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Confused. Should I Live With In-laws Or Not?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reshma13, Aug 14, 2017.

  1. Reshma13

    Reshma13 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    I am new to the journey of marriage. Ours is love marriage and my FIL had put a condition that we should stay separate after marriage. But me and DH felt It ll be bad on our part to leave them immediately after marriage and decided to stay with them. It has been a roller coaster ride so far. 1st few month everything seemed going very smooth. I adjusted to my in-laws well. We went on family tour, temples etc and everyone were at peace.
    Then came the turning point, like in Ekta kapoor serials, i met with minor accident. Got stitches on my leg, ankle sprain and burn. This was the time I saw another face of my new family. On my accident night my MIL did huge drama saying she had an heart attack coz of shock, but was not willing to go to doctor. Just rolling on the floor saying all stupid stuff like”take care of dad” etc etc to my SIL. Next day she was fit and fine. My condition was so worse that my DH had to carry me around. In that condition my FIL said that his wife can't take care of me and asked me to leave to my mom's house. Next day my DH took me to my mom's place and took good care of me for few days before he returned to his house. My in-laws had problem with that too. My MIL started a big fight with him for staying in My mom's house and visiting me often. She stopped talking to my DH, so much that she stopped asking her own son for breakfast or dinner. My DH would stay like in PG in his own house.
    After recovering for almost 2 months I decided to return to my in-laws house. On the day when my parents came to drop me to their house both my in-laws escaped to my SIL’s house. My SIL’s house is just 6 kms away. They could have returned if they wanted to. They returned after 2 days. After returning my FIL is not looking at my face. Even if i talk to him she turns his head aside and walks away. If i am in living room he is in his bedroom. My MIL is kind of ok but I feel she is treating me like a cook or maid. I have to help her in the kitchen with no talks. She only opens her mouth to scold me or my DH. She is blaming me for everything and saying my FIL’s sugar and BP have gone high coz of me.
    I am always in my room. I just go out to make coffee or help my MIL. I am in a confused state now. Should i stay with my in-laws or go separate.On one hand my values which my grandparents thought me and on the other hand my freedom and peace. My grandma doesn't want me to leave my in-laws.
    Please give me honest opinions ladies. I am in a state where I am unable to make any decisions.
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP,
    Your PILs told you live seperate..( is it because of live marriage) but you didn't listen. Now you realised the problems.
    I think it is better to live in a separate house away from PLS. Now it is time to enjoy your married life and build the bond. Your own house gives you more privacy and freedom. You can visit PILs anytime. They can too.. Try to maintain a good relation with them. Ignore these tantrums... time heals ...a distance also help relationship, especially with Ils

    Hope your dh is working and don't have financial issues.. if so you have to rethink it again. Are you working. Don't worry about grandma.. she will be happy when she finds you are leading a happy life in your own place.. good luck
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
    nakshatra1, Satlak, NeetaR and 2 others like this.
  3. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    If your husband has a transferable job try to get a transfer to somewhere else, so you guys can move out as part of it. Visit in laws once in a month or whenever you get vacation. Try to maintain a healthy relationship . When they are old and need your support you can go and help them.( They will be happy and your grandma will be happy and you can be at peace :)!!
     
  4. Reshma13

    Reshma13 Bronze IL'ite

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    I think so. But they have never mentioned it too me after marriage. They had told my DH about it before marriage.
    Yup.. no financial issues. I am working too currently on leave.
    Thank you so much for the guidance. I hope my DH agrees to this. I just want everyone to be at peace.
     
  5. Reshma13

    Reshma13 Bronze IL'ite

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    He is not in transferable job. We ll have to think of job change. That may be an option. We ll have to work on it.
     
  6. Reshma13

    Reshma13 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you so much @salad and @DDream. This kind of guidance is what I needed at this point of time. Really happy that you have taken time out to read and respond
     
  7. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    It's really weird the way they behaved. Esp during the time you needed to be cared the most. It is a hubby's duty to take care of you. Just like you would as a wife. They can walk away from taking care of you, but they can't stop your husband from doing so.

    They asked you to go separate in the beginning itself, should have listened. But anyway that doesn't guarantee 'no drama' either but atleast would have saved you from facing it day in n day out.

    Few options...

    -Transfering to another city is a better option among all.
    -Move out.
    -Stay n find a way to fix it.

    Whatever works for all esp you two.
     
    nakshatra1, Sandycandy and sindmani like this.
  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    When the in laws want you to live separately , you obey them . You hop ,skip and jump ( even with a heavy heart) and move away from them. Now for the sake of your MIL's cardiac issues and FIL's sugar and BP , be a sweet-heart and move out. It will be difficult to enjoy your newly married life without them, but try . Distance will make MIL's heart grow stronger if not fonder. You can dress up like a ideal bahu and visit them every Holi and Diwali .
     
  9. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Good one @Sandycandy :clap2:
     
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  10. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    It looks like my story somewhat little changes. 6 months i was in a different plane or world of imagination that I Got "hum aapke hein kaun" family, was very happy. I too adjusted and bonded well though it
    Required more patience I made thing work out .In my mind I wanted a big united family.Later very small accident(hand fracture) n some minor changes in life changed the scenario. Now I would suggest u is since they are asking u to move out please do that. Meet them often or when ever u have time and have a great time.
     

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