Co Sis

shilpases · Jan 26, 2012

Hi everybody

A lil background about my family ... I have been married for about a year and a half now ... I live with my husband about 3 hours away from my inlaws. Its just the 2 of us here. my husband has an older brother. He is married and lives with my inlaws. We visit them once or twice in a month during the weekend and during festivals. They are extremely caring and there is not one day that they have shouted/yelled or said anything bad to me or my co sis. they dont have any daughters and my in laws treat us like their own. My father in law is an awesome cook and there was this one time in the beginning stages of my marriage that it so happend that i mentioned i liked a particular dish a lot and too bad i cannot get it here. the next time we went to visit them there was nobody in the house.. i think everybody was out or doing something else in the house. it was just me in the living room doing some thing on the computer and my fil was cooking in the kitchen. And he called me ... I thought he wanted some help but to my surprise he was making the dish i told i liked and asked my to try some when its hot . I am really blessed to have such doting in laws and husband. They have all been super nice all the time. There have been some times that i might not have agreed with what they said but i never say anything to them about it.
Now coming to my co-sis. she is the same age as me just a month older. also extremely nice to me. she takes care of a lot of things in the house . she is also kinda silent. does not speak much at all. just whatever is necessary. if i ask her something she will just answer to the point and maybe even ask me the same thing like hows college going on and stuff. I want to be better at talking to her but i have run out of things to ask her and talk to her. i help her out with cleaning and cooking and other stuff when im there. and even when we are working together we dont talk that much. now my question is ...is that okay ..i mean she is a really quiet person by nature and also very shy. can u suggest some things that i can talk to her so we can be more conversant. i really want to be able to talk to her liek a sister but is it liek too invading or should i just let it be with how things are now .. just conversing general stuff.

thank you

sushmavja · Jan 26, 2012

i suggest just let it the way it is..good for all of you...i too share a good relation with my SILs..i dont have a co-sis..but then the relationship is formal..just answer to the point..if we involve more into conversation it will go over and chances for misunderstanding and all..why give that chance to someone na?

maya69 · Jan 26, 2012

If she is reserved by nature maybe thats how it always will be.

Have you tried going out with her alone for an outing once in awhile like manicure, shopping, movie, just girl stuff sans the in laws and brothers. Or have them visit you and take her around at your place. Have you invited your inlaws to stay with you so that she and hubbie gets their alone time in the house. You can see if these little but thoughtfulthings help her be more comfortable with you. But if she is reserved by nature thats how it always will be.

shilpases · Jan 27, 2012

well I do invite my in laws but its kinda hard for them to come just by themselves. they dont drive they could come with us back but they are both working there. we never go out alone and she does not do any shopping by her self. its always with my mil or bil. she is kinda traditional and does not go to the salon for anything. although we are thinking of asking my inlaws to come and live at our place when they retire next year ... she does not do any girl stuff at all ... all the talking i do ...but she is really nice to me and sweet ...

justanothergirl · Jan 27, 2012

Hi shilpa..
Reading through ur post reminds me of my early days of marriage and warmed up my heart so much I couldn't resist replying . Same story 2 brothers ..got married..within a span of few months. I was the younger one too and no PIL issues then or now.
The diff was my co-sis was the girl who was used to movies/parlors/shop till u drop/eat chats at every roadside stall in town. I had completely diff tastes. She could sense it but wouldn't stop inviting me either...
Kept taking me out each time she went out ..(made sure both my BIL and DH were doing other things )
) and we formed a close bond . I have learnt to enjoy all these things with her now and look forward to all these
girlie things when we meet.

You have a great attitude...and she seems to be a nice girl. Try to find out what she likes books ,music may be...See if u can do any of these activities together.Some take time to open up but I am sure she will have her interests.
I wish u a great relationship with ur co-sister.!

monita · Jan 27, 2012

Shipases,
She might me shy and reserved but she also might be a good listener. So, it's alright if you do most of the talking. Some people enjoy listening more than talking. If you want her to talk, may be you can ask for her opinion on any general things like movies, books, TV shows etc.

satchitananda · Jan 27, 2012

Hi Shilpa,

It is so wonderful to hear such a happy story here. You are really blessed (TOUCH WOOD) and may it remain so. As for your co-sis, it is nice that you get on and there is no negativity. If you have a companionable silence which does not disturb either of you, that is not a bad state of affairs either. Or if like JAG's co-sis did, if you try to spend more time with her doing various things, may be it would help. But if she is not interested, then just let her be herself.

DaffodilGirl · Jan 27, 2012

Hi Shilpa,
I would first want to TOUCH WOOD and wish you from all my heart that you have an amazing relationship with your in-laws forever and they grow to love you everyday. From your post, I assume that you are a very positive person happy person and want to make sure everyone around you is happy, which is really really nice.

Its wonderful that you like to build a bond with your co-sister, nice thought. Tell her that you want to buy some gifts for her, but don't know her taste, so strike a conversation there. Tell her that you have to buy some clothes for yourself and ask her if she can accompany you. So that way she doesn't really have to be really girly to just hang around with you. Get her some books if she enjoys them. Take her to a new mall/store, have a coffee there. Why don't you spend some time with your in-laws (if you're ok), may be a weekend over at their place, so you get to know her habits and can judge her better. Ive seen that some quiet people are so insecure and some friends can bring out the best in them, why not be that friend. Aks her about her friends from college.

If all your honest efforts don't work, then I just think its better to give her space. All the best. Btw she is a lucky girl to be having a wonderful SIL like you.