I'm newly married and currently living in Delhi, but soon shifting to Pune to live with inlaws.I have 3 SILs. DH Responsibilities:- DH and PILs did many sacrifice to get sisters married into rich families. PILs sold their only house(inherited) and once DH started earning, he used to hand over entire salary to FIL, to pay off SILs' marg/dowry loans. Also,, DH took care 100% of all SIL's pregnancy costs, baby showers, child birth function, kids' saree function, kids' menstrual functions so on and so forth. DH managed most of these through loans and lived entire life on loans. MIL fond of showoffs, and asks DH to take loans so she can grandly celebrate her-FIL anniversary etc and buy costly sarees/gold for herself and SILs. If he denies , she scolds that had he done arranged marriage, dowry would have taken care of everything, so it's his fault. FIL earns enough pension, but ever since DH started working(close to a decade now), DH has taken care 100% of expenses of PILs(including from rent to food to medical to a safety pin). FIL own pension- he has been saving 100% of it , and now bought a small house for one SIL.because SILs keep complaining they did not receive much dowry when they married long back but now brother earning well with working wife so it's time to make up for that. SILs also habit to unilaterally plan family vacations, and ask brother to take care of all expenses. But, if we both go for movies or small trips as a newly married couple, PILs and SILs scold how we are spoilt and wasting money,also keep blaming him that he did not do much for them, and now FIL bluntly denies that DH used to hand over his salary to him for paying off loans. PILs keeps telling its my duty to pay off husband loans .Ofcourse, I love my husband and I never think my money-his money and helped his loans to some extent. My parents too did a lot for me, dad taken loan for my edu,marriage, etc and I paid to little extent before marg. But DH and his family feel after marg, a woman's salary belongs to her new family, and DH tells I'm being selfish as my dad has capacity to pay my loans, so helping DH should be my priority. PILs themselves never helped DH, always maintain that parents have no responsibility towards sons so they never contributed anything even for their own expenses since DH started working, but always complaining to DH(not me directly) about not getting dowry from my parents and blaming him for love marriage. I'm willing to pay off all DH loans, but I have 2 conditions:- * DH will be responsible towards money and our future, and pay for PILs necessities and a decent life like us, but not give in to luxurious demands like gold,sarees,uneccesary functions, especially for SILs,and other unaccounted money transfer on demand, as well as funding entire family vacations planned by SILs without our consent. But it seems DH is too emotional for them and will never change. *That if I'm paying his loans, I should be allowed to help my dad with my loans as well.DH has not forbid me, but there are lots or arguments and resentment as my dad is "better off" as they say.And "DH lost trust in me I don't care for his debts and responsibilities "/ *I would like separation of finances(pay only my share and rest both will spend no questions asked, then I can atleast plan savings and for kids.). But this is seen as selfish by DH. I only want hi to be responsible. We can't depend on PILs for emergencies (Their bank accounts and income is managed by SIL) and also they clearly tell parents with sons have no responsibilities. I need a solution how to deal with all this now we will live with PILs, how to manage the finances. So, me and DH will equally share the expenses for all 4 people(rent, food, medical, utilities everything)so I'm paying his parent's share too(inspite FIL earning pension), and yet I have to give explanation on salary, apart from other restrictions, and create problems if I send any money to my parents.