Hi All, As I was browsing articles on the internet I came across something on Narcissistic mothers, their behaviors, their treatment of their children etc. That is when it struck me. I found answers to so many unanswered questions.. how had I not known about this? The narcissistic mother I am talking about is my grandmom. Embarrassed to even call her that or give her that status in my life. For everyone who has not heard of this or dont know much about it... read on and everything I have described about my grandmom pretty much sums up behavior of narcissistic moms. Narcissistic moms have one scapegoat who they ill treat and usually have a golden child who they treat with utter love and shower their favoritism. Mom grew up in a family of 3 daughters. Mom was the eldest. Mom was constantly talk down to, beaten up, scolded and not taken care of. Mom doesn't remember getting hugged, kissed or caressed by my grandmom ever not even when she was a baby. She has no memory of this at all . But she has memories of her dads hugs and love. Grandmom was jealous whenever mom got close to her dad. Grandmom had some serious love for her second child - the golden child. The golden child will get new clothes, praises, love, attention and the scapegoat (my beautiful mom) will get scoldings, old torn clothes and beatings. So much beatings that even the second child was encouraged to join in. When the second child will pull moms long hair , she was urged 'pull more, hurt her, let her cry'. Though grandad was not bad when mom was young as years passed he succumbed to his wife's pressures and started ill treating mom too. Mom studied well, was smart beautiful, the second child was constantly failing in class, stubborn n socially unmanageable. But at home mom was useless, stupid, not goodlooking etc. Mom was sent to school in torn clothes (my grandparents were very well to do), she went to school in her dad's old shirt and torn pavadai(skirt). The golden child got brand new salwar kameez's, dresses etc. When relatives and neighours would comment how my mom was ill treated, my grandmom would ignore them or stop talking to them. Mom was ill treated in front of her friends and schoolmates to an extent where her best friend still remembers (20 yrs later) how poorly my mom was treated at home. When mom got married, they (grandmom n granddad) would poison mom about dad. They would say bad things about dad n his parents so mom dislikes them. They wanted mom to be always dependent on them. Initially mom believed them n hated dads family and seperated for a bit. During the separation she realized their true intentions ( she was highly mistreated, verbally abused while staying with her parents) It was the case of frog in a vessel jumping into fire because it thought the vessel was hot. She moved back with dad started fresh and worked out her issues. I came into the picture and no I wasnt ill treated. But growing up I would always wonder( as a 5 year old) why my grandmom doesn't love me. When mom n dad did well and became successfull, my grandmom was jealous and would spew hurtful words. When mom lived a better life than the golden child, they would backbite mom, say hurtful things, make faces or giggle behind mom's back ( I have been a witness to this too). One day when they were over, some silly argument turned big and they decided to walk out of our house. They stormed out. Mom overcome with pain over words spewed and false allegations made, refused to call them. Guess what, its been 20 years, my grandmom never called or msged or visited... nothing. Granddad visited us once in these years spoke normal, spent time with us etc. Thats it. Sometimes I'd sit back and wonder how can a mom not care about her daughter. How can a mom not even make a move to call or get back in touch. How ? I can never heard of mom like this. My research on narcissistic mothers, tells me that the best way to move forward to recovery to keep no contact with the narcissistic. As no contact will give time to heal, and move and live a new life. I was happy to read this as the no contact we have had with the narcissistic in our life has done us so much good. I called mom told her about my research and this new word 'narcissistic mother', told her the signs, their behaviors, told her other people's testimonials on online sites etc. the first thing mom said was...'Wow so I am not the only one?'. All my life, I felt mom's unspoken question..'why only me? why doesnt my mom love?' Was I adopted?' Why only me?. Yesterday I called her and gave her the answers. Because she is the daughter of a narcissistic mother. Good news? The chain of narcissism stopped with my grandmom. My mom is a wonderful mother. The best mother God could have given me. Shes my best friend and my greatest asset. She has a wonderful husband and lives and happy life. I read somewhere that the scapegoat end up doing better than the golden child. In moms case its true. Im not new to this site but I created an account to type this. The reason? Just telling my mom that there are others like her, others who have experienced similar treatments like her from their mothers gave her so much relief in a way. She could relate to everything I found on the internet on this topic, she got so many answers. I wanted to share this so anyone out there so any daughters of narcissistic mothers can know they are not alone. There are many like this. I urge you guys with similar experiences to pour your heart out here. Sometimes being heard and being understood helps so much. Maybe I will show your posts to my mom and show her how you can are managing, how you came out of it or how you are dealing with this. Sorry for the long post. Thankyou for reading.