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Crush Issue..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Gbsy, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. Desideer

    Desideer New IL'ite

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    You are just being human. Dont beat yourself over it. Accept the feeling and know in your heart its a beautiful feeling and let it go. It's ok to window shop, just dont buy. Unless you want to screw up your family life dont confess your crush feelings to him/your husband.
     
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    No worries...

    Plan ahead, and make your H stay at home during their possible visit time. Also, ensure his DW accompanies him, so that you guys are in pairs and there will be nothing for you to feel otherwise.
    If possible, involve kids too. So, there will be absolutely no chance for anything called romance when young kids from both end messes around. Never mind, you can clean up the mess later on, along with the mess your heart created ;)

    Don't ever, ever, ever confess your emotions, specially about the crush part (that too as a written message) to him or anyone. It can backfire you later (so beware).
    This kind of emotions will fade away on its own, and you may wonder why did you feel so hyped about this. So, better keep calm and process everything cautiously.

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
    Sinant, Laks09, PurpleRoses and 3 others like this.
  3. Deepika23

    Deepika23 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Op,
    As @SGBV suggested , never confess your crush or feelings you had for him to anyone. You will not know how it will backfire. If u confess to ur husband, you are breaking his trust , love and peace of mind. He may start doubting you . in future even a slight change in ur attitude toward him or ur dressing style will make him think otherwise.

    Whenever the crush thoughts pop up think of his negatives and ur dh’s positives. Decorate your house with photos of ur family and the very sight them will make all other thoughts disappear

    Take care
     
    Gbsy likes this.
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I don’t think it’s right to confess your feelings with your crush.
    Especially if you are married and you are sure tat you don’t want to spoil your current married life!
    It will definitely affect not only your married life but even his family in one way or other


    “If you can�t tell your husband or wife what you�re doing, then you probably shouldn�t be doing it. Even if it is innocent.”
    7 Tips: How to Deal With a Crush When Married
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
    PurpleRoses, Anusha2917, Gbsy and 4 others like this.
  5. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    When he sets your heart aflutter,
    Melts you like a stick of butter ...
    If you're single and looking, aw heck —
    Put a varmala around his neck.
    If you're married, you must desist
    And tie a rakhi around his wrist. :p
    .
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    No offence . But this is the best :roflmao:
     
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  7. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

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    Sometimes subconsciously we get attracted to something which we lack in our lives. It might not be a conscious thought.

    Op, look back and search within yourself what you are feeling that lacks in your life which you are seeing in that person.

    Once you knw that, you can make effort to bring that element in your life.

    Crush is defined differently by different people.
    As a child, I had no crushes but I loved crushed ice gola hehe. Ok it was pun intended.

    As a teenager, I had crush on my senior in school who was elder brother of my friend who studies with me in my class.
    They were or same cast as us and our parents used to meet too (since me n the girl are friends).

    Stupid me used to play (F.L.A.M.E.S) with his name n my name (i guess all 80s n 90s kids would have played this game atleast once).
    I wished n dreamed that one day he will marry me. Lol. Ofcourse, after 2years her father got transfer and the family left.

    I forgot him within few days.

    Later in college I had a huge crush on a boy who was different cast and different religion. He was my best friend who used to discuss anythin and everything with me under the sun. But I always knew inside my heart that we have no future and this will remain as only friendship.

    Till date I don't know if he had feelings too. But he was definitely special than a friend but less than a lover.

    After marriage, I only crush my husband when I'm angry on him lol. Pun unintended.

    Op, this too shall pass. Give some time. Dont tell anyone about your crushy crushy feelings. Let it burry inside ur heart and keep it safe there.
    A casual interaction is what you should have that too if it's inevitable to cut off contact.
     
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  8. swapna9

    swapna9 Junior IL'ite

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    Even i am going through the same phase. Don't know how to get out of this
     
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  9. zahra123

    zahra123 New IL'ite

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    Gbsy, I can truly understand what you are going through. i was also going through similar kind of phase but in my case the 'crush' was my ex'. We know very well inside that it is wrong to think about the crush being married, but sometimes emotions take a heavy toll. It is easier said than done when others say 'concentrate on your family and your children'. This makes us feel even more guilty and make ourselves think why am I acting immoral and where are my values gone? Honestly the answers from the ILites have really helped for a motivation and energy, but still sometimes I used to get laid back by our emotions. I can also feel the 'stress' that you are talking about and the urge to vent our emotions at some point of time.

    Honestly I don't have any advice to you as I am also one person who is struggling to get over this and trying to give more importance to values over emotions. As I find strength in overcoming emotions and when I look at my family it makes me proud. I think we have to appreciate that sense of feeling and move on. On the other side when I was giving into emotions at some point in the past it used to make me feel guilty and painful and overall a disturbed life. Our mental health is only in our hands and I think we are better off and at peace following our brain than heart.

    Ask yourselves questions like "Do I want to lead a life backed by guilt ?" , 'Will that give me absolute happiness" For you it should be a lot easier than as you didnt have longer periods of engagement with other side and the crush seems to be one-sided.

    Wish you good luck and Peace
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019
    SinghManisha likes this.
  10. SaiKiran1

    SaiKiran1 Junior IL'ite

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    status update any? :p

    @Amica whaat a reply!
     
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