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Co Sis Visit

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by planetx, Jun 22, 2017.

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Jun 22, 2017 #1
planetx Junior IL'ite

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I got married last June. My co sister came just one day before our marriage. So we didn't have time to bond. She was not friendly from the beginning. She was not in India during engagement. But both BIL and his wife didn't wish me even on phone. I stayed with my mom after marriage for sometime as my husband went on an assignment to UK. My mom invited my Co sis to her house. But she didn't come though she stayed for 2 months during that visit. She never called me even once in this one year. No wishes for Thala diwali or even 1st anniversary. My BIL lost his job and she came to India last october. She did not visit my in laws even once in these 9 months. My FIL got hospitalized twice in this period. But she never bothered to visit him. Now she and her daughter are planning to come this weekend to my MIL's house. My MIL is inviting me to come and see them. I'm not feeling well. I'm wondering whether I should really go and see her.

planetx, Jun 22, 2017

planetx, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 22, 2017 #2

Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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It's ur wish..if you are not well do not force yourself to go..I'm sure she won't mind as she also never bothered to visit or keep in touch..or if ur ok make a small courtesy visit and excuse yourself and leave early saying that u r unwell..how is your relation with your MIL?

Needtobestrong, Jun 22, 2017

Needtobestrong, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 22, 2017 #3

fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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Well meet her at least once...since you never had any interaction with her , it is natural for you to think negatively. Since you do not know her side of story, meet her once and depending on her response, you can plan your future interactions.

fourthaugust, Jun 22, 2017

fourthaugust, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 22, 2017 #4

Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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I think its better to go and place your visit there.Just because your co sister is not really engaging her time with you or not interacting with you doesnt mean you too do the same .You could stay normal, interact with her and do all your duties . Dont panic that she doesnt wish you or talk to you or doesnt show up when invited. These may be trivial things that dont even matter .

Go and meet her dear. Your MIL would be happy and they dont come up blaming you anytime for not showing up that gives rise to uneccessary misunderstanding

Archanaanchan, Jun 22, 2017

Archanaanchan, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 22, 2017 #5

YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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If you dont go and see her, i am afraid that there is not much difference btw u and her.
Go and be courteous. Make it a family time.

YoGirl, Jun 22, 2017

YoGirl, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 22, 2017 #6

planetx Junior IL'ite

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Needtobestrong said: ↑

It's ur wish..if you are not well do not force yourself to go..I'm sure she won't mind as she also never bothered to visit or keep in touch..or if ur ok make a small courtesy visit and excuse yourself and leave early saying that u r unwell..how is your relation with your MIL?
Click to expand...

MIL is a drama queen. She will say something on my face when my hubby is not around. If I share it with him, he will say my mom is not that kind. If he asks her did you say like that she will pretend that she didn't mean it that way or blatantly lie. So I just maintain a cordial relationship with her. I don't call her in his absence. We stay in same city. My hubby visits her everyday. He sometimes takes me in weekend. The last time I visited was during first anniversary. My FIL did not wish us. I again found it strange.

Faced a lot of issues during initial days. She made my husband to cancel the UK tickets for my trip. I fought with him and went in August. But within three weeks she put an emotional drama and made both of us travel back. FIL was not well. He got hospitalized and within two days he was shifted to normal ward and out of danger. My parents live in same city too. They offered to extend all sort of help. I was suffering from severe back pain. But still she made me travel with it. Had to sit for 18+ hours as it was not a direct flight. It aggravated my pain and made things worse. I took several treatment but still no improvement. I have not fought with her directly till date. But still she criticizes me for something. My hubby is quite understanding and has changed a lot. Doctor advised to not get pregnant for six months. My hubby has thyroid and diabetes. I also have thyroid and prediabetes. So to ensure we deliver a healthy baby, we have to take some medicines and bring the levels under control. I have explained it clearly to her. But still she thinks its my negative point and say something hurting. It just increases my stress.

planetx, Jun 22, 2017

planetx, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 22, 2017 #7

ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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planetx said: ↑

MIL is a drama queen. She will say something on my face when my hubby is not around. If I share it with him, he will say my mom is not that kind. If he asks her did you say like that she will pretend that she didn't mean it that way or blatantly lie. So I just maintain a cordial relationship with her. I don't call her in his absence. We stay in same city. My hubby visits her everyday. He sometimes takes me in weekend. The last time I visited was during first anniversary. My FIL did not wish us. I again found it strange.

Faced a lot of issues during initial days. She made my husband to cancel the UK tickets for my trip. I fought with him and went in August. But within three weeks she put an emotional drama and made both of us travel back. FIL was not well. He got hospitalized and within two days he was shifted to normal ward and out of danger. My parents live in same city too. They offered to extend all sort of help. I was suffering from severe back pain. But still she made me travel with it. Had to sit for 18+ hours as it was not a direct flight. It aggravated my pain and made things worse. I took several treatment but still no improvement. I have not fought with her directly till date. But still she criticizes me for something. My hubby is quite understanding and has changed a lot. Doctor advised to not get pregnant for six months. My hubby has thyroid and diabetes. I also have thyroid and prediabetes. So to ensure we deliver a healthy baby, we have to take some medicines and bring the levels under control. I have explained it clearly to her. But still she thinks its my negative point and say something hurting. It just increases my stress.
Click to expand...

Your health is much more important. You are also working for a healthy baby. So don't take any more physical or mental stress that may jeopardise it for anyone anymore.

With a drama queen mil, no matter what you do, nothing will ever be enough. Guess that's why your co-sis behaves like that. Don't take her words too seriously, remember it's only affecting your health. So you focus on yourself and "take any decisions based on your health". If your health allows, make a trip.

ashneys, Jun 22, 2017

ashneys, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 22, 2017 #8

vniths New IL'ite

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If you really cannot make it up then dont strain atleast to respect your MIL I think you should go if you are feeling better by then, bonding at initial yrs of marriage is very important when you have kids its the grand parents who really help and play with kids.

vniths, Jun 22, 2017

vniths, Jun 22, 2017

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Jun 23, 2017 #9

Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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Your SIL's aloofness is not surprising considering your MIL's behavior. Do not have preconceived ideas about the kind of person your SIL is , specially since you don't know her . Go with a open mind and give her one chance. If she is still aloof, don't take it to heart and move on .

Sandycandy, Jun 23, 2017

Sandycandy, Jun 23, 2017

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Jun 24, 2017 #10

sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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I can tell you from personal experience that your relationship with co-sis should be based on how you both feel about each other. Not what your MIL/husband/FIL/SIL etc. says or feels about her.

You are the one in this situation and you need to decide whether you want to bond with her at this point or not. Sometimes it is good to back off and let things cool a bit, if you are upset with her actions/inactions. Else anything she does will cause you to have firm opinions which will take a long time to change.

I would advise not to judge her based on how she treats MIL/FIL, as they may have their own issues with each other. Focus on how she treats you.

sheztheone, Jun 24, 2017

sheztheone, Jun 24, 2017

#10

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