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Coping With Loss

Discussion in 'Health & Wellness' started by jskls, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. jskls

    jskls Finest Post Winner

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    Recently I had been going through some personal loss in life. I had been to two out of 4 funerals that were held in a period of less than 6 months now. I am feeling too low at this point and don’t know how to help myself come out. Though they are not directly related, I had been involved in their lives some way or the other. I am trying my best to offer help but in no mood to celebrate any upcoming festivals or to do anything other than what is minimally required for a smooth day to day life. Can’t talk it out with friends too! I have few people to reach out to but somehow I don't feel like knocking anybody's door. I am trying everything I had tried earlier but this time I am unable to accept life's cruelty.

    I may not be able to respond individually or immediately, but any pointers will be appreciated. Thanks in advance
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
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  2. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I am sorry for your losses Lakshmi. I have not been in your shoes but I understand how it feels to be paralyzed by grief in a slightly different context. The thing with grief is that you can't side-step it. You have to live through it, and processing it takes the time it takes. You don't have to feel better because a set amount of time has passed. There are no prescriptions for how soon you should 'return to normal' if such a thing is even possible. If you are feeling low it's because you aren't done grieving. Acknowledge your feelings and stop telling yourself that you need to feel differently. Give yourself the permission to grieve without guilt for as long as it takes. You don't have to make yourself 'come out of it' because it is inconvenient for others. If you don't want to celebrate festivals then don't. If the occasion does not bring you joy there is no point in making yourself go through the motions.

    Grief manifests physically like a sickness. It saps your energy and weakens your immunity. It is not a problem to be fixed. It should be allowed to take its course while you take care of yourself. You can treat the symptoms but you can't make it go away until your body is done processing it. So treat yourself kindly. Slow down, get lots of rest, and let others care for you. In terms of things you could do to feel better in the short term, spend time with people you can talk to, who love you, who are understanding and compassionate. Try not to be alone too much. It only leads to unhelpful rumination. Don't try to think your way out of the pain. Don't try to rationalize. Feel it, acknowledge it and let it pass. Meditation and spending time in nature have always helped me. Prayers and chanting also help. You might benefit from writing about what you are feeling. Putting words to your thoughts can help you see them more objectively. I know you already do a lot of volunteer and non-profit work, if possible engage yourself in an activity that directly improves someone else's life. Making others feel better is the best way to make yourself feel better.

    Take care Lakshmi. I won't say feel better soon. Take as much time as you need to feel better and don't feel sorry about it. If you need a sounding board, you know we are always here to listen.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
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  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Grieving - it varies from person to person. Some likes to cry, some can’t, some talks continuously, some can’t or won’t. Each person deals with it differently. So go ahead n grieve the way you want.

    Don’t stop yourself, if you want to cry or talk, do it. Don’t fear over others judging. Grieving is a part of life. We all have to go through it now n then.

    If you don’t want to celebrate, don’t. But if you have a family who wants to, you can help them or just let them do it. Not necessary to push our grief onto others.

    It takes time, I have realized that with such unexpected losses. If it becomes too much, I take some time alone, cry my heart out, think about them or about the loss to friend/ family (if not directly related to me). The impact of the loss, what will happen to that family, n so on n on. Searching the mind about whom to blame. Try to find some hope somewhere or a way to help, maybe financially or moral support or something. It’s tough, but eventually we all have a life to focus on. There are some losses that are still at the back of my head after years, but as time goes, it becomes bearable or maybe we learn to bear it. Time is the best healer.

    But also understand, that you have the gift of life. So it’s your basic right to live it.
     
  4. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    @jskls I'm sorry you are going through this. Hope things get better for you. My thoughts and prayers for you
     
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  5. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Lakshmi,
    Grief takes different journey to process for everyone, also depends on our closeness to person we lose. But it is something we all have to go through :(
    Life is unpredictable (never know which crisis lurks around which corner), and temporary.
     
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  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    Lakshmi - I’m sorry for your losses. There is no way to quantify grief and to put and end date to it. It’s different for everyone and each for loss.
    I would say take it one day at a time. It’s ok to take as long as you need.
    I had read about the cyclical nature of grief and how it hits you again when you think you are over it. I believe the author said that was expected and a normal part of grieving.



    It’s also ok to not want to talk about it or open up about your situation. That said, if it is too overwhelming to deal with all of it alone, it’s always an option to talk to someone who has been through a similar pain. It may help you and the other person too. Especially if it’s a shared grief. Don’t push yourself to do it id you are not ready but do think about it.

    I’m glad you reached out and I hope you will gain some solace from the responses. Hugs.
     
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  7. stayblessed

    stayblessed Gold IL'ite

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    am sorry for your losses Lakshmi. As everyone said grieving takes different time for different people and also depends on the closeness of relationship or friendship. Take care
     
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  8. jskls

    jskls Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks Gauri for your soothing reply. will surely benefit

    yes I am doing this!

    and this

    We as a group will be involved in one of the families lives for atleast sometime now. Doing whatever we can help even if it means little is what we are trying. I am more worried for them though they are bracing this bravely. In this toughest time we formed a group of well wishers who are ready to help whoever is in need.
    Thank you
     
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  9. jskls

    jskls Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks @ashneys for a warm reply. my response in quoted text above
     
  10. jskls

    jskls Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks @mangaii
     

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