1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Daughters of Narcissistic mothers

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Veerah, Feb 18, 2016.

  1. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    2,670
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I have been a daughter of narccistic mother....she didnt use to beat me mercilessly but yes a slap here n there whenever she wanted without a real mistake from me....
    she use to put me down consistently....she use to make fun of me infront of all the relatives....
    i was an achiever in my studies always a topper in my school but i was never ever appreicated by my mom....never heard any word of encouragement or praise from her while my neighbours used to praise me that when all other children are playing or watching TV how i spent my time in studies only....but in my family i was made a stupid out of my studies habits....for them it was something which i am doing because of my stupidity....i was a stupid hence i prefer not to miss any classes and tution instead of going to marriages and parties or to relative's place...My mother used to tell all that she is fool and stupid thats why she doesnt like to go anywhere....
    when i topped my university in grad and i was heavily recognized for that....she said to me that you must not have thought this in your dreams even that you can top the university....
    when i established myself in a good job she said to me that you are educated and doing job and independent then why everybody else consider you a fool...
    inspite of having above average looks i was told consistently that my hair are bad, my skin is bad my lips looks odd when i apply lipstick, my nose is flat....while in hostel my friends used to tell my that they like my nose because it is small....i said that i dont like because it is flat, they said no not at all it is not flat....
    list goes on like this......she used to say very nasty things to me which i dont want to write....because of all this i never valued myself,my sense of self-worth was low....no matter whatever i achieved i never felt that i have done something good....
    my father was really supportive of me ....i was able to survive only because of him...
     
    2 people like this.
  2. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    927
    Likes Received:
    692
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    omg after reading all your experiences and all i m feeling am i narcissistic mother :shock:
    because i scold my elder dd 7 yrs often for all her silly mistake and love my younger dd as she is just 15 months. but i love and appreciate and get all that she (elder) want and play and read stories to her. sometiems i feel bad to scold her for unncessary reason but i appologise her later and love her....am i that type of mother :cry:
     
  3. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    2,670
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    i have read somewhere that all parents make mistakes but a good patents feels apologetic after they realize their mistake while bad parents never admit their mistakes. ...
    one more thing to note....in normal parenting. ...there is harshness and love both....while in bad parenting you only feel harshness with no love....
     
    2 people like this.
  4. EfSotta

    EfSotta New IL'ite

    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Also think that
     
  5. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    927
    Likes Received:
    692
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    thanks yaar to make me feel light..i was really confused. but this is true that i scold her to core and then whole day i feel guilty and in evening get her dairy milk to compensate...that means i m normal :lol:
     
  6. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    763
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel that the insecurities , past bad experiences and prejudices that ladies have, are manifested in their behaviour towards their kids..of course there is no justification for their behaviour..
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. Miracle1000

    Miracle1000 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,399
    Likes Received:
    1,100
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    It's really sad to hear about these kind of moms.. I am grateful to God for giving me anow amazing mom who treated me and my brother so equal and never shown any partiality or anything towards me. I pray to God that Your mom finally makes peace with her hurtful past. You are a best daughter. Hats off...
     
    3 people like this.
  8. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    763
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't think so, Scolding to discipline a child is ok and any good mom has definitely scolded her kid at some point or the other to correct the mistakes of the child...but as long as u realise ur love for the child and behave compassionately with her it's ok..on the other hand, denying basic needs, causing physical harm to the child and putting down the child in front of third person like relative or neighbour and repeatedly telling them that they are not good for anything ...these things are done by narcissistic mothers.
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    3,938
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    dont know but...since you yourself mentioned that you scold harshly and for unnecessary reasons ... from next time control yourself and dont be so harsh with her ... she is still very young and needs you as much as the lil one. Every word you speak will pierce her and hurt her and often, as you read from the other accounts, those things stay for life. IMO, if at all there is a doubt in your mind, heed it, and pull back on unnecessary scoldings. It is better to make the rebuke proportional to the crime instead of being very harsh and then giving a chocolate afterwards.

    If you scold her and then tell her oh I dint mean it then you are creating a problem for yourself. she has no way of knowing when you mean it and when you dont, right? if you make this a habit then when she is older she may completely ignore you or rebel which will be another problem for you. So always make the scolding proportional to the problem.

    Handling 2 small children by yourself can be overwhelming. Check yourself -are you channeling your frustration and tiredness or anger regarding some other matter into the scolding -if so, that is not her fault and you should find a different solution for that.
     
    3 people like this.
  10. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    285
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    I also used to feel that, I shout at my kid more ofter.... But I make sure that, I provide equal love and affection....

    But at times, when my DD is so naughty that, she will not even listen to me, I will shout at her.... her face will be terrified as if I am a monster.....immediately tears will come in my eyes.....

    I am always against beating and scolding kids.... but when I do that in some situations, I used to hidden and cry... being a working mom, I always feel guilty for this.... :(
     

Share This Page