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Comments From Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Desiindian, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    I like this advice. The DIL may also giggle when the MIL comments like that. It is not such a secret in the world of newly weds that boys who help-out a lot with <the traditionally women's> chores, must be getting a happier deal in the bedroom, compared to boys who do not help out. Those other girls who do all the chores are simply not so good where it counts for the boys. Desiindian should give this some thought each time MIL makes a comment, and a giggle will surely come out of it. No need to explain the giggle to MIL. That could be sweet revenge.
     
  2. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    A few years back when MIL was here at our place, she said almost this. Paavam my son, who has to do chores at home after a very hectic office work and then indirectly praising her niece (H's cousin sister) as to how she was allowing her H to take complete rest once he reached home. This happened in front of my H.
    During initial times, we ignored. But I sensed some changes in H with regard to his mom's comments. So that he pretended as if he is too tired to help me with the chores.
    It alerted me. So, the next time, I was all prepared to respond.

    Since MIL is our neighbor, she was frequently commenting like this before.

    The next time, I nodded my head in acceptance, and said... Yes, Paavam these working people, who are required to do household chores after hectic working hours. Indeed, paavam, I understand.
    Then I asked my H to order meals from a near by food provider, who was famous in our locality for home made fresh local foods.
    I said to him... "Look, we are paavam, how come we cope with both the responsibilities. Let's not to cook anything during work days. If MIL wishes, let her cook only for the kids, as they can't be eating store brought food all the days" and left the place.

    She did not stop at that. After a while, she started to support her son by doing what he is suppose to do to help me. So that he could rest.
    Then I asked my H whether FIL is coming here to do the rest - that is my part, so that I too could rest. Because I am as well tired and deserve to take rest.

    These are the old memories. Now that she won't pitty on us.
     
    sindmani, Desiindian, Meet9 and 2 others like this.
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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  4. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    Many a times mils are poor things, they do such stuff bcos they have hardly got any help or appreciation from their husbands or in laws. After sons marriage that love is also shared or missed from their lives. Give her some appreciating comments like hus said that you prepared that dish so nicely, etc etc. N like all your friends comment that your mil has raised her son so well that he understands the wives plight unlike their husbands. This will give her a boost and sometimes even she might start helping you. Tell this at leisure and not when she has taunted you. Mean it and tell whether you can see a difference in her behaviour. Buy her small gifts or something to eat that she likes. She will definitely change her behaviour and you also learn to accept her with more love. Some ladies continue this drama just bcos everyone else house the situation is more or less the same.
    If she doesn't change even after your sincere efforts, then leave it
     
  5. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow... this is so well said. The kind of thing that should be bottled and given as gift to the bride and groom (yes... and groom) at weddings. Thank you.
     
    sindmani and Desiindian like this.
  6. rajatsingh

    rajatsingh Silver IL'ite

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    This MIL's decency in not saying it in front of her son is good.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, your MIL is achieving two thing from this story:
    1. she feels that she is showing worry for her son which shows that she cares for her son while you just slogs her son. she feels that she is better than you.
    2. she is putting you down by comparing that other woman can do work without anybody's help, its only you who needs help.

    She is deriving satisfaction out of both things....so she is not going to stop until you take some step.

    ignoring doesnt mean not saying anything while you are boiling inside....ignoring means you couldnt care less...that means its just a bore story for you and you want to run away out of boredom but this is not the case with you, this still impacts you and as it impacts you so story continues....

    to handle this you have 3 options:
    1. walk away from the place every time as soon as story starts.
    2. ignore that means dont feel a thing about her story...
    3. unable to ignore then confront her, give her stern reply for once and all...
     
    Desiindian likes this.
  8. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Slog her son :) ? Hee...hee.... That made him sound like a galley slave, tied up to her saree palau.
    In crowded living conditions a snog in the kitchen, a snog in the foyer, and one in the corridor... all get noticed by the mother. Unless there is more space (elope to a different city ?) for the family, there isn't much one can do. Confrontation is not a good solution; escalating a squabble that has its root in complex psychological feelings cannot come to any practical end.
     
    Desiindian and MNR like this.
  9. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    Her intention is to irritate me. Make me feel bad asking husband to help. That is the reason I am not trying any appreciayion tech to her.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  10. adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    OP i am not at all experienced in MIL cases as i am not married yet, but after reading your issue and the suggestions given by other posters, a thought ran through my mind. You said he was helping his mother before marriage , if that is the case and you want to put it in front of ur MIL. You can say it like this

    " yes maa, he is such a caring husband and a son every mother wish to have . You have taught him manners and all so well that he dont feel any shame helping his mother and wife. I am sure he used to help you before marriage as well as othervise how can he be so perfect in all the chores. I am really greatful to you maa for raising a gentleman for me. "

    once she will see her own upbringing and praise is involved in this topic , she will stop making negative comments on this. Well thats my thought... if it seems good to u , you can try it once :)
     

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