1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Dad's Torture

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sillygurl, Feb 3, 2017.

  1. sillygurl

    sillygurl Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    My dad was visiting my sister and me in US and went back recently. We tried our best to cater to his needs ...like taking him to restaurants (foodie) etc as much as we can. My dad's siblings take advantage of him big time...His parents financial responsibility were solely on his shoulders as long as they were alive though all of them are doing well. He knows this deep down , though he always wants us to gift really expensive stuff to them ,same value as mom's siblings. Mom's side of relatives truly love us and want the best for us. They always send us lots of handmade stuff with love, while dad's relatives are super jealous of us doing well and even if they visit they dont gift anything.Its been so many years and we are done with them. We dont want anything from them , we would also like to treat them that way. To make dad happy we bought gift for his sister(close to 60 dollars to his fav sibling) and 10 -15 dollars stuff for his other siblings. We did buy nicer stuff for mom's relative, because we are not shameless people to take stuff and not give back anything. Dad hates it and creating such a mental trauma for us. He went back to india and he constantly telling us that he has only chocolates to give his folks nothing else..which is not true. Not sure how to handle this...I feel beyond disgusted about my dad's attittude. He treats mom , me and my sis as enemies .

    Note: Neither me nor my sister is working
     
    maddysweet likes this.
    Loading...

  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Op...why call it torture?Why exaggerate?
    Dad is unreasonable.
    Dad has too many expectations.
    Dad is impartial.
    But why use a sensational term like Torture?He asked...you gave what you could.he cribs.Usual family drama.
     
    sindmani, KashmirFlower and guesshoo like this.
  3. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    141
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    He is your dad, fulfill his wish. Even thoughdad side relatives dont send antything do gift them for dad sake.

    Dobt do silly fights with your dad, he may be feeling so sad knowing his kids doesnt like his siblings but only mom side. In thus old age they already go thru lot of health issuess etc so try to keep him happy.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    240
    Likes Received:
    158
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    HA! what you are doing is right thing..you are maintaining relations as they should be, you cannot be fair to people who are unfair to you, this indeed is mentally very stressing if your own DH or dad doesnt understand this basic equation of relations, relations are give and take, be it love, gifts or anything....they are 2-way street and mutual....treat others the way you want to be treated....the fact that someone is using you or taking you for granted is a reason enough to become distant from them....as for your dad, tell him that you are not earning, its your DH money and you want to spend it on people who give you the same love respect affection or monetary gifts....try to explain this to him politely few times but if he still does not understand it, then let it go and dont argue on these things...
     
  5. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    240
    Likes Received:
    158
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    One more thing to add:

    It is either like a difference of opinion between your dad and you, when he understands that his side of relatives are not that warm and still he wants you to spend on them....this is like a sadhu mentality...
    OR he is trying to maintain his status by gifting decent costly items , this is a people-pleaser personality....
    in both the cases, the stress of "why should I spend hard earned money on people who give a damn to me" is happening to you...so again you are doing the right thing, its just that you need to explain this to dad..who may not accept this in front of you..else, say "papa I maintain relations based on what I get from them..this is the basic rule of relations..it may not be for you, because they are your bro-sister and out of your one sided love you are blind to what they do to your kids, but for me..I dont have that emotional love factor"..
     
    adisum likes this.

Share This Page