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Conditional Marriages- A Repost

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Agatha83, Jan 7, 2020.

  1. Agatha83

    Agatha83 IL Hall of Fame

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    Recently while enjoying a humorous talk show on the TV, I was taken back when an eminent person belonging to the film fraternity whose talk till then was sprinkled with humor suddenly took a serious turn.The cause was some one from the audience asking his opinion about young girls of marriageable age, putting unreasonable conditions before marriage.I could feel the speaker's BP rising when he shouted at all those invisible young women,putting silly conditions at potential grooms, due to which many eligible young men were made to wait the long quueue for the D day. "When are you girls going to get married,in your 60s or 80's",he roared and thumped his fists in anger. Seriously it was a serious issue,no laughing matter.


    The star of the talk show pulled down those potential women brides for taking such disastrous decisions (which I felt was taken in their own interests) while they were in the process of choosing a partner . He said it was those conditions which broke up alliances right at its nascent stage.He asked all the young men eager to tie the knot,to wake up from their lethargy and to put an end to such nonsense even to the extent of cancelling official engagements or marriages.For the viewers this show was all the more dramatic with a good deal of cheers and some emotional tears thrown in between.tsk!tsk!


    I remember my 70 year old grand mother carrying my horoscope, walking to the potential grooms house in the hot burning sun, in her worn out Hawaii chap pals,hopping and changing three buses to reach their destination only to be told bluntly that the alliance was already fixed. Not even the basic courtesy of offering a cup of water or a few kind words. Many times I stood speechless at her pitiable plight but mad as she was in her search for a groom for me, she ignored such indignant treatments and moved on to her next target. Why nobody shouted during those times when even basic courtesy norms was thrown to winds, when parents of eligible girls were made to run from pillar to post,just to finalize an alliance.


    Years have rolled on and there are no more girl looking boy rituals, like presenting the girl in traditional attire along with sweet,Kara,and coffee,asking her to do catwalks, prostrate before everyone including the boy, make her sing songs - in fact nothing a self respecting girl would have agreed to do. In fact she was treated more like a circus artist rather than a lifetime partner. All the tamasha at the cost of girls side including the train fares if the boy and his family resided in other part of India and all this in return with a simple postcard announcing the regret in finalizing the alliance. Dark complexion,lack of good looks, poise,charm,family background,poor financial status,these were simple excuses to turn away a girl. Her good education,her scholarly attitude, her impeccable character,- valuable things which enrich life in the long run were just brushed aside. If the alliance turned positive, there were fish market bargains like dowry,a pair of diamond studs, diamond ring for the groom, 50 or 100 sovereigns of gold,swanky car,apartment, bank deposits? Even a daytime robber would have looked more decent!


    There are a number of young married woman professionals-doctors,engineers and their likes who are forced to chuck their jobs at the insistence of their husbands when it comes to taking care of their kids.There are many women who have to fight for their rights for helping out their siblings in their studies financially or help their ailing parents by taking over their medical expenses, issues which have caused serious rift in marital relationships.


    So what if a girl puts conditions that she will continue to work even after marriage or will help her parents financially? There may be a handful of men species who respect their wife’s altruism and support her wholeheartedly, but many of them are ready to chop her wings in her pursuit of freedom to do what she wants.Just one look at our great film actors will show how deep their bias is against women getting back in to their profession post marriage .


    The present generation of girls are well educated and have a mind of their own.Their independent financial status with an excellent job gives the extraordinary courage and confidence which the girls of the previous generation lacked. Now the tables are turned and it is the girl who is seen giving orders and conditions.So what is the big deal? Why so much of hue and cry.


    The day when every woman is recognized for her education,talent, courage, confidence and self respect by her husband,in laws,and the society,that is the day when any marriage can survive. Marriage is an unwritten contract between two individuals where the individual private space should be respected and adhered. It is not the quantity of years spent together between the husband and wife but it is the quality of relationship -where a woman is respected and treated with concern, shown genuine warmth,compassion, where she has the right to choose her friends,pursue her hobbies and where she is not used as a door mat or a sleeping partner.Amen!!!




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    Agatha83, Nov 28, 2015Report
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You have summarized the whole issue in this one line. Our society is geared to look out for the interests and protest against any injustice - perceived or real - to men. Women can go to hell. Why then, even today we have people mourning the effect of education and financial independence of women on men's interests.
     
  3. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

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  4. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

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    Well said.I got my five sisters married and if youwish you can have a look at the snippets by mithilakannan[my late wife]
    The new condition put forward by girls today is called the one to five formula one child,we two,three BHK,four wheeler and five figure salary.Many couples agree not to have children.I cannot sit on judgement whether it is right or wrong.SLN
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    So glad to see girls putting up more conditions for getting married.
    It is their life and they are the ones that have to live the life.

    Don't make marriage your main aim in life. Don't settle for things that make you unhappy or disrespected. You were not born to obey and serve. You are the most important person in your life and you treasure yourself .
     
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    [QUOTE="Agatha83, post: 4170826, member: 447301"]Marriage is an unwritten contract between two individuals where the individual private space should be respected and adhered. It is not the quantity of years spent together between the husband and wife but it is the quality of relationship -where a woman is respected and treated with concern, shown genuine warmth,compassion, where she has the right to choose her friends,pursue her hobbies and where she is not used as a door mat or a sleeping partner.Amen[/QUOTE]
    This should be the definition of marriage instead of the ' marriage of two families' which is all about the girl loosing as much of herself after marriage to accomodate people who should be secondary .
     
  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    eh ? :(:confundio1: What does this "D" stand for ?
    D-day happens when eligible boy meets unconditional girl ?
    Deal ? Decision ? Deed (as in do that deed)?

    The shouting idiot of the TV audience should'a been helped out by the studio security. After all, in all voluntary transactions parties should be free to set conditions for closure. If the conditions are deemed unsatisfactory, people are free to walk to where they find a suitable deal.
     
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  8. Agatha83

    Agatha83 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @satchitananda,

    You have hit the nail on the head. On one hand, the society encourages women to be educated and financially independent, but when it comes about protecting the interests of men, independent women become an excellent target to vent their hate and anger.

    Agatha83
     
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  9. Agatha83

    Agatha83 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @sln,

    You are a few among the handful of men, who revere their wives so much so, that their absolute love for their wife reflects in all their actions, through out their life.

    I have seen men in their eighties who still want to have absolute control over their wives. The other day a couple in their eighties while alighting from a car near a temple, the lady had trouble in getting down and the husband instead of helping her started shouting, as to why she longed for an outing, unmindful of her health, right in the middle of the road.

    Women who are well educated, have their financial freedom, need not look for a husband who can bring her riches. Nowadays women make their financial decisions with professional help. It is those BPL women who have to undergo untold miseries under the garb of marriage. Neither the parents, society or Government is ready to help them, resulting in scores of suicides, family murders etc.
    Thank you for your valuable feedback.

    Agatha83
     
  10. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    If the boy and girl know to respect the sentiments of each other,all other problems can be settled easily.Every boy and girl who have the intention of settling down in married life should have this conviction.Otherwise better remain single.
    In earlier days it was an unwritten law that the girl should be ever submissive.
    Change in society is an unchangeable part of life .There is absolutely nothing wrong in putting forth the girl's ideas and opinions, if they can be termed conditions.The first condition that should be in the mind of both is to have a long standing harmonious life notwithstanding minor differences .
    But we have to agree that certain conditions stated to be imposed by girls are more condemnable than the so called strict terms that were imposed by boys' parents of those days.Any condition which is reasonable and logical and applies to common sense is always welcome.
    jayasala42
     

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