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Child With Autism

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by chanchitra, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi all
    I have pretty girl with autism 12 yrs old.Non verbal.improving in all other areas including receptive language.
    She was diagnosed around 2.5yrs age.
    From this time verbal abuse from my husband started. Getting worse now.calling bad words like pro.
    My husband family are worst people. His brother has no income
    My husband earns very well in USA.
    He has been taking care of his brother family expenses. When I asked him regarding this, he says am splitting family.
    He takes care of my inlays also, which I don't mind.
    I am not able to sleep properly which is causing giddiness.
     
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  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    When I had been on vacation to India when my kid was 2yrs old,I had some issues with his brothers wife.she is one shameless woman.I feel embarrassed to even type what she did.she will not even give milk to mykid.These people are living with my husbands money.
     
  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    There were other stress from them also.so at that time, I was not able to
    Concentrate on my kid.
    I always feel guilty that I caused the delay in my child.
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op ,you did the best you could under very difficult circumstances.
    Give yourself credit for being a wonderful mom .
    Best wishes to you both.
    Do vent ...It will make you feel better.
     
    sindmani, anika987 and chanchitra like this.
  5. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks yellow mango.I always liked your posts.venting here makes me feel better.
     
    sindmani, rachaputi and yellowmango like this.
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @chanchitra -
    Compartmentalize - Forget about the in-laws in India and the sil and the money. They aren't worth even considering.

    DH spending on them, as long as it isn't excessive for now, don't get bogged down by it. Tackle that later or let it go.

    Verbal abuse - is it directed towards only you or both you and your dd? Whatever it is, we need to address it.
    In the years since the DX have you both looked for counseling? A sped counselor can help deal with all the anger that the DX brings about.
    Any moms groups? My moms group is the best thing that happened to me. We band together and seek emotional support from each other. We are from diverse backgrounds but autism brought us together and we do hear each other out and help each other.

    Since he is the one with anger issues, he needs to find ways to deal with it. It's not to be directed towards you of the child. It's to be directed towards autism and all the things it robbed your child and in turn you out of. The culprit is autism and he needs to understand to divert all his negative feelings in that direction. I'm not sure how you can achieve this alone but you can try.

    Can you seek some counselor to help you try and reach out to your DH and make small steps towards that? You need to have a stronger relationship with each other because you need more support from each other since this is a life long condition.

    A non verbal child can still understand everything and probably has an average IQ to process everything. He should understand that and work towards a better home environment for the child.

    And whatever you do, don't blame yourself for the autism. I have done that over and over and over again. It doesn't help. It isn't your fault. Every time you go into that self loathing loop remind yourself that you are the best parent your child could have gotten. You are doing everything in your power to help her. Otherwise how will a non verbal child have such great receptive language skills and improve in all areas?

    I've been blamed for my son's autism. It's the most hurtful thing I've ever heard in my life. It took away from me a part of my old self. I decided that I wouldn't do that to myself, tell myself that ever again. Life is so hard as it is girl, why should we make it harder for us? A happy mom makes up for a lot of other challenges our kids will face. We can't take away every road block in their path but we can help them by being there for them. For that, let go of the negative people. Forget the sil/bil and all other ILs who anyway aren't around. Nobody can truly comprehend what it's like doing this day in and day out and you've done it for a while now. Try to get with other moms like us and see if it helps.

    We at IL are around and you can always come here for some support and vent.
     
    sindmani, Sandhya13, SGBV and 14 others like this.
  7. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you so much.
    I am going to start fresh and will not get into the guilt trip.
    Money wise ,everything has been drained already by them.
    Your post made my day.The verbal abuse is directed at me.our kid gets scared at these times and cries and locks herself in the room.
    I have tried to get him for counseling. He does not come.
    I don't understand why a women has to bear so much just because her child has special needs.
    My kid is going to public school with autism program. She takes school bus.
    She gets private therapy at home.ABA,
    PT OT SPEECH, Massage,Music.she is getting fairly independent now.
     
    sindmani, periamma, Sandhya13 and 3 others like this.
  8. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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  9. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi.we all live together. My husband does love my daughter. But some times he behaves crazy.
    Because of the verbal abuse,am not letting him being intimate with me.
    I already told him unless you stop the bad words,I will not have sex with you.
    I don't work.I have property from my father. So no money issues.
     
  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Leaks,how can I change my username
     

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