consequence with own sister

Dear friends,
we are two daughters for our parents and no brothers for us. my sister married to my uncle(mothers brother), she has done upto +2 during marriage and now she is pursuing BLit, about my uncle he is also graduate..he is doing some office management job for less than 10k but he owns lot of lands. at their initial stage of marriage they were struggling economically so my dad supported a lot and allowed them to take care of my dads land also which is very wealthy. they were all dear to me..i completed graduation n got placed in mnc..i also gave lot of money to my sister. i really dono she started behaving weird..always insulting me and complaining to my dad that i am not respecting them etc..i would got good choice of alliance but because of her influence ( she was doing all matching things since dad n mom were staying in different place) i got a family..it has ups n downs as usual(that's different story)but my husband is gift for me from god. my sister played lot of games between my parents n in-laws..as my mom always listen to her she was following her advices.. i was the mere sufferer where both families didn't come to help me when i delivered baby so i quit my high salaried job.

i was so dumb and i was also listening her because she talks as such concerned and leads our family..she ll do all arrangements everything..that i shared some personal issues about my family and about in-laws etc...

always she used to talk as such needle in banana.. i really doesn't have that much brain to reply her as well we all including my parents rely on her..i cannot abruptly ignore her relationship..

now...my mothers sisters are there and they have daughters .. since my mothers brother is only guy and have lot of lands..he shared one ground to all the ladies and remaining he took(that's unwritten rule in our place..jewels ..money,,etc for girls..boys will take lands), in olden days they didn't put much jewels so now they gave one ground to each of the sisters..my mom also got and constructed a house and they don't like my mom giving me..so i said let them take i don't want because however its their land ..i don't want.. later my dad retired and wanted to settle in his land which they were ruling these many days..they are not OK with that also..because they thought my dad gifted them,

and during my pregnancy so much tortures because of her..some how i overcome and my son is 4.5 .

current problem is ...my mothers sisters (aunt) daughter is getting married ..other sisters also have daughters of that age..my sister and they all stay near by..only am staying out..now my sister talks all the issues i said to her earlier to others and as well to me daily in call..for example...that girls MIL is very nice..she told that she ll take care of kids ..they respect each other so much.etc...its like purposefully irritating..and she is comparing my husband and that boy it seems..those girls told me..in frustration i called my sister and asked why do u compare like this,shall i too compare with your husband?...that's it.. she yelled and shouted..gave it to my uncle..and mothers sister too..she made it big issue and she was scaring those girls who told me and yelled..if u tell to her what she can do me etc...and all...

i feel like she is making me down by commenting and want to prove herself a super hero...my parents always listen to her only ..they don't wanna involve in this case they cant support anyone of the daughters as they will also get nicely.

even i have given suggestions here..but i don't like to be mute this time ..i can not control my irritation or anger or dontknow..she doesn't leave my little one too..she will buy toys ..nicely talk to him..but suddenly she will insult as such whether ur mom will feed u or not ..u r eating like devil as such u never seen ice-cream..why dont you buy him..that much money saving why u do...etc.

all the time i was quiet because they arranged my wedding and played important roles and helps .. i doubt whether i have any problem..even for my parents she ll do helps when required but later she will give more torture..what is this i don't understand.. my parents also became very selfish after coming to native place ..because of her impact i think.

help me...

 

Well said. but sometimes i can not hide my feelings when she insults me in front of others directly and scaring others by telling that i am not equal to her slippers when am not there ...words are very bad..thoughts are very cheap..i really don't know whether its my own sister.. now i plan to go to native for summer holidays for my son who loves native a lot..i cant keep him whole two months between walls.there definitely i should meet her because its moms home for her too na..she will visit often..last time she made tie between my parents and me ..i dont want to go to her house where my parents may force me..second my uncle..he wont think on his own..he will speak his wifes words..they all going to make me down.

 

Well said. but sometimes i can not hide my feelings when she insults me in front of others directly and scaring others by telling that i am not equal to her slippers when am not there ...words are very bad..thoughts are very cheap..i really don't know whether its my own sister.. now i plan to go to native for summer holidays for my son who loves native a lot..i cant keep him whole two months between walls.there definitely i should meet her because its moms home for her too na..she will visit often..last time she made tie between my parents and me ..i dont want to go to her house where my parents may force me..second my uncle..he wont think on his own..he will speak his wifes words..they all going to make me down. am tensed. also they will use my little son for their tactics which will hurt me more.

 

hi,
find my reply inline

Everyone listens to your sister and not you... why?
because i have lost so many things in life listening her, and thereafter no necessity to hear the words which were shoot out purposefully but i dontknow to reply properly or to hide my reactions when she hurt.

Everyone seems to be okay with the system/custom of sharing land with your uncle/sister's husband but not you... why?
Because all the sisters of my uncle have boy kids so they can give their land to their boys, but in my home me and my sister..my mother thought since my sister have lot of land in that particular place she tried to give me that part and other own earned part to sister ..but they are not OK ..they need both part it seems. anyways i too mentioned that i dont prefer the part which my uncle gave my mom as share. to be more clear now thats my moms place..hope u got it.

You seem to be happy and convinced about your husband, but complain that your sister had chosen a wrong family for you... why?
I didn't mention entirely wrong..i said i would have got better family who may be supportive. is there any rule that husband will not be good when the other family members are not good?

You trust in some girls, who are your cousins and yell at your sister instead of getting her side clarified... Why?
I called her to clarify but what she did was she made as big issue and told to engaged girl and parents and those parents were calling me and speaking ..by then i got so much anger ..why make big issue for this simple one..she can answer me either with yes or no right?
Yes nowadays i can not trust her because i know she is very badly behaving.

You seem to have your parents and in laws alive. You seem to have so many relatives too. But no one turned out to help you with your pregnancy, but I don't understand why did they helped your sister?
Yes u r right.. since my sister married my moms brother my mom didnt help her in pregnancy..my grandma was taking entire care..but in my case i have only inlaws n parents ..inlaws expected that my parents should help post delivery for 3 to 4 months
and later they thought to come for help..but my sister envied that my parents didnt help her in pregnancy so they should not help me also..did many things to struggle me ..she was also staying in my parents house when i delivered baby and whenever my inlaws come to see baby she played lot. i cant type all here..my mom told to leave within 2 months of delivery.
I interpret the whole scene as a sibling revelry issue. Perhaps your parents favor their elder DD for some reasons. Perhaps your sister is dear to your mom and her sisters because she is married to their brother.
Yes,may be..but i long for my mom to be supportive to me at-least once in life
Perhaps your sister is having an easy life as she is married to a very close relative. I can't begin to imagine such a wonderful set up.. that is your own grandma as your MIL, own mom as SIL, and dear aunts as other SILs. She must be living in heaven - except the fact that she has high chances of delivering unhealthy kids due to this marriage.
Perhaps, your troubled in laws, and their refusal to stand by you at the time of your need made you feel jealous on your sister.
May be..but i don't know whether its jealous..i really longed for relations , as far as i know i never hurt her but she is doing that. if some one is jealous what they will do? kindly let me know?
Gossiping and comparison is very common among cousins. That is what your sister seem to have done. Ok i understand

During weddings, we compare our husbands and others husbands as lose talks or seriously.
Me and my sister used to tease our SIL that we never wanted a husband like hers. We even go on to say this to other common relatives to irritate her so much. But these are lose talks. After all, we are commenting about our own bro. Perhaps, your sister wanted to tell you that your cousins' in laws are good unlike yours. What is wrong there? unless you in the receiving end is extremely insecure and jealous about others.
I am not sure about this actually but i am getting angry when she speak the old issues which i told earlier at initial stage of my wedding with molded words.

Just leave it all... if your sister is blessed in something, you are blessed in something else... Count your blessings, and move on

Thank you. |I will move on. after all am human na..that's y when my own blood do like this i cant control. faced more with others but i never mind.thanks for writing me .