Clumsy MIL

Hi,

it's not that difficult to do some changes at your in-laws place. You can talk to you MIL just as you talk to your mother. But you have to be more submissive and compromising. You need to remember that it is her house where she had been living for her whole life and managing things on her own. You cant change each and every thing in a single day. Dont argue or get angry , instead try to make them understand your views. I am sure they will change their lifestyle.

I'm sorry but there are few things in your post which are quite confusing to me! I think you are being a li'l unfair to your ILs.
As you say that ...

but then you say that ..

Didn't you feel all this when you stayed with them for the 1st year. Didn't you realize how much they are unhygeinic !!! It seems at that time your purpose was getting solved which surely was to go out and work and get cooked food on time, so you didnt mind it.
hmm... dont quite get it !!!!:idontgetit:

Now also you came back to India with a purpose to utilise your in-laws services because you want to start a family ! WHY .. why do you need them now? YOU could manage things very nicely on your own as you have mentioned. But mind you that you could do that because you were only 2 people living in US and you were not a working woman there (correct me if I am wrong!)
And in US life is much easier. Aren't these your words in some other thread
Re: US or India You opinion please

You know the saying that You loose some you get some.. I am not saying that you need to completely overlook what they do but you can gradually change it. Do not rush into it. Give them some time.

 

I completely agree with Monsi...

Come on, i really don't understand this generation girls(iam being one), why don't many of us try to adjust n live life...don't look everything with "ho my God i will have a problem here"...

we all need elders blessings and their support every time. so please be nice to them(unless u have a major problem). Let them do what they want. And with little talk u can make ur changes .

May be for ur happiness and joy, you can decorate ur bed room ..i think thats place you n your husband spend time together...

Hope U deal with it with much maturity..

All the Best for ur future.

fairy

 

hey..
how did u changed ur query.

is it possible to edit or delete query

its just a question, if someone has answer can please tell me.

 

Not everyone is born with a silver spoon.

Why dont you see it in this perspective and help her change or get new ways in life? the same clumsy MIL is the mother of your husband, who brought him up with the same clumsiness, because of who, you're husband is what he is now.. whether in India or in USA..

Whats so hard for you to teach the old lady new things or accept her as she is. After all accepting ones true self is priceless...

Ok, if so, why should it change now.. She loves cooking , why cant you accept it as it is? you dont want to hurt her as long as shes cooking, but you want her to cook like some professional chef, is that it?

Ofcourse you can.. All elders out there will be happy if there's someone to share the work they have been doing for past 40 years.... But theres a way to it right?

Also, why dont you see it like that, your MIL is so caring that she wants her DIL not to do any work...

Many DILs dream to have such a MIL..

yet... you --->

unbelieveable !!

 

You could edit the post that you have written. You can see an edit button at the bottom of your post. Moderators can edit or delete other's post too. If you want to delete one particular post then go to user cp and you will find steps to do it.

 

Hi Rajmi
Thanks for quick answer. but i don't have edit button in my post n i tired user cp too..can u give me detailed answer please.

Fairy

 

Re: Clumsy MIL...yes but she seems hardworking and caring

we admit it, things in India are bit chaotic compared to usa or europe...when i was in europe, I used to keep my kitchen neat and clean but in India it is somehow rambarose....my kitchen in india is not as clean as my own kitchen in europe.....

but you can help your mother in law by cleaning after she does the work....may be she will learn from your example....she will appreciate it if it is done subtly and with love and care instead of scorn and one upmanship...

and yes....dont throw the grabage on the street as we indians do sometimes...keep it boxed.....may be the neighbour will become better too.....

 

I too agree with Sonalie. And also I observe with most of my elderly relatives, my own mother and my mil that as they get old they over-look many things. And cleanliness is one of them. I remember how my mother used to clean windows etc.,, as an example, but these days she just doesn't concentrate on these things anymore... must be to do with old-age. I'm not saying all elderly people are like that.. there'll also be exceptions.

Let me also tell my own experience. My ils visited us in Europe couple of years back and my mil wanted to cook for us all. She'd leave the kitchen in a mess. After lots of grumbling I realised she can't be me... so i took over the cleaning part. Ofcourse she complained about that too that i was finding fault with the way she kept kitchen. But i learnt to ignore that. Same thing is happening with my mom who is with us now to help with my delivery. she lets me or my husband clean after she finishes cooking.

All the best to you Latha