Dancing In The Rain... Handling Myself In A Conflict

@MindVoice- Nope. Conflict and smiles are very far away from me.

Small issues- We talk it over. Whoever has the issue talks and the other listens. I have learned that listening is an art and sometime all we need is to listen what the other person says.
I have an issue about how he acted/ reacted I talk to my DH and usually, the answers is "I wont do it next time". Sometimes he won't repeat it, some times he does... I just tell him again not to do it. Small issues we both don't mind talking about it, but won'tnt take it seriously.
Ex- My Dh has a habit of nagging me, right before he leaves for work. He is well aware of his behavior and he just cants help himself. I have had to repeatedly tell him not to do it. This behavior has reduced a lot. But when he is stressed or has a deadline he nags/ reminds me of stuff. I just text him a few hours later he shouldn't do it and I tell him exactly what has to be told. He usually says sorry or yea he gets it. We both dont make a big deal out of it.

Bigger Issue- Is also talk, basically. It takes few extra days and a lot of thinking on how to handle the situation where I don't offend him, still stand my ground. Some of the bigger issues have to be communicated with a finesse, sounding fair to both parties. Otherwise, it will just lead to lot of other fairness problems.
Usually, I start to explain my situation or how I see things from where I stand and I give an opportunity for my DH to talk too. Sometimes he talks more than required. Making sure he gets my final opinion is what matters.. not who talks more.

Certain things.. I just let it go. I just say yes. Let's do it. These are things which my DH has already made up his mind, not included me in the decision. ( like a brand of coffee maker )

However, I kinda delay the process... If I am not sure if the process will lead any fruitful results. My DH usually catches on my behavior and pushes me to go with it or makes sure we talk it over or makes me understand what I am not able to see.

It's a team effort. You need to know your husband better and communicate the way he understands. Its the same for your DH too, he should listen more to you, understand you more.

Communication is the key.

Goodluck.

 

I assess every conflict I have with my husband. I categorise the conflict - there fall under various categories depending on priority, seriousness, consequences, my ability to do something about it etc.

Some fall under annoying and inconsequential. I have rather cathartic eye rolls perfected for the occasion and I completely ignore it. Then I remain normal.

If I need to do my thing but DH is opposing my decision rudely I say, back off / get off my back / you better take back what you said etc. Then I do my thing and remain normal.

Anything serious that has to be dealt with, I tell him I'm mad but will talk to him when I calm down. I first cool off. Then I prepare my argument and practice it in front of the mirror using intonation, making motes if necessary (I'm a bit obssessively thorough when I want to be) then implement my speech. I stick to the current problem and don't digress. I don't allow interruptions - I keep saying let me finish or I'm not finished yet. Once I've finished my speech, I refuse to listen to a reaction. I tell him clearly on don't want his reaction but want a considered response. I expect him to think it over and then talk to me about it. Then I walk away. Still I remain normal. It was a struggle but I persevered and now its second nature.

Husband's style used to be to say it rudely. I've taken away the power of that by not responding to what he says but reacting to his tone. I used to raise my eyebrows and state, I think you need to calm down and figure out what to say and how to say it instead of being rude. Then I'd continue the same way as before. If he needs a change, he had to be polite. If it were fair, I'd comply else explain clearly why it wasn't on.

 

Just talk with husband. Try to forget and forgive if hurts have happened either directly or indirectly by in laws. More over I never maintain silence for more than few hours. I initiate the talk and he probably will be waiting for it. Lol. Rarely had happened other way as well. Treat him as you would treat your own parents or friends. Infact more than them. That amount of love, affection will travel across to most partners ( not all because of the amount of problems I see people encountering). Most of the understanding couples have their own ways of solving their problems. Share your work be it at home or shopping etc. Share your chores at home. Make your life enjoyable every single day and every single act. These are the small things which enhances your understanding and love. Even silence if it is normal can enhance love. But silence due to misunderstanding should be avoided in a marriage, and every effort should be made to rectify this issue.
All the best.

 

My happiness lies in my hands. This is my mantra.

That's the way to go to deal with any conflict.

 

Aww man! I know how hard it is to be SAHM. Hugs to you.
I exactly know how you feel, coz even with co-operating DH sometimes I feel exactly how you have put it.
A thing or two- Look into Coursera. You can do online course for free or even get certification as low as $80-$100.
Have you a strong support network- your family, parents, Indusladies, mommy groups. Do something for yourself. SAHM needs this "my thing" otherwise we are bound to go crazy.

 

@MindVoice - What can i say....you just voiced over my mind!.. in a very close similar situation. Receiving a cold shoulder treatment, blame game, unrecognized , unappreciated, ignored. I feel an emotional distance , depressed and lonely. I dont talk to family or friends about it. It is always his way and nothing of what i aspire to do matters, even if it is the smallest.

From Day 1 of this relationship i have been left to fend for myself, he has taught me how to be independent for which i'm indebted to him for my life!, but in the process he has forgotten how to love and care which is what i needed and still need.

I have to constantly remind him that i want his presence everywhere in my life, but i feel like i'm only part of his priorities. I get gifts, surprises for all the special days, but that is not what i need or asked for, a few minutes spared to talk to me about what i really wanted would have helped, but traveling for work during that prime time of bonding evaded such discussions completely.

I feel there is no compassion,affection here anymore and even if is there, it is only when he likes something get done from me and since I crave for this compassion , i give in, - he knows my weakness, i guess.. I feel like i'm sticking around just for the sake of responsibility and keep things at the bay.

I know i'm depressed, dont get the feeling that he is there for me no matter what comes my way!,

I dont talk to friends or family for the fear of being judged.

I barely vent out, but today i feel like i have given up and... i have...