Catholic - hindu married life - suggestions needed

HI Serene,
We decided not to register any religion...at this point we live in a country where we don't have to choose any on paper Besides if you send your child to private school, (unless it is run by a religious foundation) I don't think you have to give it in, in India either. Atleast that's what my friends who live in India tell me.

Whatever you decide about baptism, be true to yourself. And once you make a decision both of you be prepared to accept it and defend it. Not to take away from your questions, I only say this from personal experience...my father in law went to seminary school but didn't baptize his youngest (my husband). My husband is a fairly religious person too and when I asked him if he would like to be baptized, he said "No, that is not the basis of my faith." When I decided on a non religious ceremony for the wedding (because my dad is extremely shy and would have a difficult time walking me down the aisle, etc) my husband wanted a hindu ceremony because it would be fun...no one in his family had had one!

Everyone had a blast but I can't tell you the number of people (non family) who came up to me and said, "Oh you won!" My only answer was, "Oh I didn't realize marriage is a race or a power struggle" The idea that a woman can stand up for her choices is a bit hard for several people. They tell me I am lucky and that I should have sacrificed. I answer calmly that my personality would never click with someone who would have wanted me to change my fundamentals. Fortunately, even the super religious and super atheist inlaws are very respectful that it is our choice ultimately. With the other wellwishers, the best thing is to handle them with a sense of humor.

 

Serene,

I can answer ur question on Food..
I am engaged and it is an arranged marriage.
I am a pure vegetarian(for the past 12+ yrs), my would be is NV...
elders have made him clear that i will not cook or eat NV...
He told me that he will try to leave NV, though i am not expecting him to do...
It is very difficult to change the food habit..

this is just my suggestion..
Pls don't restrict him, ask him to eat out or in his mom's place...
Once if u start giving varieties in veg, he will not look for NV...
there are some dishes which gives the same feel of NV in color and taste...

reg child's food habit it is too early to worry...
after marriage u have 1 yr time(if u r not postponing) for the arrival of baby...
after that min 2 yrs u can restrict only to home made food for ur kid...
so still 3 yrs are there, who knows ur dH may turn Vegetarian by that time...
Hope for the best...

just my 2 cents...

 

As Sbonigala said and I understood, all the decisions look one sided.
As I had already mentioned in my earlier comment on your other post that my friend married a mangalorean catholic.

Here is what they did..

Both of them got married in both hindu(Jain) and catholic tradition on 2 different days.

They had a baby and they gave the first name a hindu, middle a catholic and surname obviously father's that is catholic.

They baptised the child.

They have mentioned roman catholic on the papers as the religion of the child.As per my friends saying, since the surname is the father's and after marriage the girl follows the customs of the husbands family, hence they decided this..) Ofcourse, my friend is not converted. She goes to temple and church and so does her husband. They baby follows both the religion.

Being veg..She is a Jain, and is a strict veg.Her husband cooks non-veg occasionally.They have separate set of utensils for non-veg. Her take is that she has no right to force her husband to eat only veg. Since they love each other and the house belongs to both.

Just my 2 cents..

 

My neighbours DD was in a similar situation. But she converted to Christianity as the boys parents wanted a Church wedding. So she had a Church as well as a Hindu wedding to please everybody.
Since she converted her kids will obviously be baptised , though names are not a problem.
If the couple want to retain their religion then they can go for a Civil (court) marriage.

 

Generally both Muslims and Christians, would at some point or the other, would want to influence the spouse to convert or atleast bring up the kids in that religion... I know atleast 2-3 (Christian ) in my earlier orgn who married Hindu men in both styles but ultimately baptised the kids even though the fathers were hindus....

Hinduism doesnt really enfore these kind of things, and hence as a race, Hindus continue to be 'secular' and embrace all things....

 

Its not mandatory to get baptised and convert to Christianity if you want a church wedding. My friends have not converted to Christianity. Only Non-catholics will not recieve communion from the priest. Otherwise everything remains same if either of the spouse is catholic. None of my friends have converted to Christianity after marriage .All follow their religious belief with full freedom. Church nor the priest' have objection to conduct marriage if one of the spouse is non-Christian.

 

Its not Muslims or Christians who convert Hindus after marriage. Even if the man is a Hindu and marries a Christian/Muslim woman, then after marriage the girl also follows hinduism. Its not only Hindus are "secular". Every religion is "secular". It only depends if either one is more inclined towards his/her religion and the other spouse is "OK" in accepting any religion.

 

Thanks for clarifying ,it will help a lot of people in a similar situation.

 

Hi there

Dint mean to offend., so do NOT take this perosnally:rant

I am quoting with personal examples from my office colleagues...

As everyone knows Hindusim is pluralist in nature and thats why all religions continue to floursih here without any danger or perscution...

eg Jews and Parsis.....who were persectued elsewhere were given safe haven by the then 'Hindu' kings

sorry dont want to comment of secularism of Islam and chirsitianity. History books are full of such examples..refer SPanish, portugease, Philipines inquisitions....:drowning and other crusades...:hide: