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Crush Issue..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Gbsy, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Feelings are not easy to control. There is no way that logic and reason, will change your feelings. If you have a crush (which is an infatuation), you would enjoy being in the presence of this person, but you would feel the need to further the relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. If you have an emotional attachment (closer to romantic love), that when it becomes really dangerous. There is a part of you that wants to pursue it, but the smarter part of you, knowing that you already have a good life (one you don't want to leave).

    If it is the 2nd, you will have to break your heart and give this guy a lot of distance. You will have to mourn the potential of a relationship, because in a different life, you could have pursued it, but now, you will not and cannot. It will hurt, but you need to experience the heartbreak and move on from him. If you don't want to move on from him... you have to be ready to be single, before pursuing a relationship with him. I don't think you really want that.

    If you want to give your mind something else to think about, why not distract yourself with a hobby or create more intimacy with your husband. If you have thought about what is drawing you into an emotional attachment with this guy, maybe you can figure out what is missing in your current life, and try to find a way to recreate in a safe way. Its worth a try.
     
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  2. Gbsy

    Gbsy Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for the replies dearies..
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
  3. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    I have had few crushes on people. The last one is the guy who has a shop in front of our society. I can see him from our house and so can he. If we have to go outside we have to take the road in front of his shop. Now he is a very busy person with lots of customers. Earlier i never noticed him though i could see him often from my house. Once i went to his shop to buy something and he just answered in a very loud manly voice , and thats when I started noticing him. He is handsome. From that day he became my crush and i started looking at him a lot of times. Then i became conscious of him and would never buy things from his shop. If at all I had to buy anything from his shop I observed that he would always look away. Occasionally our glances met.

    Then i happened to see another lady in our society who has a more serious crush on him. She would frequent his shop so many times a day. Even while walking out on the road she would be staring at him. Seeing her i felt how silly she and me is. I stopped having a crush on him after that. Even now if i happen to buy anuthing from his shop, the guy would turn his face away.
     
  4. Gbsy

    Gbsy Senior IL'ite

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    Update:
    Thanks for making me feel lite.. moods are little settled down..

    He is planning to visit the city next weekend.. I can't stop him to not meeting as they have few friends in same apartment and practically that gives wrong signal between our friendship (his DW)

    Can you suggest..
     
  5. SaiKiran1

    SaiKiran1 Junior IL'ite

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    Invite them for dinner, make it a just casual affair and don't get too excited.
     
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  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Either claim you have a prior engagement ( birthday party , recital blah blah)
    Or
    Stay on and invite him over with husband around. ( I am afraid, you will see him again and come up with a update on this post about how your feelings are back with a bang and how much you miss him ).





     
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  7. Gbsy

    Gbsy Senior IL'ite

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    @SaiKiran1 formal hosting is good idea, but I'm worried may butterflies come back again as @SinghManisha pointed.

    If it inveitable ,I'm planningto force my friend too for visit, it will become complete family get together and I will be busy in chatting with friend and work.
     
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  8. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    I am sorry, i would differ. You have to go NO CONTACT. I have had a course in psychology in college. such scenarios ask for that.

    you can mention to him privately and proceed . however it may be, it is upto you.

    i understand it sounds stupid and against the belief of many , this is just my opinion.
     
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  9. Gbsy

    Gbsy Senior IL'ite

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    @lavani scenario wise it is right idea. But as they moved out recently I can't stop contacting them abruptly. It is a slow process and I'm initiated as calling friend when he is not in home, and avoiding by giving phone to kids.

    + 0 contact, gives you more stress and burst out at one point. I'm staying away, reminding how my life is beautiful, focusing on his -ve points

    And what to mention him privately?
    1. Mentioning that I have crush on him so stay away? It is next to death for me.
    2. Does a man leaves any woman, if he come to know someone having crush on him? (Gentlemen etc.. stories far from reality)
     
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  10. SaiKiran1

    SaiKiran1 Junior IL'ite

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    Good men do understand and leave as he too a married guy not a problem...unless u strictly want to convey him better to shut your feelings inside and lock them for life ...this phase will pass soon
     

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