Corporal Punishment

Tridev · Jan 31, 2010

I wanted to open this for discussion, parenting is a major conflict in marriages, esp if both parents are not or cannot be on same page, if one parent is laid back, and other uptight, whether its mother or father, differences are going to happen, in that situation a child generally looks for some support from one parent who is a little laid back, that develops differences between couples on parenting...fights, arguments follow.

One parent who hits kids seems its right from the point of view of discipline, other feels its not the best method.

Common I have seen people dragging their kids in anger, hitting them in fit of rage, in short, taking the frustration out on kids. That is a big no no.

now how does a parent control himself or herself who is so used to believe that CP works and how does one draw a line what is abuse or what is punishment? Upto what age a simple punishment could also turn into a abuse?

I found this article on CP its a research , people who are interested can look it up..

If CP is about power, then in a husband wife relation it also means same.. how does one not justify hitting spouses but hitting kids like in CP is ok?

Not sure but there may be cases where such differences in raising kids lead to divorces too. though it seems a small thing, but day to day can become a major hurdle in a relationship.

For me CP is big no no... because I dont believe in violence of any sort....
You can call me weak minded, weak willed, cannot raise kids the way they should be in strict atmosphere..

Here is the link
Corporal Punishment in Children - What Does It Accomplish?

During my college days a professor on his first day said his personal story, he said , one day in his parents house, when he was in college or may be high school , he went to the toilet and smoked a cigarette, his parents came to know , he too came to know that parents got to know he is smoking or has smoked. After he got out , all they did to him was look into his eyes , both of them and then started talking their stuff. They did not tell him anything

From that day till the day he said he was delivering lecture, he has not smoked...

Now what if his parents gave him CP, how would have that changed? or would it have changed?

Parenting is an art, not everyone can excel... its a balance, hard to achieve, one has to thrive and not give in easily...

There is no one way to parenting, but CP a big NO NO..even though the kids can survive it

sowmyar · Feb 1, 2010

Interesting topic Tridev.

Yes, I too have an opinion on CP and although I am not totally against it I admit that CP in moderation sounds like a double edged sword. Now, while parents who spank in anger may well take it out of control I also realise that many of us were spanked as kids and still we are not victimized or abused. The best way to go about it is to talk about it than resorting to hitting, and restricting spanking to a swat or two at most, always doing it in a calm manner than in anger.

To me spanking is not about taking your frustration on your kid. I am guilty of occassionally swatting my toddler in the butt, but I am always remorseful. A year down I would like to see us talking eye to eye and discussing without ever resorting to a swift pat. CP as a teaching tool may seem ok but as a punishment no. And yes, I do hope to master the art of persuation minus the spank - the spoken word and an emotional bond can go a longer way than a raised hand ever can.

ShilpaMa · Feb 1, 2010

Tridev... I feel a lot guilty after reading this post.
This is major bone of contention between me and DH. He's much more calm in handling them & i need to learn more from him.

I can tolerate lot more things than their throwing up food due to forced efforts.. and end up spanking them, its very difficult to keep cool after all those efforts of the day/ cooking & feeding them for nth hr each and either at the end or midway they throwing up & then clean the mess on floor/furniture/ wall/ clothes everyday... I guess its too much to handle for me and is spontaneous... but yes there has to be a stop.
Also the kids have started judging me by my tone & facial expression that I really dont need to raise a hand & I really wish for the day when I can completely get over this habit before they reach a stage when they can retain memories.
We've also had a discussion in toddler section over it and ladies trying to encourage each other on how to regin in the anger.

The worst outcome of CP is child imitating the same to either the sibling or the friend.. cos finally he/she will deliver what they recieve.
Also we think & afford to hit a child cos we know they cant hit back.. we dont do it with adults cos we know that the person is capable to giving 2 more.

asuitablegirl · Feb 1, 2010

Let me first say that I HATE when kids run around screaming in a restaurant, throw food, hit their parents, and otherwise act like spoiled brats. And I definitely believe in setting boundaries and discipline.

But, I don't think it needs to be done with CP. I think you can send just as strong a message by other actions than resorting to CP. Me and dh know a couple whose kid is the best behaved we have ever met, and from what we know, they don't use CP.

For example... kids like to be with their parents and siblings. If my kid couldn't behave in a restaurant, I would take him out to the car and wait till he stopped the tantrum. And I would tell him that if he can't behave, the next time 'mom and dad' go out for dinner, he would be staying home with a sitter. Then, I'd do it and let him experience the feeling of being left out because nobody wants to go out with a screaming kid

Also, I think a lot of bad behavior starts when parents give in to it occasionally. For example, kids should learn that not every trip to Walmart will result in a new toy. When you bring kids to the grocery store and they start having a meltdown over candy/toy, NEVER give in. If you do, they'll learn bad behavior = reward.

Also, I think as parents, instead of always being the punisher, you've got to be the rewarder too. Like if your kids are sitting quiet in their room playing together nicely, pop your head in and tell them how good they are being and how you appreciate it.

I can understand why some parents use CP. But I don't think I will because it just seems a hard lesson to teach... I can hit you, but you can't hit anyone else.

Anyways, it'll be interesting to read others viewpoints...