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Completely stop talking to in-laws? Implications?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nskssp, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. sirisyam

    sirisyam Silver IL'ite

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    my mil passed away when my DH was at his graduation level, and my fil passed away exactly 1 year back. my FIL used to stay with me and he was v good to me. obsolutely good.

    even my fil warned me to be safe from my elder co-sis and her greediness.

    because my mil passed away my elder bil and cosis were the head in marraige (DH side).
    now its my elder bil and cosis who are of my parents age tortured to hell, even when i was pregant second time they wanted me to get oborted. i didnt. i had faced hell. bcoz of this trauma my health got badly effected.

    now its 5 yrs i have been married, i dont even want to see their faces.

    my husband never ever supported.

    A cunning and greedy co-sis given chance to become mil was a monster/ evil on earth to me.

    even my parents got extreme humiliations.

    but she acts very innocent and plain hearted infront of my DH with her sweetest voice and innocent expressions and words.

    COMPLETELY STOP TALKING TO IN-LAWS IMPLICATIONS?//
    i dont have any facility to talk to my parents in india.
    i talk to my parents only when they call me.

    THIS PUNISHMENT IS VERY LESS COMPARED TO TALKING TO THEM.
     
  2. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you heard of Detachment? Detachment is a stage where nothing affects you. Neither joy nor sorrow. Because such things happen only when you have emotions. Stopping the talk is only a symptom of Detachment. Cut off the emotions that tie you to your in laws. Take those emotions an dburn them away. Whatever they say, or don't say will not matter to you. I have done that.. and Boy!! is there peace...

    for me - my inlaws don't exist on the face of this earth. Nothing they say or do matters to me. Almost like a robot, if i can - I do, f not - nothing. My actions have no life, just mechanical.My husband has seen that change in me.. and he has stopped pushing me.

    I don't know how or when that change happened... But suddenly I saw the ranging bottled up anger turn into this coldness that I have never known.

    I don't know if this would help you. Goodluck
     
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  3. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Monita,

    I am acting , regardless of my SIL's kids ignoring me,

    I wish them on FB for Bdays ,

    I attended on niece Graduation cermony,

    I make sure to " like" whatever silly posts the other nephew ( in India) post on FB
    ( about India rocking) since he is in high school ,

    I take the phone if any SIL asks for me ( they do ask , they don't want to cut off with me )
    But , they complain on me , for not dancing to their tunes , ( I can dance, not beyond my means)

    They need me for their kids wedding time , I am supposed to present moolah on behalf of my H & MIL ,
    during their weddings .

    When , they visited us , while I was in India, I cooked Chinese for them , they say , they like only Indian.
    My H thinks , I am good at making Chinese , So , I cook Chinese ,
    H , thinks , I tried to impress his sisters, if , the don't eat , they are living in Before Christ era.


    my SILs try to paint a bad picture of me among all relatives and their kids ,

    if , I give up ( stop talking) , as my daughter says, I am the looser.

    If , I continue acting, I win ...............
     
  4. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Soulful,

    You are in a stage of Nirvana.........which is good for family relations........
     
  5. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    Yes , ShilpaMa,

    You are right , " Partial ties pain more" , which is why , we IL ladies are here on this site sharing our pain,
    since mu H is only son and brother to them , I don't wish to become a bad woman in
    relatives circles.

    I believe in Karma, that will haunt me.

    If we do good Karma , we will get back good Karma.

    Their bad karma is already haunting them, I see it's happening right in this birth.
    One SIL ( her H attempted suiside ) is widowed , one SIl's H is good for nothing , she is running the house.
    MIL has lost vision ,is bedridden with Parkinsons.

    Looking at the plight of them , I am so scared to even " Cut my communication " with them .

    It's not just only the so called bad Karma , which would haunt me ,

    I also want to maintain the " peace and harmony" in my marriage by keeping in touch \ acting \ visiting them.
     
  6. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    I see anikha. Yes, married to an only son, we have to do all these 'duties'. You are doing what all you are required to do. What more do they expect?
    But let me tell you one thing, even though people suffer, no one ever thinks it is because of their bad karmas. They will continue to transfer the blame and pain on to you and your DH and would expect you to forget everything. I wouldn't say forgive everything because they don't think they ever did anything wrong in the first place.
     
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  7. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    anyother post but why about "india rocking" u find silly? faking on FB really necessary to keep up the family harmony? i mean its afterall FB
     
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  8. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree. It doesn't really work. My SIL's do this all the time. They would post nice comments on my photos. When you can't say a single nice thing when you meet me, tell me I have no idea how I should dress, have no taste, then why nice comments on FB? Probably it's for others to see that how friendly they are with me.
    I think faking only works for people who have no responsibility towards the other person or who have the possibility to steer clear of their responsibility.
     
  9. CryingHeart

    CryingHeart New IL'ite

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    absolutely same case as mine... the problem is we are still living in the same house and will be moving out the next month... so there are to be a melodrama when we will be living... hating that moment... else feeling happy that my torture days are going to get over!!
     
  10. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    EXACTLY!! I've stopped talking to my inlaws completely now. It's as though they never existed. The process itself was so hard for me...I thought of them like my parents and I built a lot of affection for them....it took time to see their behavior in correct light...after that I suffered a mental breakdown...my mil threw me out of the family...it was just that easy for her to break the relationship...it took me 3 yrs....even know I sometimes think of the good times...sometimes feel bad when I see friends with inlaws visiting them....I am getting used to being mentally at peace now...
    Yes my mil is full time busy defaming etc....but I don't care anymore...ppl who know her will understand....ppl who know me will laugh at her...
     

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