. My PIL started enquiring on my pregnancy right after my marriage, but each time through a different relative. we know its them but we kept quiet. they lost patience and let a relative verbally abuse me(only me and not my DH) in a family function in front of everyone telling that I have purposely postponed our pregnancy for 2 years(while i was stuffing pillow under my dress to see how i would look like if i am pregnant).

PIL neither supported us nor consoled us. They very much enjoyed seeing us standing helpless to answer the lady. I dont understand what these women who couldn't understand our difficulties, learn from being a mother. In fact my PIL had declared on the very next day of my marriage that they will not look after our kid in future.

i don't have any issues now as i stopped meeting them and stopped expecting humanity from them. so what i meant to say @Elsa please see on your positive side. its better to stay away from people who don't understand our struggles to conceive. its a plus that u r in a different country and its okay that u don't get invited rather than invited and insulted. Pregnancy is all about mind so be happy that u r away from stress and concentrate only on ur life.. u have ur big dream to achieve.. thats ur motherhood. so chase it without focusing on obstacles.

I sincerely pray God that anyone who faces such troubles should soon be blessed with a kid and happy life.

 

There are two sides to this.
One is they are being mean and narrow minded in not sharing the happy news with u.
The other, the more positive reason is, they know it TTC struggles and don't want to cause all the more heavy heart by sharing such news.
I know it hurts. But we have to heal our wounds and get back to fight more

 

Same here... Ditto!!! My own sis-in-law has conceived n has never revealed it officially to me or my husband. During her last pregnancy which ended up IUD, v were the ppl who consoled her constantly n put in courage. N now after an year she is almost 4-5 months preggo I guess, n she avoids coming to our home. N last week wen she visited us, my mom- in-law was constantly giving her special treatment in front of me, expecting I wud ask her whether there was some good news. But my DH has strictly warned me against asking her about her pregnancy. He is hurt coz he was the first person to know about her good news the previous two times n now she is hesitating to reveal it to us, as if v will harm her. I don't understand these ppl's logic, even my MIL has never revealed this to us but keeps telling daily that her daughter is on bed rest completely n it's so difficult for her to manage the household. If she had ever revealed me like the previous one, I wud be more than happy to pamper her here at my home but I don't know Waz making her not to do dat. Who has told her wat? I feel so bad at times, infertility issues have impacted on my relationship too in the family. I try keeping distance with everyone these days coz they have only one question for me. So @Elsa chill, every dog has a day n our day shall come too. God can't test us longer. He will definitely bless all the ladies here soon with cute LOs. Tc.

 

It is quite natural to think about you when you hear similar news, especial when you are trying for it. I think it is over reaction to do this way. I feel that you should congratulate them and join with them on this happy news.

It is your decision when to have kid and mostly it is not in our hands, most of the time. Even if everything is perfect, it may take time. If some one ask you about it say' I will let you know' ( nothing more nothing less) . I used to answer this way because I delayed trying for baby for 5 years, due to my studies and career. Even though I consider motherhood is the best thing happened in my life, I think delaying the pregnancy was the best thing I did it to my self. I was emotionally and physically ready for it when it happened, That helped me a lot. I faced similar questions many times, but I accepted the reality and joined their celebration without any issue. When we over react and related it this way people find it hard to share these kinds of news with us.

 

Elsa, sorry, I didnt mean to hurt you in anyway. Sorry if you feel that way.

I saw your first post only where details are not provided . Read it once again. You will then understand what I meant. Everyone is different, their body, situation etc.. so I feel we dont need to get upset the way you said when you hear about others news ,as you wrote here. It make you depressed and sad, it affect your treatment too .That is why I meant by over-reacting (it is natural to get sad as we compare that to our situation- but not to the extent you wrote here). You only know your situation no one else, accept it and move on. I feel that when our face reflect the feelings you wrote, people became cautious may hide similar news as they think it may make you sad (especially when one is trying for years). I read another post in IL where people try to neglect the OP in that question for similar reasons.

Husband and wife only knows what is going on in their love life. I feel that no one has any right question like when we have our baby. I used to get very annoyed when people ask me why are you not trying, why dont you go for treatment etc..it is none of their business. My husband and me took a decision that time if we get a baby we will be super happy if not we will accept and move on. so we say to them "we will let them know if we have a baby" -no more questions and avoid the topic. But thank God, it worked. I have faced it to the core( I was away from relatives , that also helped) I just neglect them and keep me calm and relaxed...I shared my story on how I faced it for years. My intention is not to compare it with anyone else. Please dont take it that way.

Hugs to you dear. I know how hard it is to be in your shoes. (I personally know stressful journey of my friend. After multiple abortions/surgeries/treatments, finally succeeded by IVF procedure and blessed with a baby girl )
Anyway be strong, keep on trying, dont get stressed..dont ask 'why me question' , dont compare your situation with anyone, every one is unique. Be positive.. being relaxed is very important for you..takecare