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Cousin's husband watching Adult movies

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Nov 30, 2013.

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  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My cousin and her husband, both under thirty, no kids yet, living in the U.S., been married about 3 years. Love marriage.

    She recently told me her husband watches **** on the laptop sometimes, and it bothers her. Some questioning revealed that their sex life is healthy, both are happy with it and jobs and each other, and he watches it about 2-5 times a month. I gathered that he is OK with her joining him in the watching.

    I didn't have any good answer and told her to let it be. My DH's reaction later was: Women read romantic novels even after getting married, what is wrong with men watching ****?

    Your thoughts?

    Can married men watching adult movies be compared to married women reading romantic fiction like Mills & Boon or erotic fiction like Fifty Shades?

    What's M&B for the goose is **** for the gander?
     
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  2. vibha_81

    vibha_81 Gold IL'ite

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    I think women read for emotional gratification while men watch for physical gratification...whether they are both good or even equally bad is debatable(both of them blow up the realistic image of the other gender and raise the expectations from their partner to unrealistic levels especially regarding body image)...but i do know a couple who watched such videos together atleast when they were newlyweds...again its their choice...i don't think its something for your cousin to bother about as it does not sound like an addiction thinkingsmiley(as far as it remains just his fantasy it is ok but if he expects her to obtain a certain body image or behave in a certain way then it may lead to trouble)...if it feels icky then she should tell her DH not to involve her and watch it when she is not around...i will let the old timers share their gyan while i bie1
     
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  3. Khanaksmom

    Khanaksmom Silver IL'ite

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    I think its fine... as long as the wifey is also welcome. Yeah it would be fun for both them to watch together.
    But its difficult to comment though!
     
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  4. vibha_81

    vibha_81 Gold IL'ite

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    As i said in my post whether they are both good or even equally bad is debatable...but since OP's husband and Indian guy debate that both are same whether good or bad, i would not completely agree as
    1) the impact of visuals stay longer than words and hence the damage would also be more
    2)reading involves more imagination hence we use more brain power......

    ...-1 for the guys!!! don't say...."women vs men debate in this thing?!...aargh!!!" just kidding
     
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  5. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    I think that first of all we must distinguish romantic novels, films, poems etc from their erotic cousins :hide:. What appeals to a man/woman's romantic side need not be titilliating. Romantic films can be wholesome entertainment for the entire family, while one can hardly say the same for pornography/erotica.

    Speaking for myself, I am less well-disposed towards pornographic films and that is due to the fact that I always keep wondering how many of those involved were victims of trafficking/grooming by predators and how many actually got involved of their own volition. Perhaps the same cannot be said so easily about erotic fiction.
    Do people watching pornography think of anything apart from self-gratification at the time ? I do not know.
    Just my :my2cents
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    my2angels, thanks for the first response! As for making it apples to apples, good point, but the edit window to blame/the rescue. :)

    vibha, you've raised valid points in both posts that help move the discussion forward. Let's see what other members say.

    IG, I will convey the compliment to my DH,and also shake hands with him for you. Save the U.S. ticket. :)

    Khanaksmom, yes, it is difficult to comment on the cousin situation. That is one reason I made my DH's statement more the focus of thread.

    sweetypi, for the purpose of the discussion, let's assume there is no trafficking/grooming and only adults in the **** films and all acting of their own freewill and being suitably compensated and the films are fully legal.

    I gave it some thought, and agree with my DH.
     
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  7. trueloveseek

    trueloveseek Senior IL'ite

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    Let us go backwards in time leaving this digital age. Even backward in time when there were no films at all like say 300 or 500 years ago. I am imagining/believing men would have still got their VISUALS in different modes[Please use your imagination here. I am afraid to put mine here]:hide:.

    Fast forward to this digital age, now it is just that the VISUALS are more private in their bedrooms and without the bigger risk of getting caught from society[except from DW]:hide:. I learnt from IL itself, that every human being has full rights on their mind,soul and body. So may be DH's are assuming they have not crossed any borderlines[like India / China border] to receive unprovoked firing from the LOC. To all Happily married Ladies please Chillout!
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2013
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Next time we talk, this is what I might ask Cousin:

    If you read a M&B book that has a few pages of high sensuality and sky-rocketing sexual tension between the hero and heroine that quickens your pulse and the said quickened pulse doesn't bother your husband, why does his "quickened in another way but a quickened pulse nonetheless" bother you?

    A quickened pulse by any other name ... ?
    Perhaps, come the New Year, I will be a Cousin short? thinkingsmiley
     
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  9. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

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    I would say, not to bother about giving any advice unless asked, on personal matters.

    If your cousin is not comfortable with the idea of her husband gratifying himself with ****, she should let him know the same in plain terms.
     
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  10. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Rihana, Anything done at a regular frequency becomes an addiction and that becomes a problem -either reading M&B novels or watching **** or watching cricket. my DH is addicted to cricket and he has to watch each and every match that India plays and from the first ball to the last ball without missing any second of the play. He stays awake late nights to just watch the game. With the amount of cricket being played, this is nearly daily.
     
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