Catching A Fly!

Have you ever tried catching a fly?

Perhaps you might have, during your childhood. You must have been quick to realize that it never was an easy task. The more you feel you are closer to it, more frustration will result, as it seemed to kind of anticipate every move of yours and acted accordingly. Beyond a point, you start feeling the whole exercise as fruitless and wonder why you have tried doing that in the first place. Other thoughts would follow, like, you could have spent that time useful in 'n' number of things, including taking a short nap [for people like me]. To top it all, the feeling of having lost would be pricking you too.

But associating a value with it, you might even try doing the same thing again, for a bigger gain. You try to have some device, formulate a strategy even as you start anew, and may already dream about having it in your grasp. And you keep on building your thoughts till a time when you realize that you haven't actually caught it. So you go back to the game and wait for it to come. As your wait and expectation grows, the fly seems to know about your plans too and keeps you waiting. As seconds seem to crawl like days, you suddenly feel that you are lost again and feel bitter that even a tiny fly can take you for granted.

Disgruntled, you act like a mad man and use harsh ways to communicate even to your dear ones so, they move away in a hurry. Few minutes later, you start feeling sad and want to make it up. But you feel that your temper is flaring once again as you are questioned about what went wrong. You cannot but explain the silly thing to them for the fear that you might be mocked right after. You continue to detract and that very act makes your dear ones perhaps to become a bit edgy. "Ah! Its nothing! Why don't you leave that?", you shout, leaving them more disappointed. You then go back to your "zone" and keep wondering why you can't just be left for yourself. Instead of catching the fly, you are now fully caught!

Other things come up and you go back to your normal self, indulging more and more in otherwise mundane activities. Days fly and after a hectic day, you come back all exhausted, wanting nothing but rest. And your dear ones seem to take their cue and behave perfectly. You are satisfied and are just about to retire to bed when a question comes with a lot of hesitation - "Can you tell me what bugged you so much the other day?". Now that fly doesn't matter at all, though it sits right on your forehead.

You are caught again!

 

Thanks Suryakala Madam for your first response to this post and for your appreciation too.
Yes, I tried catching a fly and alas, ended up empty handed. And the fly here is a metaphor for something else. Happy to see that you caught that. -rgs

 

Whoa! That took me quite sometime to read Jayasala Madam.
As usual, an excellent feedback. Thanks very much.

My focus was all about what to do with an abstract, but not so meaningful [at that moment] thought that keeps coming however much you try to block. In the early stages of meditation, this is quite common and the more we try to evade it, the more disturbed we get. The best recommended way is also mentioned by you, already. Each of us have our own way of life and for me, the "Whats next?" way worked in most cases. Our innermost fears, lust, bad elements and even silly doubts come to the surface during our practices. We may focus on something we hear or chant repeatedly to try avoiding it. In fact most of the slokas start with one or two initial verses, about what benefits one may get, or praying the Lord Ganapathi to help us from these distractions. Even the Sandhya vandhanam aims at focusing on the breath - inhaling and exhaling counts and using the beads. All these are to get our wavering minds to do one thing at a time. Its true that monotonous work at troubled times lead you to focus more.

There is also an element of personal space that I skimmed along.

I am afraid of writing something that you have already expressed nicely in other words, so, thanks again. -rgs

p.s. யாதனின் யாதனின் நீங்கியான் நோதல்
அதனின் அதனின் இலன். - one of the very few that I remember and wonder every time it comes to mind.

 

Thanks Viji madam for your appreciation. I hope many of us get in to this situation quite often. No? -rgs

 

Thanks for your nice feedback Viswa.
You know that its better said than done. Besides, knowing our darker side helps us to understand ourselves more.
As I grew up, I came to understand that there are just a lot of things to delve about, not just on the one which keeps disturbing us.
Slowly, as we get immersed in one chant / sloka / bhajan, this thought comes, but doesn't throttle us anymore.

There are a few of course that will never leave you winning always. Its like keeping anger in check. You can never say that you won it, in my honest opinion. It might take aeons for one to be like Appayya Dikshitar, who even in the inebriated state sang praises of Lord Siva. Right Sir? -rgs