Cross Culture Marriage Issue

Hi,

I had a love marriage with my spouse. We both work in same organization. He belongs to a bit orthodox family and mine is a modern family. After my marriage, I refused to follow certain orthodox stuff, also refused to give up my job when asked after having kid. My job provides me all the facilities to manage work and kid so no issue for me.

The problem is that I find my husband to be quite immature but cunning. He is a pampered child and thinks very high of himself. His family follows all what he says as they are not much educated whereas my family is educated and can make their own decisions. I also found that my husband's family have a habit of bad mouthing about people in general and do not socialize much. They think they are the best people on this earth though reality is that they have no brains to think. This egoist attitude really freaks me out.

At times he will dis-respect me any my family and say bad words. Due to this attitude, me and my family have started disliking him. Also his mother wants me to become like her, she cant tolerate me as an independent working women. She never tells directly but I could feel from her attitude. Sometimes, my husband will also say things which make me feel like he is feeling ashamed of marrying outside his culture. Maybe because of family pressure he behaves like that since I do not belong to his culture. But at other times he behaves so nicely that I love him for it. I find him not having a stand in life and not having a sorted mind. Also sometimes manipulating stuff.

Now I have started repenting my decision and feel I should have married in my own culture. I see my other sisters and their husbands living nicely and respectfully with their both side parents. I don't want to make my relations bitter with my family. Family is everything, we can't live alone. But slowly slowly I am sensing their disliking towards my husband and also me. They think I am also becoming like my husband though it is not. It is a love marriage so I can't complain much as it was my decision.

In short what I found out after so many years is that my husband and his family is immature. They never thought much or cleared facts before marriage and for the sake of their son's happiness agreed. But after marriage they started stuff like leave job, be in control of husband etc etc which I totally refused. Now they are seeing the reality that I am not like their own culture (which basically is a rural area) lady and they are not liking it. My husband is also realizing this now maybe because people in his family say stuff about me. And I am also realizing that I made wrong decision trusting him if he can't take stand and be responsible and respectful instead of complaining.

I feel that if they had other expectation then they should have clearly told before marriage and after marriage they can't force them on me. They very well knew my background but thought maybe she is a quite, shy girl we will be able to change her. But it turned the other way around so they feel terrible now and so the dis-respect.

What you all say? What should I do? I don't want my relations to be bad with my relatives. Feel like stuck and alone.