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Classics

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by sugarnspice, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. sugarnspice

    sugarnspice Bronze IL'ite

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    Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

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    An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.


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    Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

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    Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.


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    Don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.


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    A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers
    ........
    that your wife will give you for free.

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    Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

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    "A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle."

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    When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.


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    Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

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    When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: ................either the car is new or the wife.


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    I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.


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    We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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    She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.


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    She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled,"No, jump in!"

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    Bad Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married. He says "the wedding rings looks too much like miniature handcuffs....."


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    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

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    Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

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    Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

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    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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    Young son: "Is it true dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

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    A man visited a marriage counsellor and said: "Immediately after our marriage, I would come home from office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now ten years later, it's different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

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    The dying husband called his wife and said: "One month after my death, I want you to marry Mr Drone." "Drone! But he is your enemy!" "Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years, so let him suffer now."

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    A group of tourists at Niagara Falls: Guide: I welcome you all to the Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high that the sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls.
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    A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

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    I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

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    Someone will always stumble across the truth. And usually he'll pick
    himself up and carry on.

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    Yes god created man before women, but you always create a draft before the final masterpiece.
    This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from PaperCut - emailSTRIPPER - Print management, quotas, control, monitoring and accounting
     
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  2. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    Big LaughBig LaughBig Laughsuperb,had a hearty laugh
     
  3. Rohini Santhosh

    Rohini Santhosh New IL'ite

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    Big LaughBig LaughBig LaughHa ha ha had a hearty laugh.......

    Luv,
    Rohini
     
  4. Sumeru

    Sumeru New IL'ite

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    Hey, very good one-liners ! Good Laugh !
     

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