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Cheated and married on ly for money

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swapnapriya019, Dec 23, 2011.

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  1. swapnapriya019

    swapnapriya019 New IL'ite

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    Hello, I got married 3.5 years back. When I got married I was earning 35k per month. I got married the person who is earning 15k because he is having joint family and enough properties to maintain. My parents thought I can happily live with that guy as both are earning and life will be settled soon. If any problem also big family is there to help, show love. One main thing is he is working in Hyderabad and I am working in Bangalore. I thought after marriage someone will shift and stay together happily. But after marriage he is not ready to coem bangalroe when my company offerred job for him and because of recession I didn't got job in hyderabad. But after 5 months I got to know that he is not doing any job. He hasn't done any job. Thats y he didn't came to b'lore(He dont know the work, to escape that he told he dont like b'lore). For 1.5 yrs i stayed in blore alone in PG he stayed in hyd with his two brothers. From the first month after marrige I used to send my full salary to him excluding my expenses. That full 1.5 years I used to travel to blore to meet him. single time also he didn't came to see me. If I am not calling him he will not call me. If I am not going to hyd he will not say that he want to see me. But if he needs money he will take money. I used to help money to do any business. I used to travel to blore. I used to all the work in Hyd even after travel also. But for that 1.5 yrs he didn't even took me for single movie or shopping or atleast park or somewhere. And he will not even spend time with me. After all this I didn't told anything to my parents. I used to cry and beg him that I am able to stay in blore I want to stay with you please take me.. I just need your love not any salary.. I just want to stay with you.. after coming to hyd i will sure try for job please take me... but no.. one main thing is he will scold me .. he will not tell anything to me.. simply quite even if i am crying he will not bother even if i am sad he will not bother even if i am happy he will not bother .. he bothers only my salary...

    After 1.5 years family fightings started bec my parents got to know that he is not doing any job and I used to spend money for him and his brothers. My parents went to his home and asked about his job and staying together. that time they didn't told any answer but his father drank and called me.. scolded me.. still i kept qute i dont know the reason iwas luking for my husbands love ..nothing else.. slowly slowly families started blaming each other .. my parenst asking about his job and their used to tell that they are having lot of property no need of doing job.. but ishould not stop my job.. and they will give single penny for survival.. i have to take care of my husband and his brothers..
    I told my husband 100000 times that I will take care everything but we should stay together.. but no.... now the situation is like even we are staying together bec of lot of family issues.. I am not happy.. as usual for him doesn't bother... he will not help single rupee for any expenses.. and main thing is infront of otehrs he will act like he cares for me..
    infront of others he will tell lies about my family.. that tme i dont know what to do? to support my parents or support husband... in front of others if i am not there he will blame me...
    not only he his complete family... blamed me like .. intially i was very gud girl bec giving money .. after that my parents spoiled me.. but my husband knows that I will share anything to my parents. still he will blame.. nad to me he will he didn't told like that.. from 3.5 years full of lies , blames..

    Even if he married bec I am working and earning gud amount he should show little bit of love right .. without that he is expecting everything from me.. Even I tried to do.. I did for 2.5 yrs for him.. But When I got periods for 3 months continuously and I ama not having money with me even to go to hospital (I used my salary money for the advance for home and LIC, I cant take help from my parents because my husband s family is very rich and they know I am taking care of hhis family tehy get angry as well as feel bad that i am struggling)he didn't even asked me for hospital.. but used to go to office from 10 to 8 and come back prepare fud struggle with stomcah pain... still his full family telling all of my and his relatives that bec I am doing job I am not giving respect to my husband.

    Lot of things I faced but still i am asking my husband what is the problem.. . he wil ltell there is no problem.... I begged him tell me the reason if any problem i will change my self... Inspite of all this I got negative impression in my full family bec i wil not tell anything bad about my husband to anyone... but they will tell.... What to do? now my parents doesn't believe my husband.. of course me also.. i am not having faith on him.. bec he is acting....

    Help me how to change him.. or what to do???????????? i dont want to give divorce bec we are middle class and i am having unmarried sister...

    I gave 8 lacks dowry also... Still they will tell My parenst are trying to seperate my husband and me for my salary.. and my husband knows from past 3.5 years I have given only 5k for my parenst marriage day gift that too with my husbadn persmission.. still they are telling.... my parenst got hurted.. i am not talkinmg to my parents bec anything is happening they are telling bec my parents told something I am not giving money or something something.... what to to???????
     
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  2. praneeth76

    praneeth76 Silver IL'ite

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    before marriage itself u should have enquired each and everything about him....i suggest you to keep financial matters away...past is past..call both of your families, ur husband and settle down the issue,,

    also find why ur husband is not intrested to work? getting a job with decent salary is not a big deal in cities...i suggest you to never go for divorce.....life after divorce is troublesome whether u are a male or female...
     
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    You still think you can 'change' him?!!
    You and your family will be better off without this freeloader.
    Really?? You seriously suggest her to put up with such attrocious lies and shameless freeloading?!
    Praneet, Divorce clause is there for a reason. Do not let the fear of stigma dampen your sense of judgement.
    To wait for your wife to turn a new leaf because you love her is one thing but if you prefer to wait just because you fear life after divorce... I am afraid, for it could be the biggest blunder of your life. For God's sake, you are just 27.

    Best wishes to both the OP and you - you guys are paying the price for someone's reckless attitude. You deserve much better. Act now and Cut your losses please.
     
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  4. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    praneeth,
    sorry to reply to ur own post here... in this space... if ur so much clear about not divorcing your wife.. then pls go ahead. what is the use of writing here for advice??

    and pls dont advice blindly.... the case is different here....

    tc
     
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  5. swapnapriya019

    swapnapriya019 New IL'ite

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    Yes I know after divorce life will have troubles but now also I am having the same.... But What he is paying for spoiling my life... I can give divorce.. then what is the guarantee that he will not one more innocent girl's life .. When I married I know only studies , job .... I asked my dad that I will marry after 2 to 3 years .. I want to proof my self career. But no he want to marry me as soon as possible bec I am having younger sister and actually He trusted my husband and his family... If I know all these things that time we would have verified.. I don't know that people will cheat their betetr halves like this. I thought If I am getting pain as a better half he will get... I dont know that better half can give pain...

    If he is marrying one more girl? Do I need to think only myself and throw him from my life or think abt other girl who may suffer like me....
     
  6. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    swapnapriya019,

    what do u want to change?? are you clear in that??


    • is it like u want ur husband to turn leaf n be a hard worker all of a sudden?

      do u want him to be loving and caring to you? all of a sudden after these many years??

      do u want respect from him??

      dont want to divorce him for d sake of ur sister? what if ur sister's family knows the truth after she gets married?? they(sis's in-laws) would they respect u then??

    Remember, ur suffering for reckless and spine-less person.. which is not required... be bold first... start taking things into ur control.. u have a job... concentrate on that.. earn ur reputation.. do something worthwhile in life...

    life is beyond all these simple things.... even marriage... create ur identity first...(u already have one though) but ur nt recognising it....:coffee
     
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  7. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    the so called another girl may not be dumb like you... she may enquire everything before getting in.. so pls dont worry or think about non exsistant things.... be in relaity..

    pls attend a councelling if needed... tc
     
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  8. swapnapriya019

    swapnapriya019 New IL'ite

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    Ya I am having very gud reputation in workplace also... but i am just confused.. Not able to take decision...
    Thats y I posted here.. sorry for irritating.... by behaving and asking like how to change him?? i know he will not change.. I have given so many chances to him.... COnfused either to take big decision or ????????????
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2011
  9. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    swapnapriya,
    No use saying my father forced this marriage,trusted this guy. You could have put up a strong foot or did a detective check right. No point in talking that. you will end up blaming, which won't give you any solution.
    If the only point for you to be in this marriage is that you don't like divorce..no that's not a strong reason. You need much more stronger reason for marriage to continue. Don't think about what will happen to other girl he marries? That's not at all your priority at the moment.Your attention should be on only you.
    Think hard. you don't get love or affection from him. He is using as a money making machine and harrasing you.
    If you think you can change him put a firm deadline. Find a job within next six months or earn x amount within few months
     
  10. Vasuma09

    Vasuma09 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am really confused about your post here..

    Certainly I should appreciate your sense of caring about other girl future, But at the same time don't ever underestimate gals attitude,Like all girls will keep their mouth shut for such a irresponsible guy.

    Your guy is not interested on work, no caring, dont even bother to take you to hospital,dont want to come and see you ,dont have any interest to make calls but very keen on your salary.What is this :bonk?do you still want to live with this reckless guy.and top of all this he is badmouthing about you and your family.

    You cited in your post that he belongs to very rich family so does he gets any regular income from his assets on monthly basis like rent or shares or just he is expecting your money alone for his day to day expenses.If he is not getting income out of his assets then you should have asked him to get a job with descent salary atleast to cover his essential expenses.

    According to my own light ,you have to act smart don't keep on telling that I am expecting only love from him not anything more than that.I donno your definition for love,If this guy constantly pester you for your salary ,badmouthing about your parents,dont want to go to work but talk nicely with sugar coated words the will you ok with this guy..




     
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