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Dealing With An Extremely Stubborn Child?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by anika987, Sep 27, 2019.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Everyday..

    She gets angry and is like “I want you to pass away”,” I hate you”..We are very careful with language and what she watches.have no idea how she started using these words..

    She hates everything I cook and wants only school lunch

    She hates studying and it’s a Hercules task to make her finish one page homework.sometimes she is so stubborn,she will go without doing it.


    She hates swimming,dance,music.So I tried other things..she wants to quit right away.Nothing interests her.

    Starting from wake up time,brushing the teeth and getting her to dress up..it’s a struggle.


    My kid was stubborn and it was in control.Now, it’s beyond control.

    Timeouts or me being very stern works.However..that gets her even more riled up and she uses abusing words and is downright rude.I don’t give up but everyday is a struggle and she is only 6!!


    Is it a phase? How to tame a stubborn child??
     
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  2. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Anika,

    I am not a parent ,but you can take away what you want from my observation.
    I see from previous posts that you are bogged down with a lot of issues yourself and not in a happy place yourself.
    You can't have a happy child if you are an unhappy mother. There is no exception for this..

    Do you do fun spontaneous things with your daughter ? Do you turn on the music and do a happy jig together, do you randomly at times hug her, cuddle her and tell her you love her... Do you at times play silly to make her laugh.
    Does she associate being with you with happiness and warmth.

    I believe that children absorb energy of people around them very easily. So try being a happy positive person around her..
     
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  3. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Sometimes kids are too young to handle soo much variations in a week.. like a different type of class each day of the week.

    I tell my kid that we are going to TRY a new class for 3 sessions. If she likes, then we enroll, else move on. This way they feel that its their choice and hence attend the class with enthusiasm.
    The classes that my daughter doesnt like, but i like...i will spend time with her to make it interesting.. like sing along or learn the song before her and practice with her.

    For now, i would say give a break and stop the classes for a month.. let her play at home since the new grade just started and she must be already dealing with new teacher, classmates, new rules, etc.
     
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  4. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

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    @anika987
    Sometimes or more often kids absorb what parents talk/behave, and they give it back. It might not be from tv, but from everyday life. Spend some time with her. Also, check with her before starting any activity, even though she is only 6, she is a separate person with all the feelings as adults. But once you start an activity, tell we are going to continue no matter what for a period pf time (in my house it is one year since most activity has only 1 class a week and no classes in summer). At 6, I do not think they know what exactly they want. As an adult, sometimes I barely know what I want. So try a few activities which has her friends in it first, and see if she like it or not. At least you will not have the struggle to get her to the activity.

    As for food, since she is 6 year old, ask what her friends bring for lunch. I do it with DD, she takes lunch from home 3 days a week and 2 days she eats from school or whenever they have her favorite stuff on the menu. Before you buy grocery, ask what she would like to take with her next week, write and display. And try to accommodate that. If they are not very healthy choices, find similar alternative or add something nutritional to the package. and tell her why you did that. In our house we have a rule, even if DD don't like a food I cooked, she has to try as many times as her age before she rejects it. So my DD will have to eat 8 tries of new food during the meal time before telling me she doesn't like it. We make sure that she (and us) follows through.Or she is more than welcome to cook her own meal (this is my threat). I let her work in the kitchen when she was 3-4 year old for cleaning up and cracking egg etc and it went up to putting away groceries and cutting vegetables with butter knife now. When you get her involved she will know how hard it is to make a meal.

    Also, the rules you set for her should be kept by your husband too. no bending laws when he is around. The words that she choose and her attitude, let her know right away that is not acceptable and are rude.
     
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  5. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    @anika987 i have a kid of your age .. so I understand completely this phase .. when it comes to eating food she is also like yours .. Refused to take home food ate school lunch completely in Kindergarten.. now in first grade she started feeling like Home food is healthy good for her than school lunch .. what I did was I told her go and order what you want st the same time I prepared same item she will order at lunch and took that at lunch time .. she told your sandwich is very better mommy and she left the food she purchased .. sorry for wasting food but I wanted her to decide her self what is good healthy .. So you try to make food fresh and go to school lunch time at least One day a week ..

    Coming to using Abusive words it’s not her fault she is getting it from school .. I heard a kid saying something like that to a mom .. they learn these words from school ..so give her sometime .. watch her friends .. ask her from where she learned those words ..

    Spend 1 on 1 time with her take her to a play area but her a pizza let her play enjoy .. this age is just to go school n play .. dint stress for extra classes .. I am glad I aske here for advice before joining in a class .. you know people online are helpful n genuine than people we see live ..

    Am guessing she is single kid . So was guessing she might be bored .. try to make her to play with kids around your home that may change some behaviors .. kids like to play with kids of their age not with adults ..

    Try things .. patience is the key I know it’s easy to say .. but fix that at this age only .. you can mold her at this age only .. once they get older it gets tough ..

    How is she at school good with friends n all .. does she have any complaints from school ..?
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    She says she likes her friends and teachers..
     
  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Let her have school lunch for some time , she will then later ask you to pack lunch.

    my experience with my kids is they don’t like cold lunch , so I always take lunch from school which I consider as snack.

    They come home and have a proper lunch around 3:00

    It was a nightmare to pack lunch for my kid one year when the school did not have hot lunch program and I have tried thermos boxes too to keep food hot but not everything works well for thermos.

    check on her friends , see if they are influencing the talk , usually it gets picked from friends doing the same with other kids..
     
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  8. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Both of my kids are like that. One gets angry easily and other start crying. I always have to find out something funny or of their interest to divert their mind. Small kids easily get diverted. And also I observed that if I keep pampering them and pay all attention to change their mood then they start enjoying my attention and keep it for long. Else I ignore them and do some other tasks which make them feel that I didn't get affected in any way with all this. And they stop it on their own.
     
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  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    More to come -
    1) You don't love me anymore
    2) My heart is hurting
    3) I don't want to be here anymore.
    4) You love him(insert sibling) more than me
    5) I wish xyz aunty was my mother.

    In other words, this is normal. Ignore it.

    Buy lunches. In time, they will hate school lunches and will want only home food. You will miss this. I have to fall at her feet some days to please drive thru somewhere for lunch because I'm tired. To think I prevented the school lunches, all those missed opportunities. I'm kicking myself for it.

    She's in the first grade. Don't make it a chore. I would do some positive reinforcements - as soon as you finish HW, we can go to the park or do something that's desirable. Nagging her won't give results as much as getting to do something she wants to do later gives.


    You've asked this question many times. There will be something she genuinely likes - reading, drawing, basket ball, volley ball, gymnastics, unstructured activities - hiking, biking etc.

    At that age, I just told her she got to choose her songs in the AM only if she got ready on time and came downstairs. Otherwise my boring play list will start. There should be something she really likes to do before school. Capitalize on that. It could be a cool water bottle or a cool snack. My daughter would rather wake up and get ready on time than eat idli for snack - how uncool mom would be if she didn't get downstairs on time.

    Use negative consequences only for serious offenses. These days I take away the car keys for mouthing off but back then I used the positive reinforcement method.

    Yes. She's just testing her limits. Be smart and don't get overwhelmed.
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    My sweet baby who used to cry for me even if I look a little tired is being so arrogant! Maybe I need to expect the unexpected:)

    Just now she said “I need a new mom,please pass away.You are ugly!”

    I don’t know what to say.I didn’t even react.I acted like am reading a book.

    As you said,maybe she is testing me and wants me to break down!

    Today I thought a lot about my mom and I know I will call her tonight and apologize:)I miss her so much
     
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