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Daughter after marriage become outsider ?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by abcmart, Aug 16, 2010.

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Jul 5, 2017 #31

friendabc Silver IL'ite

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SGBV said: ↑

The problem is that we are modern, yet apply traditional rules as per our convenience.

Daughters are happy to stay away from parents, and leave all the responsibilities towards aged/ailing parents to sons- SILs as per the tradition.

--- I take care of my parents more than any man will

Daughters are happy to get big fat dowry by draining almost all the savings of their parents in the name of marriage, and they don't feel guilt as it is a part of custom.

--- i havent got a single rupee .in fact i paid for my own wedding

Daughters are happy to make further requests from parents in terms of culture like gifts for Thala Diwali, child birth, and few other traditional ceremonies, in which parents are expected to give expensive gifts.
--have only accepted 101 rs

During all these matters, the sons are expected to earn, share their salary with parents for their living, and take care of them when they need physical support. DILs are forced to provide care for the old parents since they married to these sons.
If parents can't afford to pay

--- my parents dont take a single rs from anyone ..on the contrary they provide to brother

/support the marriage or after marriage expenses of the daughter, then by default the son has to bear that duty too. Because the tradition is like that only.
------- dont take even a single rs

AND... the tradition wants to be fair to both genders; thus it says the properties need to be given to the son.
It says the property needs to be given to the one who takes care of the older parents.

We are Americanized in our thoughts, but in practice we are typical villagers.

---- not me

Legally the properties need to be shared equally regardless of the gender of the children.
Morally the responsibilities of taking care of the old parents need to be shared among children.

---i take care of my parents and take them to hospital

Practically the children need to divide the responsibilities depending on their circumstance. Such as the one living with them should give emotional/physical support, the one living in abroad (and earn in $) should give financial support and the one lives elsewhere within India, can visit parents when in need and spend some days to give a break to the other sibling who is living with the parents.
This way, the parents can divide their assets too.

The child who is living with parents get more care, pampering and love to the grand-kids. Also the older parent can give physical support like baby sitting, help in kitchen to the DIL when they can to expect any favor later on.
The child who financially sponsor the parent can get a good share on the property.
The child who is in need and who has financial struggle can be favored depending on his emotional support.

When we are not traditional anymore, don't apply the traditional standards only to asset sharing
Click to expand...

SGBV said: ↑

The problem is that we are modern, yet apply traditional rules as per our convenience.

Daughters are happy to stay away from parents, and leave all the responsibilities towards aged/ailing parents to sons- SILs as per the tradition.
Daughters are happy to get big fat dowry by draining almost all the savings of their parents in the name of marriage, and they don't feel guilt as it is a part of custom.
Daughters are happy to make further requests from parents in terms of culture like gifts for Thala Diwali, child birth, and few other traditional ceremonies, in which parents are expected to give expensive gifts.

During all these matters, the sons are expected to earn, share their salary with parents for their living, and take care of them when they need physical support. DILs are forced to provide care for the old parents since they married to these sons.
If parents can't afford to pay/support the marriage or after marriage expenses of the daughter, then by default the son has to bear that duty too. Because the tradition is like that only.

AND... the tradition wants to be fair to both genders; thus it says the properties need to be given to the son.
It says the property needs to be given to the one who takes care of the older parents.

We are Americanized in our thoughts, but in practice we are typical villagers.

Legally the properties need to be shared equally regardless of the gender of the children.
Morally the responsibilities of taking care of the old parents need to be shared among children.
Practically the children need to divide the responsibilities depending on their circumstance. Such as the one living with them should give emotional/physical support, the one living in abroad (and earn in $) should give financial support and the one lives elsewhere within India, can visit parents when in need and spend some days to give a break to the other sibling who is living with the parents.
This way, the parents can divide their assets too.

The child who is living with parents get more care, pampering and love to the grand-kids. Also the older parent can give physical support like baby sitting, help in kitchen to the DIL when they can to expect any favor later on.
The child who financially sponsor the parent can get a good share on the property.
The child who is in need and who has financial struggle can be favored depending on his emotional support.

When we are not traditional anymore, don't apply the traditional standards only to asset sharing
--- again ...whatever u said apply to taditional daughters ..not me
Click to expand...

friendabc, Jul 5, 2017

friendabc, Jul 5, 2017

#31
Jul 5, 2017 #32

friendabc Silver IL'ite

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Mistt said: ↑

I'm not here to argue and I said about my feelings. Priorities are varies from person to person. My first priority isn't property. Look at your quote, that is personal question not the generalized question.
Don't get guesses, my packets aren't fill with my parents money or not going to be happen. My parents brought us equally.
I don't support gender discrimination.
Click to expand...

but in ur last post u were telling daughters ' NOT TO ASK FOR THEIR SHARE'
So ..wht is ur opinion??? shd daughters get equal share or not?? (if they r sharing equal responsibilites)

friendabc, Jul 5, 2017

friendabc, Jul 5, 2017

#32
Jul 5, 2017 #33

Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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friendabc said: ↑

but in ur last post u were telling daughters ' NOT TO ASK FOR THEIR SHARE'
So ..wht is ur opinion??? shd daughters get equal share or not?? (if they r sharing equal responsibilites)
Click to expand...

I didn't tell anything like that. I told about what I feel...
If daughters sharing equal responsibilities, then they have right to get equal share. It is completely my view.

Mistt, Jul 5, 2017

Mistt, Jul 5, 2017

#33

nakshatra1 likes this.
Jul 5, 2017 #34

friendabc Silver IL'ite

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Mistt said: ↑

I didn't tell anything like that. I told about what I feel...
If daughters sharing equal responsibilities, then they have right to get equal share. It is completely my view.
Click to expand...

well then we r on the same page ..although some earlier commenters were telling daughters to shut up and keep quiet and let the brothers have all ...which was totally BULLSH****. (MAY be they r the brothers themselves lol)
thanks ..peace

friendabc, Jul 5, 2017

friendabc, Jul 5, 2017

#34
Jul 5, 2017 #35

Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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friendabc said: ↑

- since uve got ur share , u think that way/ if u hadnt got ur share u wd hv asked for it 101%
Click to expand...

no.

Sunshine04, Jul 5, 2017

Sunshine04, Jul 5, 2017

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Jul 5, 2017 #36

Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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friendabc said: ↑

t was practically easier for ur parents to give u share cuz they had land and house ..but what if they only had one huge house where they lived with ur bro and sil..how they cd hv done that???
Click to expand...

no idea.the parents should have planned

Sunshine04, Jul 5, 2017

Sunshine04, Jul 5, 2017

#36
Jul 5, 2017 #37

BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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SGBV said: ↑

The problem is that we are modern, yet apply traditional rules as per our convenience.

Daughters are happy to stay away from parents, and leave all the responsibilities towards aged/ailing parents to sons- SILs as per the tradition.
Daughters are happy to get big fat dowry by draining almost all the savings of their parents in the name of marriage, and they don't feel guilt as it is a part of custom.
Daughters are happy to make further requests from parents in terms of culture like gifts for Thala Diwali, child birth, and few other traditional ceremonies, in which parents are expected to give expensive gifts.

During all these matters, the sons are expected to earn, share their salary with parents for their living, and take care of them when they need physical support. DILs are forced to provide care for the old parents since they married to these sons.
If parents can't afford to pay/support the marriage or after marriage expenses of the daughter, then by default the son has to bear that duty too. Because the tradition is like that only.

AND... the tradition wants to be fair to both genders; thus it says the properties need to be given to the son.
It says the property needs to be given to the one who takes care of the older parents.

We are Americanized in our thoughts, but in practice we are typical villagers.

Legally the properties need to be shared equally regardless of the gender of the children.
Morally the responsibilities of taking care of the old parents need to be shared among children.
Practically the children need to divide the responsibilities depending on their circumstance. Such as the one living with them should give emotional/physical support, the one living in abroad (and earn in $) should give financial support and the one lives elsewhere within India, can visit parents when in need and spend some days to give a break to the other sibling who is living with the parents.
This way, the parents can divide their assets too.

The child who is living with parents get more care, pampering and love to the grand-kids. Also the older parent can give physical support like baby sitting, help in kitchen to the DIL when they can to expect any favor later on.
The child who financially sponsor the parent can get a good share on the property.
The child who is in need and who has financial struggle can be favored depending on his emotional support.

When we are not traditional anymore, don't apply the traditional standards only to asset sharing
Click to expand...

I think that Daughters are willing to talk care of their parents... though most of the daughter's husbands are not so keen on the idea. I can't speak for all daughters, but if my parents need me, I want to be able to take care of them. The money and gifts they have given me, I am happy to receive them, but they give it because I don't get them from my husband or inlaws.

You seem to think that taking care of parents is a very Indian thing to do, and by not, you are being American. I think that's incorrect. I have met Americans that have an in-law living with them (after the spouse has died) or they live in the same city, so that they have a lot of contact. I am constantly surprised how connected or disconnected each family ends up being - regardless of where they come from. The thing with Indian families that I have noticed is that elderly parents become financially dependent on their children. This puts a burden on the child - if there's a son, it's UNDERSTOOD that he has to step up, and therefore the DIL has to be the caretaker. If there is only daughters, the daughter with the most understanding husband would be able to help the most.

I don't disagree about the "applying traditional standards" for a modern world. It's why there is so much confusion on how to deal with things. I like what you say about splitting up the responsibilities. We have to find solutions and compromises, rather than get offended that one sibling is getting a bigger piece of the pie.

BhumiBabe, Jul 5, 2017

BhumiBabe, Jul 5, 2017

#37

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Jul 6, 2017 #38

friendabc Silver IL'ite

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Sunshine04 said: ↑

no.
Click to expand...

Sunshine04 said: ↑

no.
Click to expand...

lol. .after pocketing the booty ..even i will say the same

friendabc, Jul 6, 2017

friendabc, Jul 6, 2017

#38
Jul 6, 2017 #39

Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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friendabc said: ↑

lol. .after pocketing the booty ..even i will say the same
Click to expand...

BOOTY.OH GOD.

Sunshine04, Jul 6, 2017

Sunshine04, Jul 6, 2017

#39
Jul 6, 2017 #40

Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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Sunshine04 said: ↑

BOOTY.OH GOD.
Click to expand...

If parents have lots of money,they do have to give at least some to daughters,if not half.

Sunshine04, Jul 6, 2017

Sunshine04, Jul 6, 2017

#40

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