Can one marry again after losing wife?

Hi,

There are many ladies who are in same boat as u..Try to marry some one who has a kid so that the bond is mutual..

 

Hi Deepak,
Pls accept my condolences for your loss.
It appears too soon to think about proposals or adoption. You need time to heal. What seems endless will get better. Why don't you try getting some elderly woman from your native or Indu's side who can take care of the babies. Sort of in home nanny. This would allow you to get back to work and perhaps some time to think clearly about your babies' and your future?

 

Hi Deepak,

My condolences for this irreparable loss. Time is the only healer and we shall pray that you get the strength and courage to tide over this difficult phase.

We are all here to help you and you can certainly share your highs and lows here with us. The little girls will keep you going and give you the feeling that Indu is still with you through them.

 

Hi,
Time heals your bitter past. You and your wife did lot of things to have your own child . And now no wife means giving away the babies for adoption?
Yes it is very hard for you to bring two little babies; after the loss of your wife.
But don't take nasty decision of giving away your babies for adoption. If your mother is old and not able to look after your babies 'cos of her age. Then keep an aaya so that she does all the work and your mother can monitor her.
When slowly u see in front of you kids are growing and you also come out of wife trauma then think of your future life. If you want to stay single or get married.
If remarry then look for homely and family girl or widow. But just take extra steps to check the background of the girl.
Having said many it is upto to you to take good decision for your life ..just think your blood is taken away if not taken wise decision

 

I was almost in tears after reading your post... Indu was definitely unlucky to lose such a wonderful life with a most caring husband and those cute little angels. But what to do? That's called fate. My heart felt condolence for the lost.

Coming to your present situation.... I agree, its very hard for a elderly mother (your mom) to look after twins at this stage. It takes lots of effort, time, and energy that most of our old moms lack them.
It is not wise to give them adoption to your SILs as eventually you will lose your rights in your babies.

You need a companion.. a friend at this stage to share your emotions. Such a friend can eventually make you feel lighter and be helpful with the babies as well. Also you both can eventually think how to work in the future to make your Indu's dream come true. I know a true lover can not think of a second love, so is a life. But it is not a big deal to have a companion and a partner for the sake of babies.

One of my friend had married to her friend's sister (rather a new friend who was a divorcee due to her infertility and wanted emotional support as well) after the sudden demise of his young loving wife during delivery. He too had a tiny little baby girl and he didnt want to go for a second life.

This alliance came a few months after their friendship (indeed they started sharing their issues and become friends) and then he decided to go for marriage as live in relationships are not purely respected in our society. They started living like friends and parents to the child. I was sure that there was no physical or love like relationship with them at the beginning... But now its been 6 yrs since they are together, and I am sure they have started living as normal married couple.

Note - the lady has removed her ovaries before she divorced her first husband, hence she can not give birth to a baby. But she is taking care her husband's baby as her own baby and the baby too thinks/loves her like her own mom. Not only the mom and daughter, but the grand parents (the lady's parents) too love this kid so much as there is no other kids in their family.

At the end, the family (husband, wife kid) are very happy despite their sad first halves of their life.

 

I was moved to tears on reading ur post. The loss of a loved one is tremendous and only time can help heal it. Your twins are the perfect example of the love of ur wife. Please do take care of them. They need u around. Second marriage is not a bad thing, but plz make sure that the new wife will take care of the kids as their own. Like in the earlier post if u find someone who is ready to accept the kids as their own, plz do go in for marriage. Most of the times initially the girl says yes, and then when both of u have kids of ur own, it is then that the discrimination starts, which is also perfectly logical..every mother would like to give preference to her kid over the others.

 

Dear deepak anna... my deep condolences.... i don have words except my tears... its vry hard for me after reading tis... God s ter...

 

Hi Deepak,

Very sorry to hear about what has happened to you. Tears rolled my eyes when I was reading your post. Thinking about your little girls they definitely need motherly love. For now its good to have your mother and SIL's take care of them.I know no one can show a love that a mother can show but atleast till they are 3 years its good to have them taken care by your family until the little one's manage to do things on their own and get potty trained. And comming to marrying again the person should be very well matured and should agree to show motherly love to your kids. I have seen some of my distant relatives families where he had grown up girls and lost his wife and then he remarried a divorced lady but she never used to love the kids she used to hurt them when their father was not home and she insisted she wants a kid of her own.
If you plan to remarry I would say please remarry a infertile women who knows how precious children are. As she cannot have children of her own I am sure she will definitely show much love towards your girls.No one can replace your past wife and her love but slowly moving forward as you cannot manage life taking care of the kids by urself you need a women who is not selfish.
God could not save your wife but I pray that he gives you strength and protect your girls their whole life.

 

My deepest condolence Deepak.

Have you checked if Indu's parents are willing to take care of the child?i know its difficult to ask them but given that your mom's health has issues,if you feel comfortable you could check that option as maternal grandparents will be more affectionate towards grandchildren.

Also my kind request to you is to not to separate sisters and give them for adoption to each of your SIL's.

Yes remarriage is a good option provided you take time to search for a good mom for your twins rather than a wife for you.

I also lost my mom when i was 3 years old.My father did not remarry and my father's younger brother married a close relative(my aunt) so that she could take care of me(btw we were joint family) and i would say that not even a day in my life till now i have missed my mom as my aunt took wonderful care of me.Hope such wonderful thing happen to your kids also.

 

Dear Deepak,

Please accept my deep condolence. I was in tears reading your post.

Love for your babies.

Its been only few months that you lost your wife. Give time for yourself. If possible look for job in Chennai and move there with your babies. Hire a maid who will help your mom for taking care of babies. Your children need your love. Just dont decide anything now. Dont try and mix marriage and taking care of babies. You very well understand what does it mean by marriage. The second lady will also come with some expectation....wil you be able to substitute some other girl in place of indu? I guess answer is NO. If you cant keep the other lady as wife ...then dont call it as marriage. It will be injustice for that lady also.

Give time for yourself. Move to chennai and start living wth your kids and mom. Arrange everything for them at home so that neither your mom nor kids shd have problem. If your bro need kid ask them to move nearby your place so that you dont miss any glimse of your baby and go meet her daily. But I guess its good if they take care of both kids. Just not good to seperate both babies.

As of only solution is move to chennai...you and your kids need healing touch of each other. You will feel better. And its not impossible to take care of kids without mom.....you can always live with the thoughts of Indu the most wonderful relationship you had ever.